پاکستان میں Mostbet com ویب سائٹ ملاحظہ کریں، اور آپ یقینی طور پر کھیلوں پر شرط لگانے یا آن لائن کیسینو میں کھیلنے کے لیے یہاں واپس آنا چاہیں گے۔ کھیلوں کے شائقین کو ایونٹس کے ایک بڑے انتخاب، مختلف پروموشنز اور بونسز، مفت بیٹس، مفت گھماؤ اور زیادہ مشکلات تک رسائی حاصل ہے۔ اور کھیل کو مزید آسان بنانے کے لیے، ہم نے ایک موبائل ایپلیکیشن تیار کی ہے جسے آپ آسانی سے اپنے فون پر انسٹال کر سکتے ہیں۔

Dear Ladies, Fall is here, relax and let your body hair down!

Now that bikini waxing season has come to a close and leg hair maintenance has slowed down, I find I have a lot more time on my hands. Frankly, I’m kind of relieved, as weeding both my yard and my body was getting rather exhausting.

Every summer, I waste precious time and money trying various ways to eradicate my body hair. I’ve used messy home waxing kits, a god awful EpiLady that literally ripped the hairs from my nerve endings, and I’ve even performed a sad duct tape experiment which did little more than exfoliate my skin. But in the end, I always come back to good ol’ Nair.

“Nair?” you ask. Well, for those of you not “in the know”, Nair is a wonderful, deadly chemical that melts away body hair in ten minutes and burns a hole through the ozone layer in five- so you know it works. I love it! (This is not a sponsored post. If it were, it’d be the worst one ever.)

The instructions say to put it on your hairy parts for a maximum of 6 minutes, but I treat that as more of a suggestion than a warning because chemical burns are hardly noticeable when you have an awesome tan.  So I spend a full 15 minutes naked, cold, and covered in white cream, while avoiding furniture and doing squats. Hey, if I have 15 naked minutes to kill, it’s either have a drink or do squats…and unfortunately, the Potassium Thioglycolate fumes interfere with the bouquet of my wine.

* I highly recommend you lock the bathroom door while doing this otherwise you might burn your kid’s eyes out…and I ain’t talking from the fumes. Here, want to see a pic of me getting my Nair on? click here.

I’ve discovered that it’s important that you remain upright while waiting for the Nair to work on your bikini bits. I once dropped something on the bathroom floor and bent down to retrieve it, ten minutes later I was bald in some areas and had crop circles in others. Not the look I was going for.

And because I really like you, I’m going to tell you something that many women will not share…when you’re bare down there…are you ready for this?…your pee goes everywhere! It’s so disgustingly true! I realize some women like to line the public toilets with toilet paper, so for them this may not be a problem. However, I prefer to hover in public restrooms, but (make a note here) you CANNOT hover with a Brazilian or even a Nair-Brazilian knock off. A ship needs a rudder, if you know what I mean. Show me a pee splattered toilet and I’ll show you a “bald down there” girl.

I can’t even imagine getting a Brazilian. Having someone so up close and personal, and who probably doesn’t even want to be there in the first place, is totally awkward and not unlike some of my past dates. When would I schedule it anyway? First thing in the morning?  I don’t even go to the dentist without brushing my teeth in their lobby first. So how could I get a Brazilian without the opportunity to shower seconds before stripping?  I guess I could always shove an Altoids up there?  Though, I pray I remember to pee first…ever put an Altoids in your mouth then drink a glass of water? Cold flames from Hell, my friend. Cold. Flames. From. Hell.

Oh screw it, I’ve got at least 8 months to worry about this. So back to my original point: Fall is here ladies, relax, enjoy the long pants, and let your body hair down!

Ladies:This post will make you grateful that the pool is finally closed.

Weekend in Crappy Pics!

 

All last week, I worked my ass off around the house…then developed bronchitis.  I think it was my body’s way of saying, “Whoa! Slow down there, Kim. Clean houses are overrated.” So I pretty much sat around all weekend eating nachos and lighting fires in the fireplace.

At some point on Saturday, I peeled myself off the couch to find out why everyone was so quiet. Standing up and looking around, I noticed a theme- Death and Destruction….

The naked, tied-up Barbie concerned me the most. But not enough.

“Carry on.”

On Saturday night, we decided to cook some hot dogs on the grill.  That was an unfortunate idea…

Turns out there was a mouse nest under the burner…which Brian lit before realizing it:(

Unfortunately (or fortunately) for you, I forgot to take a picture of the nest because I was so distraught with guilt and sadness- I thought for sure we roasted a whole rodent family. But guess what? There were no bodies. On a hunch, I told Brian to open the grill’s cabinet doors. He did, and there they were, two adorable mice! They reminded me of my own childhood pet mice, minus the Salmonella & Typhoid fever.

They ran around for a bit while I named them, then they hopped through the back of the cabinet and scampered off into the cold, dark, starry night- her riding on the back of a squirrel as they followed the North Star in search of a manger in which to birth their little Mouse Savior. That’s right, I’ve already written and cast a movie about their life based on the 1965 film “The Greatest Story Ever Told”.  It’s called “The Mouse-siah”, and it stars Stuart Little as Cheesus Christ.

 

On Sunday, I hired two college kids to clean up the leaves in our yard while Brian & Collin watched football, Ana tested & perfected 32 different restraining knots, and I continued to stare at the fireplace and stuff my face.

 

Then on Sunday night, while feeling like a fat sloth, I received this text…

I said to myself, “Hmm…I don’t know an Emma. I should probably click on this and find out what it is.”

So I did…

WTF, Universe?

So then I replied…

 

Oh, and apparently a wind storm came through while we slept last night…blowing leaves into our yard.

Only our yard. But we didn’t get hit by any tornados, like most of the country, so I should probably shut the hell up.

 

How was your weekend?

 

Is your Holiday shopping done? Mine either. Check out my sponsor GiftsForYouNow.com, they have a bazillion gifts that you can personalize for that special person, or for that person that isn’t special but you want them to think they are. 

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