Update: You can now purchase your own Beaver Baby!!!! click here
Today I’m going to teach you how to make a reversible Felt Vagina. Why reversible you ask? Because this isn’t just a vagina, it’s an educational tool used to demonstrate “where babies come from”. Throw your kid one of these, watch them turn it inside out, and voila! -you can skip the whole uncomfortable conversation.
- She’s ready to push!…I see the head!…Aww, it’s a boy!
Go to your store and purchase various colors of felt, matching thread, and some fuzzy “hair-like” material (base the colors on your skin type). If you regularly get a Brazillian wax, 1) WTF?! AND 2) you can skip buying the “hair-like” material.
Take all your purchases to the counter to be cut and say “please don’t ask me what I’m making, please don’t ask me what I’m making, please don’t ask me what I’m making” over and over again in your head. It worked for me.
Next you’ll need to cut an oval out of a piece of cardboard to create a template. My oval was about 6×4 inches.
Ok, this is where my tutorial went to shit. I used the oval to cut stuff, I adjusted, I fudged things. In the end I wasn’t happy with my vagina (yeah, I’ve said that before). The labia didn’t line up with the back of the baby and I forgot to add a clitoris.
I didn’t want to give you crappy directions so I’m going to need to work on this and come up with a pattern that you can download. In the meantime, I’ll explain the rest of the process.
Let’s pretend you have it all assembled and sewn together and move on to the application of pubic hair. I considered different types of hair and the various ways to apply it. I chose wrong.
I applied the faux hair to the vagina with super glue.
*Today’s science lesson: When super glue is applied to materials made of cotton or wool, it results in a powerful, rapid exothermic reaction and the heat released may cause minor burns or ignite the material. SON OF A BITCH!
*Tip- Make sure you cook dinner before doing this step. The “pubic hair” wouldn’t come off my fingers…but it found its way into the grilled cheese.
Step 5 -
Fingers are burnt, labia is misaligned…this tutorial sucks. Let’s skip to the final product.
Ana says she’s so excited to have a new “slipper” but she wants to know where the other one is. I tried to explain it wasn’t a slipper but she insisted it was and that the hair was meant to keep her feet warm all winter. I guess I’ll make another one.
*FYI – These also make great gifts for the new mom that has everything!
I think I might patent these but I need to come up with a fantastic name. Originally I thought “VaginaBabies” but I feel like it lacks a little something. Do you have any suggestions?
P.S. I’ll be designing another one for those that had a c-section (like me). They might be called “I’llNeverWearSexyUnderwearAgainBabies”.
UPDATE: After a long and exhausting voting process, VaginaBabies will now be known as BeaverBabies: A vagucational tool (thanks in part to www.somethingclever2point0.com
Guess what?!?! Spunky is here!
The penis/sperm is the perfect companion to Beaver Babies!
And guess what else?!….C-Section Babies are here!