پاکستان میں Mostbet com ویب سائٹ ملاحظہ کریں، اور آپ یقینی طور پر کھیلوں پر شرط لگانے یا آن لائن کیسینو میں کھیلنے کے لیے یہاں واپس آنا چاہیں گے۔ کھیلوں کے شائقین کو ایونٹس کے ایک بڑے انتخاب، مختلف پروموشنز اور بونسز، مفت بیٹس، مفت گھماؤ اور زیادہ مشکلات تک رسائی حاصل ہے۔ اور کھیل کو مزید آسان بنانے کے لیے، ہم نے ایک موبائل ایپلیکیشن تیار کی ہے جسے آپ آسانی سے اپنے فون پر انسٹال کر سکتے ہیں۔

How Pinterest took my party planning from “Blah” to “Please take this hammer out of my hand.”

 

When I asked Ana where she wanted to have her 6th birthday party, she didn’t hesitate. She started jumping up and down, and chanting, “Chuck E Cheese! Chuck E Cheese! Chuck E Cheese!”  I immediately dropped to both knees, took her cute cherub cheeks between my hands and whispered, “Darling, that will never happen.”  And the way I drew out the word “neeeverrrrrr” was awful but necessary. There was NO WAY I was holding a birthday party inside a dirty hamster cage with feces filled tubes.

hamster

 

Wanting her to be excited about her birthday party venue, but drawing a line at the rat trap, I set out to come up with an awesome idea. So for the next two weeks I threw every possibility at her. Bowling? NO! CHUCK E CHEESE! A dance party? NO! CHUCK E CHEESE! Spa day? NO! CHUCK E CHEESE!

But then one day, while I sat eating a family-sized bag of potato chips, I had a brilliant idea, “A pony riding party?!…silence…she was thinking…lock this shit down, Kim. “On a real farm!”

Ana -“But will there be pizza?” scrunching up her face like the thought of compromising with me repulsed her.

Me – “Unlimited!”

Ana – “And we can do Chuck E Cheese next year?” Producing a “Chuck E. Cheese Next Year” document for me to sign.

Me- “Sure!” Signing the “Chuck E. Cheese Next Year” document and hoping her long-term memory continues to be a lot like swiss cheese.

Ana – “YAY! A pony party!”

Me- “YAY! A pony party!”

I collapsed, tears of relief to mingling with the Herr’s sour cream & onion flavoring. Mmmm, life was good again.

 

But because I still felt shitty about denying her Chuck E Cheese, I was determined to make this the best party ever. And so, after bottoming out on the chips, I opened my laptop, ordered her purple cowboy boots, then went to Pinterest and got to work.

Note: Any and all links in this post are because I assume you’re as nosy as I am, and want to know what I used or selected. These are not advertisements.

How Pinterest took my party planning from "Blah" to "Please take this hammer out of my hand." www.OneClassyMotha.com

First, I created an Ana’s Pony Party board, then I spent HOURS looking through pins, websites, and online magazines. I wanted to streamline this board, not junk it up with any and all ideas like my other useless boards. My intent was to fill it with everything I needed to create an adorable Vintage Pony Party.  And I mean everything. I found invitations, banners, water bottle wraps, signs, thank you cards, cupcake toppers, etc, etc. Then, hoping to get her excited, I presented it all to the birthday girl. Big mistake.

It seems that somewhere along the line she’s developed opinions, strong opinions, mostly of the “I don’t give a shit how much time you’ve invested in this, I don’t like it.” variety. (*note to self: next year will be a surprise party)

Unfortunately, her ideas were the complete opposite from mine. I wanted soft pinks, browns, and rustic chic.

rusticpony

 

She wanted neon, in your face, and can be seen from space.

neon pony

So I spent MORE hours on Pinterest until I found something in the middle.

etsyinvite

 

Cute, right? And the entire kit was only $40! You can get it here.

But I forgot to factor in the cost of quality printing on stock paper ($70)…or the 35 pages of intricate cutting ($150 in Carpal Tunnel medical co-pays).

Now that the theme was established, I could continue on…

Food Presentation

Pinterest made me believe that I had to have the most clever food presentation ever.

party setting

carrots

OMG! I could do stuff like that, couldn’t I? I must.

Over the next week, I ignored my family and spent every available moment hunting for containers, bows, paper straws, baskets, favor bags, custom stickers, anything that screamed “Pinterest worthy!”

It wasn’t until I yelled at my husband for blocking the monitor while I was trying to read user reviews on two competing wooden fork manufacturers, that I realized I was drowning in the details. But I soldiered on.

FYI, theses are the forks I selected:

forks

Party favors

Oh, the party favors on Pinterest! I think I lost my mind once or twice on those. Here’s what I decided to make (yeah, make):

Stick Horses

felt horses

Tell me these aren’t the most adorable things ever! They’re super simple to make and you can get the pattern here.

As soon as I saw this Pin, I grabbed my keys and rushed right to the craft store to buy enough wool felt for 15 horses. Unfortunately, I had to take Ana and her opinions with me.

Three hours and two meltdowns later (both mine), we returned, not with the nice, neutral, classy felt I wanted, but with this…

IMG_9104

For six nights, I donned sunglasses and diligently worked on my ‘Horses on Acid’ project. And on the seventh morning, I woke up to see their neon heads scattered across my kitchen island like some mass Pinterest protest, and I couldn’t help but to cry at their beautifully ugly existence.

IMG_8801

Favor number 2…

Painted Horse Shoes

So I was speaking with Ana’s horseback riding instructor – oh, did I forget to mention that we signed her up for lessons because suddenly she was all about horses? Fifty bucks a pop. I should have stuck with Chuck E Cheese, the medication to clear up any bacterial infections she most definitely would have acquired, would’ve been cheaper.  Anyway, her instructor said that they’d provide a horseshoe for each kid if I wanted to buy fabric paint for them to decorate while they’re waiting for their turn to ride a pony.

“Oh yes, I saw that on Pinterest! That’s an awesome idea!”

And then she asked me if I was handy, and sent me home with a bucket full of dirty, nail filled horseshoes. I couldn’t believe it. I still can’t.

Day 1 of horseshoe refurbishing:

Day one began with me out in my driveway trying to remove old rusty nails from shit-packed horseshoes. After several experimental methods, I settled on holding down the horseshoe with my right foot while I twisted and pulled those bastard nails out with a hammer.

I had just put a winter boot on my right foot, to protect my ankle from contracting tetanus, when the pizza man pulled up.

Hobbling towards him, flip flop on my left foot, furry boot on my right foot, hammer in my hand.

“Heyyy there!” I waved, the weight of the hammer exaggerating the movement. “Hahaha, I bet you’re wondering what I’m doing.”

“No, I’m good.”

He extended the pizza towards me and curved his torso inward. An obvious attempt to protect his vital organs, no doubt.

“I was just pulling some nails out of those horseshoes over there.” gesturing to a bucket stained with red rust and swarming with flies.

I had a feeling he was thinking, or human head.

He just got in his car and left.

 

Day 2 of horseshoe refurbishing

The horseshoes were finally nail free, shit free, and dry, and it was time to paint them black. 

  

 About a 1/4 of the way into the job, I ran out of spray paint so I had to run to our local hardware store.  Ana was home from school with a slight tummy ache so I had to take her with me.

Once in the store,  she looked at me and said, “I don’t feel so good”. Oh shit. “I think I’m going to be sick.” Oh shit. Then she did this lurching thing, like my cat does just before she coughs up a hairball, and I knew we didn’t have time to find a bathroom. The speed at which my mind processed and reacted to the impending horror still amazes me. Have you ever seen the game show Supermarket Sweep?

[embedit snippet=”supermarket-sweep”]

Dropping my purse, I ran down the paint aisle, grabbed 3 cans of black spray paint meant for metal surfaces, a box of latex gloves, and a stack of buckets (I had no time to separate them), and returned just in time to catch her vomit.

My exit strategy took a little more thought.

I made Ana hold her vomit bucket and stay 5 paces behind me. Once we got to the register, I gestured to her, and told the cashier that she loved the bucket so much she simply refused to part with it. I then handed him the other buckets and told him to use the sku. “Kids!” I said shaking my head.

When I looked back, some smiley college kid had appeared behind her. I watched as he peeked over her head and into the bucket. Then I watched his smile fade.

IMG_8800

 

After I finished spray painting, I set the horseshoes next to our door to dry. Then I ordered a pizza. Again.

Thankfully a different pizza guy arrived.  He looked at the horseshoes next to the door and said, “So, do you have horses?”

I looked around our .33 acre lot before responding,”Yes, and they have to take their shoes off before they come in.”

The Cake

The cake was a battle.

I was still holding on to my Vintage Pony dream when I practically begged/bridbed Ana to let me make this:

cake1

But she wasn’t having it.

Instead, she grabbed my computer and spent an hour browsing Pinterest until finally settling on this:

cake2

She insisted I try my hand at cutting horse silhouettes out of black fondant.

“I can’t make that!” I said, acknowledging my limitations for once. “Can’t I make the one I picked out? It’s easier.”

Looking sad, “You keep having all the ideas and want to do everything you like. Whose party is this anyway?”

Bending down on my knees and taking her sweet face into my hands, “Oh darling, this party belongs to Pinterest.”

And that’s when I knew I had to unplug the computer. It was time to respect what she wanted, to embrace her neon…and to order a cake from the grocery store.

IMG_8872

 I should have written “SCREW YOU, PINTEREST!” on the side and outlined it with poorly shaped rosettes. 

And the party was wonderful! Our family and friends made the the afternoon special and awesome…not the Pinterest inspired details.

*I should mention…remember when Ana threw up at the hardware store? Well Brian got Ana’s stomach bug and had to miss her birthday party:(

Here are some pics from the party, if you care.

IMG_8828

IMG_8845

IMG_8868

painting

IMG_8862

eating

IMG_8814

Ana candles

Ana cake

Happy Birthday, Ana! We love you!

The Weekend in Crappy Pics

Friday was my fifth and final day volunteering at a kid’s summer camp. All the proceeds go to charity, so I’m pretty sure my karma is back on the rise after the whole chef heart attack incident last month.

It was also Ana’s fifth day of wearing this dress:

Look at the shame.

She still bathes, she even changes her underwear, but then she shimmies her body into that same damn dirty dress! Brian’s just happy she’s over last week’s obsession…remember the “clown outfit”?

On Satuday, I walked into the kitchen and saw this on my counter top:

The hamster’s exercise ball.

I then had the following exchange with Brian:

 

Me: Why is the hamster’s ball on the counter top?

Brian: I had to wash it out because he peed and pooped in it.

Me: You didn’t use the kitchen sponge, did you?

Brian: Nope.

Brian:………..

Brian: But the soap would have killed any germs on the sponge anyway.

Me: Did you use the kitchen sponge?

Brian: Nope

Brian:………..

Brian: It’s time to throw that sponge out anyway.

Me: Did you use the kitchen sponge?

Brian: Nope.

Me: You didn’t use the dishtowel to dry it, did you?

Brian: Nope.

Brian:………..

Brian: But why would that matter? The ball was clean at that point anyway.

Me: Did you use the dishtowel to dry it?

Brian: Nope.

 

I got rid of the sponge and the dishtowel.

 

We also went to two birthday parties on Saturday, my wonderful mother-in-law’s and my good friend’s, but I decided not to write about them. I think we can all agree that that’s an awesome gift right there. Honestly, anytime I’ve said to somebody “By the way, you’re in my blog post today!” I get a strange look, it’s like a cross between “Oh shit.” and “Why do you hate me so much?”

 

On Sunday, we pretty much did absolutely nothing all morning. Even Mr. Bojangles slept in.

As Brian and I were laying across the bed, he said to me, “Every other family is out in the world, doing something exciting today. We’re not very active people.”

I knew exactly where this was coming from and I was disgusted! “Have you been comparing your life with people posting on Facebook…again?”

He slowly nodded.

“Ugh. Listen up, Brian. If you have 500 Facebook friends, and 10 of those friends say they’re going horseback riding with their families, 8 of them are posting pictures while on vacation, and 3 are trekking through the Andes in Peru with just enough cell phone coverage to brag about it, how many friends does that leave you with?”

“Can you repeat that?”

“The answer is a shitload. A shitload of friends are probably just laying across their beds like us, feeling like lazy pieces of shit. All better now?”

I didn’t stay to hear his answer, I went running because he’s right, we’re not active enough.

Tip: Run on dreary days, in the middle of nowhere, alone. Just thinking there could be a murderer waiting around the corner will raise your heart rate, thereby, creating more of a calorie burn.

I’m just learning to run, and so far I’ve been doing it on the treadmill, and treadmills have these handy-dandy things called shelves. So as I was running free-range style, I began to wonder what people do with their keys, water bottle, towel, phone, lipstick, and money (in case I literally run across a yard sale). I did the only thing I could think of:

I lifted up my boobs and stored everything underneath, like a saggy hatchback. Before kids, these puppies weren’t capable of securing anything more than a ballpoint pen and some bus change. sigh.

How was your weekend?

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The Weekend in Crappy Pics

On Friday, the kids and I jumped in the car and headed to the Museum of Natural History! I can’t really explain it, but we ended up at Petco instead…buying a hamster. No one was more surprised than me, except maybe the hamster.

Ana kept calling him a guinea pig. I think that made him a little nervous about our hamster knowledge and the level of care that he’d receive.

Now here’s a little tip for Petco: If you’re selling an animal that requires tiny blocks of wood in its cage because “it’s a chewer”, how about you not send it home in a thin cardboard box?

There was a lot of screaming on that car ride…probably not the best transition for Blaze. Yes, Collin named him Blaze. I want to Photoshop him riding a chariot and wearing gladiator gear with the phrase “In a Blaze of Gory!” written underneath. I’d totally make that my LinkedIn profile pic.

 

On Saturday, I went to the gym and ran on the treadmill for 4 whole miles!

I’m relatively new to running, but with the help of some awesome music, I was really getting into it. In fact, I was really jamming out to the Pussycat Dolls’ “Don’t cha” song:
Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me? Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me? Don’t cha?
And as I felt my ass jiggling, the thought occurred to me “Shit, I’m the girlfriend”. I then skipped over to Cyndi Lauper’s “True Colors” to soothe my wounds.

 

Later that night, around cocktail hour, I sat on our deck with a martini in hand, crossed my legs, and saw something that reminded me of this poignant quote:

 

Victory at all costs, victory in spite of all terror, victory however long and hard the road may be; for without victory, there is no survival. – Winston Churchill

 

My Leg

I took a few moments to honor the little guy’s survival journey…then I plucked him.

 

On Sunday, I went running again.

Brian’s suspicious about all this exercise. He thinks I’m full of bullshit and that I’m either cheating on him or secretly shopping. Given the prickliness of my legs, he’s leaning towards shopping.

Sunday night, I attended a summer camp meeting. That’s right, all next week I’ll be volunteering my services at a summer camp organized by members of my neighborhood. It’s a great cause as all the proceeds go towards pancreatic cancer research. This ain’t no Camp Cheapo, guys- these chicks are organized!

In an attempt to put distance between myself and my children (who will be participating) I asked to be given kitchen duty, preparing snacks and meals for the campers. When I told Brian this he said, “Are you really qualified for that?” My response, “Oh, pah-leez, I have a PH freakin D in chicken nugget preparation and PB&J assembly.” But between you and me, I’m a little nervous about the mac & cheese.

I’ll let you guys know how it goes.

How was your weekend?

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