I’ve received a lot of feedback regarding my Beaver Babies, all of it wonderful, and by wonderful I mean people are disgustingly entertained.
I did receive an email from a reader that said I was, “discriminating by not including the man’s vital role in creating life and……..” blah blah blah, scanning the email, blah blah blah “…can’t you make a penis with sperm?” -oooh, now I’m listening!
After reading her email, I asked myself, “Hot Ass (positive self-talk), is there a market for a penis that reverses into a sperm?” and the answer “Who cares?”
I love me a challenge (unless it involves a lot of effort) so I got right to work.
I began by drawing a penis, and I nailed it on the first try (BOOM, joke).
After cutting it out, I realized that the size didn’t allow for shrinkage (the 1/8 inch seam) so back to the penis drawing board I went. I re-drew, re-cut, and guess what? It was still too small. Here I was, the designer of my ideal penis and I couldn’t make it big enough. I’m a therapist’s dream.
Anyway, this went on for a while, and in the end my bedroom floor was littered with them.
18 penises later, I finally had a form I was happy with so I used it to cut my material. The rest was smooth sailing.
PS- This was so much easier and quicker than making a vagina, who knew? I did.
After sewing everything together, it was time to add the pubic hair. And Ladies & Gentlemen, I found the perfect pubic hair at the craft store! Oddly, it was in the doll making aisle. Weird but whatever, doll-making-freaks.
I didn’t repeat my Beaver Baby mistake of using crazy glue (Tip: wool + crazy glue= combustion). This time I was prepared with fabric glue! But the pubes stuck to me just the same…
I now present to you the perfect Beaver Baby companion, Spermie Spunkie (Help! It needs a name!)
He’ll swim right into your heart and fertilize you with love:)
Holy shit, what the hell is wrong with you?? HAHAHAHAHA!! I LOVE it! Next bridal/baby shower, I’m all in! Granted, I’m like 35 so they’ll have to be the people who are divorcing and remarrying, but they’ll probably appreciate it all the more.
GENIUS!!!!! I can totally see these going viral on Pinterest!!!! At least, I hope they do as the other crafts do nothing but depress me. I’d much rather learn how to fabircate penises and vaginas then some of the other crap out there!
The next time I have a bridal or baby shower to go to, I’m hitting you up for these!!!
Please do! Feel free to pimp them out!
Hahahahaha….I love it!! You are the Queen of Genital Felt Art!
A title I’ve been working towards my whole life! Thanks!
Balboa, the spermatoza?
oops, spermatozoa
I like it! Rolls off the tongue. Eww, pun was not intended!
Beaver Buddies and Spermy Pals?
Ooo, good one!!! Writing it down, thanks!
I’m pretty much thoroughly speechless. And no longer thinking all crafts are lame.
Then my job here is done. Actually no, I still have to make the c-section baby.
You are one crazy bitch. Haha awesomeness. The hair part freaked me out though.
Thanks!…I think. The hair freaked me out a little too, especially when I kept finding pieces on me throughout the night. At least I hope that was the fake hair. Eww
Skeeter meets Beaver! Love reading your blog. A friend introduced me to it, & I love it. Thanks for the entertainment:-)
Thanks! And tell your friend thanks too! Your suggestion is totally going on the list!
If I had one, I’d name him majizmo the magic jizz droplet. hehe…(mah jizz mo). Magic jizz!
Perfect! And I love that you seem to have put a lot of thought into it!