Update: You can now purchase your own Beaver Baby!!!! click here
Today I’m going to teach you how to make a reversible Felt Vagina. Why reversible you ask? Because this isn’t just a vagina, it’s an educational tool used to demonstrate “where babies come from”. Throw your kid one of these, watch them turn it inside out, and voila! -you can skip the whole uncomfortable conversation.
- She’s ready to push!…I see the head!…Aww, it’s a boy!
Go to your store and purchase various colors of felt, matching thread, and some fuzzy “hair-like” material (base the colors on your skin type). If you regularly get a Brazillian wax, 1) WTF?! AND 2) you can skip buying the “hair-like” material.
Take all your purchases to the counter to be cut and say “please don’t ask me what I’m making, please don’t ask me what I’m making, please don’t ask me what I’m making” over and over again in your head. It worked for me.
Next you’ll need to cut an oval out of a piece of cardboard to create a template. My oval was about 6×4 inches.
Ok, this is where my tutorial went to shit. I used the oval to cut stuff, I adjusted, I fudged things. In the end I wasn’t happy with my vagina (yeah, I’ve said that before). The labia didn’t line up with the back of the baby and I forgot to add a clitoris.
I didn’t want to give you crappy directions so I’m going to need to work on this and come up with a pattern that you can download. In the meantime, I’ll explain the rest of the process.
Let’s pretend you have it all assembled and sewn together and move on to the application of pubic hair. I considered different types of hair and the various ways to apply it. I chose wrong.
I applied the faux hair to the vagina with super glue.
*Today’s science lesson: When super glue is applied to materials made of cotton or wool, it results in a powerful, rapid exothermic reaction and the heat released may cause minor burns or ignite the material. SON OF A BITCH!
- I had to extinguish my fingers in a dirty pan that was soaking in the sink. If I had a Brazilian this never would have happened.
*Tip- Make sure you cook dinner before doing this step. The “pubic hair” wouldn’t come off my fingers…but it found its way into the grilled cheese.
Step 5 -
Fingers are burnt, labia is misaligned…this tutorial sucks. Let’s skip to the final product.
TADA!
Ana says she’s so excited to have a new “slipper” but she wants to know where the other one is. I tried to explain it wasn’t a slipper but she insisted it was and that the hair was meant to keep her feet warm all winter. I guess I’ll make another one.
*FYI – These also make great gifts for the new mom that has everything!
I think I might patent these but I need to come up with a fantastic name. Originally I thought “VaginaBabies” but I feel like it lacks a little something. Do you have any suggestions?
P.S. I’ll be designing another one for those that had a c-section (like me). They might be called “I’llNeverWearSexyUnderwearAgainBabies”.
UPDATE: After a long and exhausting voting process, VaginaBabies will now be known as BeaverBabies: A vagucational tool (thanks in part to www.somethingclever2point0.com
Guess what?!?! Spunky is here!
The penis/sperm is the perfect companion to Beaver Babies!
And guess what else?!….C-Section Babies are here!
Love me? Like me? Meh? Great, I’d appreciate a click on this banner…thanks!
You are crazier than I thought… But oh so entertaining!
Then you underestimated me…or overestimated?
Just hilarious!!! I think you might have hit a gold mine here.
Names?? Coochie Critters? Pink Taco Tots? Beaver Babies?
Kim, Love your suggestions! Everyone seems to love Beaver Babies!
Wow – you ARE craftier than me! Never in a million years would I have thought of this little tutorial. Could you come up with something that teaches about vasectomy? Cause that would TOTALLY be a good tool for some of the hubbies out there.
hahahahaa, “Beaver Babies” has my vote!
Hmm…I’m going to need to think about it over a martini.
This is BRILLIANT!
And I think “Beaver Babies” is a pretty awesome name.
Now THIS is the type of stuff I like to see on Pinterest.
Thanks Dani! Beaver Baby seems to be a favorite.
omg I need one of these.
Hang on for the giveaway!
I was going to suggest pussy people, but I like beaver babies!
I like the way you think!
OMG! Can you please make me one for my upcoming baby shower??!! I LOVE it! And Beaver Babies is awesome! Although Taco tots has my vote also.. It was a hard choice. Everytime I read one of your blogs it just makes me realize just how related we really are!!
Of course I can!!!
LOVE this. Oh boy, if only I still taught school or had this when I used to volunteer on “crafts day” when my son was in elem. If only…it made my day! The miracle of childbirth…
You killed me. Dead. Headline: Woman Dies Laughing.
Thanks! Rest in peace Jenny, rest in peace.
That is fantastic, but you forgot the placenta pull toy handle!
You’re right! I may have to modify:)
Crotch Droppings?
But for some reason the word “prolapse” keeps haunting me. This is so fabulously disturbing I WANT TO MAKE IT (and I already have “pubic hair” fabric in my stash, how convenient).
What’s this about a giveaway? Will the Crotch Dropping become a Dumpster Baby?
Do I even want to know why you have faux pubic hair (I’m assuming it’s faux)?
I love crotch droppings! However, I already announced on twitter that they will now be known as BeaverBabies: A vagucational tool.
I’m trying to find time to create a decent pattern. Plus I plan to make a few for a giveaway! Please let your friends and family know!
Thanks for stopping by!
Seriously the funniest thing I have read in, perhaps, forever. You never fail to amaze me with your hilariousness!
And you will make a fortune with those things!!
Thanks so much! Let me know if you want to sew for me.
OMFG! I choked. This is the best thing I have read all week. ALL. WEEK. I can not express how funny this was.
That makes me happy to hear!!!
This is the best not-really-a-tutorial tutorial in the history of all the tutorials in time. I am absolutely dying laughing. And, I totally want in.
Aww, thanks! Do you sew? I need a vagina seamstress. And thanks for stopping by!
Oh lawdy, I needed that laugh like crazy. You’re some kind of genius. This is, hands down, the best plush vagina tutorial I’ve ever had the pleasure of reading. P.S. If you need a good vagina seamstress, I can give you the number for my OBGYN. She did a fantastic job on me, as far as I can tell from up here.
BEAVER BABIES!!! Holy shit, this is the grossest thing I have ever seen–and I cannot stop laughing!!! You are a genius…although I might skip the post on the C-section baby dolls…
Thanks! Oh c’mon, you too squeamish?
I don’t know if I’ve ever loved anyone as much as I love you right now. Did we just become best friends OR WHAT?!
Yes. Yes we did. And maybe, one day, our periods will sync up and we’ll know it was meant to be. Oh, how I hope!
OMG – this is hilarious. Pinterest brought me to this website and I have bookmarked it. We are so much alike!! lol!
Thanks for stopping by! We’re alike huh? I’m sure I would love you!
Haha! Love this; I’m pregnant and my 3 year old niece keeps asking where the baby will come out…this would do the explaining for me!
It certainly would! But I wonder what her parents would think!
I thought I had entered, and then I saw I hadn’t please tell me it’s not to late!
Nope, not too late!
I want to make these for everyone I know for Christmas!!
Great! I have you down for the giveaway contest and I’ll announce when I have the pattern available…still trying to make it understandable:(
How did I miss this when it came out. OMFG. I love you.
Beaver Babies is an amazing name. Not sure if I find them terrifying or wonderful, maybe both, lol.
Thanks! One of my readers suggested it and everyone loved it!
I don’t want a real baby for 2013…I only want a beaver baby!
I’m hoping to have a pattern up soon. It’s easy to make!
I’m so making these for the next baby shower I go to.
That picture of the fake pubic hair super glued to your fingers looked gaggingly like the real deal.
Hahah! I’m making one for my cousin’s shower this month. Can’t wait to see how the family reacts. Hopefully I’ll have a pattern up soon. Stop back and check.
I am probably going to have to re-read that…I could hardly see straight I was so hysterical after the opening image. I really did not fully absorb all the hilarity that followed. Sweet Jesus, I am so glad you linked this one up on the Blog Hop and brought this into my world.
Thanks so much for stopping by!!!
I just died…..did you make this up???? You are a genius!!!!! Hilarious…
I did! Thanks! My mama always said I was a creative thinker. Though I’m guessing she isn’t too proud about this.