Lessons for my children – Theme Thursday

Ok, for those of you just joining us (and by us, I mean me),  I’m part of a great group of writers that participate in Theme Thursday.  Every week we chose a topic to write about and then we check out everyone’s blog to get a different take or perspective.

This week is….If you could impress one lesson, ideal, or moral on your children, what would it be?

One? Only one?  That really is too limiting for me, and as the author of this blog I took the liberty of creating a list…a list people, because I’m going to be giving my kids some heavy, poorly worded guidance.  Shoot, I’ll have them bowling with the bumpers up until they’re 50, if you know what I mean (I don’t know either, it sounded philosophical)

So here’s just part of my list. Feel free to share it with your children because not everyone can make this shit up:

1.  Never judge a person you just met.  Sometimes the best people can make the worst first impression.  And sometimes assholes will put their best foot forward while their other one is rooted firmly in shit.

2.  Once you find a true friend, keep and nurture that relationship. It’s a wonderful thing to have a person you can count on, someone that can listen and give advice, someone that loves you for you.  Plus that bitch knows all of your secrets and might tell everyone if you piss her off.

3.  Expensive wine isn’t always good, but cheap wine is always bad.

4. Kids can be punk asses. And there are times that you’ll be a punk ass too. Check yourself.

5. Go to college.  Yes, the degree may help you find a job but really, college is so much better than high school!

6.  Peer pressure works. Don’t even try to bullshit me on that. Pick the right friends and I won’t assume you’re drinking or having sex when you’re suppose to be at the library. Otherwise, I’m following your ass. And I’m not above micro-chipping you.

7.  Learn to cook a meal, change a car tire, and replace a light fixture. Those 3 things will get you far in life. Not really, but they’ll keep you from looking like a douche.

8.  Never take yourself too seriously.  If you can’t laugh at yourself others will laugh for you. You. Don’t. Want. That.

9.  Tell your parents you love them, call them everyday. And take a special course on ‘How to Care for the Elderly’.  Remember, we hold your inheritance…hostage.

10.  Always keep your sense of humor, that spirit will carry you through the darkest and saddest times of your life.  If you can still laugh, despite all that life is throwing at you, you’ll be fine.  In fact, you’ll be better than fine, you’ll be smiling.


* Read what other bloggers are saying by clicking the Theme Thursday button on my side bar.  Their advice is probably better than mine (but I’m almost certain it’ll contain just as much profanity).  You can also click here to learn how to join us each week.


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  1. Hee hee – you always make me laugh!

    I agree about going to college – sooooo much better than high school (which I didn’t think was possible).

    Thanks for making me laugh!

  2. I love that you just inadvertently taught them lesson #11- color outside the lines.

  3. #3, #7 and #9…hahahaha! Good stuff, Motha!

  4. “Laughter will get you through the darkest and saddest times of your life”

    That should be #1 Sister!

    I love that you broke the rules and made a list. I love your list.

  5. LOVE IT!! Thinking I should print it and paste it to the inside of Sugar Bean’s locker. Just as a reminder :-)

  6. First cheater!

    Second amazing list, I will borrow a few, especially number 1, SO TRUE

  7. Too funny!!!! I love this!!

  8. #2 so true!

  9. Fantastic list – if I were to tell you my favorites I’d really just be copying and pasting your entire list. I will be keeping this in mind – and possibly printing it out for future reference! :-)

  10. A person onve told me, “Peer pressure it’s bad, just pick the right peers!” Of course the last time I saw that person was in a picture sitting off a cliff in Europe…

  11. *once* Damn kids. That was totally their fault.

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