On Friday night, we put the kids into the Kid’s Night Out babysitting program at our local gym. And guess what? Collin. Was. Pissed. When I asked him if I could take his picture for my blog, he screamed “NO!” and stormed off. Once again, I am forced to use illustration. Lucky for you, my artistic abilities are limitless.
If you’ve read about his past Kid’s Night Out experience, you’d understand his anger.
Kid’s Night Out 2012
Fairy Wand Crafting
After dropping them off and running like hell, Brian and I headed over to a little BYOB sushi joint. Turns out I’m a cheap date when you remove alcohol from the bill.
On Saturday, the kids went to my parent’s for an evening chock full of junk food and spoiling (and by spoiling, I mean someone actually paid attention to them all day long), while we went to a Brewfest with a bunch of our friends. That’s right, baby, two date nights in a row! Don’t be a hater.
And when you have unlimited beer, you need unlimited…
Row after row of glorious porta-potties! It was like a weak bladdered woman’s wet (urine soaked) dream. I actually knelt down and wept before them.
At a beer event, it’s apparently a “thing” to wear a pretzel necklace to munch on. Make sense, right? Here’s mine (thanks to my BFF, Joanne, for making them):
All the necklaces I saw were pretty much standard, but then I saw this one:
and I said to Brian, “Look! That guy made his pretzels into a penis and balls!” Then Brian made this face, kinda like he smelled shit or something, and whispered, “No he didn’t. That doesn’t look anything like a penis. Get your mind out of the gutter!”
A few seconds later, my BFF walks up and I say, “Quick! What does that look like?”- like I’m giving her some kind of pretzel Rorschach test.
“Penis and balls, duh”
Well, make my gutter a double wide, Brian, ’cause I’ve got me some company.
But here’s what I don’t get about his penis/balls concept- It may be clever but…isn’t he essentially nibbling off his own penis?
*Side note: I’m making a cheese necklace for my next wine tasting by weaving string cheese.
On Sunday, I picked the kids up super early from my parent’s house because Ana had a 10:30 am birthday party at one of those crazy maze places.
She had a total blast!
I have no doubt she’s winning here…that’s not a loser’s smile.
Before I wrap this up, I have to give props to the sharpest kid there:
It’s hard to see in this photo but he’s wearing a shiny silver suit. He looked like this (minus the sunglasses and ascot, but with the attitude):
He kept passing me, strutting around like a tiny John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever. Man, what’s that kid’s story? There’s nothing I wanted more than to pull up a tic-tac sized chair and be regaled with colorful tales from his modeling days, botched philanthropic pursuits, and emerging fashion line (think Gucci meets Garanimals). But I couldn’t afford the distraction, Ana kept drowning in the ball pit…she may not be a strong swimmer but she’s determined.
How was your weekend?
Wants some funny? Visit my girl Alyson over at The Shitastrophy, her shit will keep you laughing!