پاکستان میں Mostbet com ویب سائٹ ملاحظہ کریں، اور آپ یقینی طور پر کھیلوں پر شرط لگانے یا آن لائن کیسینو میں کھیلنے کے لیے یہاں واپس آنا چاہیں گے۔ کھیلوں کے شائقین کو ایونٹس کے ایک بڑے انتخاب، مختلف پروموشنز اور بونسز، مفت بیٹس، مفت گھماؤ اور زیادہ مشکلات تک رسائی حاصل ہے۔ اور کھیل کو مزید آسان بنانے کے لیے، ہم نے ایک موبائل ایپلیکیشن تیار کی ہے جسے آپ آسانی سے اپنے فون پر انسٹال کر سکتے ہیں۔

Notes from Camp Cheapo, Day 3, Season 2

A letter to the Camp Cheapo parents:

 

 

Dear Camp Cheapo Campers,

It’s with a heavy heart that I say, the garage doors of Camp Cheapo are officially closed for the remainder of the week.

It seems that one of our campers brought more than her enthusiasm with her on Tuesday afternoon.

Yes, by now you probably realize that Camper X was teeming with, not only excitement, but with a vicious influenza related virus waiting to attack your little camper bodies.

Out of respect and privacy for the family (who single handedly shut down Camp Cheapo merely by showing up), I will not reveal the identity of this camper. After all, crushing the summertime dreams of neighborhood friends must be a hard thing for a little, blonde haired girl from Rosewood Street to live with.

Last night, as I was feverishly measuring out 2 tablespoons of Tylenol, I couldn’t help but to think how Camp Cheapo could improve in the areas of hygiene and illness prevention. So after speaking with our Camp Director, Events Coordinator, and Lead Counselor (me,me, and me), we decided that next year’s activities will be expanded to include Delousing Powder Relays, Surgical Mask Art, and water balloons filled with hand sanitizer.

I’ve enclosed a group picture from the first day of Camp for each of you, as a memento of our brief, but good times together.

I urge you to please let go of any resentment that you might hold towards your fellow camper (who shall remain nameless, because that’s the right thing to do). Besides, it could have been any one of us.

“My favorite part of Camp Cheapo was the the Dunk Bucket! My least favorite part was the sore throat and raging fever.” – Collin, age 9

Sincerely,

Kim

Camp Director

Free Advice Friday! Negotiation Skillz!

Dear Kim,

Now that both my children will be in school full time, I plan to go back to work this fall. I recently started looking for a job. I noticed that you’re now expected to tell employers your asking salary instead of them telling you what the position pays. I’ve been out of the work force so long that I’m not sure I feel confident enough to ask for the salary I really want. How do I begin to build my confidence?

 

Gina in Meekington, MO

 

 

Dear Gina,

It seems to me that you need to get a set of balls! Honestly Gina, learning to juggle can do wonders for your self-esteem.

But if you don’t have a local Juggling/Circus school nearby (boo!), there are other ways to work on your confidence level.

What you really need to do is to practice your negotiating skills. Start small with interpersonal relationships: the babysitter wants $10.00 an hour, you offer $7.00, your husband wants sex, you say “not tonight but maybe tomorrow”, you’re getting a bikini wax, make her throw in a free upper lip. Trust me Gina, your confidence will build quicker than the dust on your sex toy collection!

Next, move on to negotiations within the corporate world. Gina, it’s imperative that you’re constantly on the look out for any opportunity that allows you to sharpen this skill. Take this sign, for example…

“A penny for your thoughts”

…and my subsequent letter to them:

 

Dear WSFS,

I rode by your bank the other day and noticed that you’re currently offering to pay your customers a penny for their thoughts. While I’m highly flattered that you would place any value on my thinking, I’m equally insulted by their estimated worth. A penny? For ALL of my thoughts? Granted, I have a lot of bullshit going on up there, but a penny?

So after stopping at the bakery, tanning salon, and liquor store, I headed over to Citizen Bank where I met with a nice man named Chad. After listening to some of my sample thoughts on religion, politics, and home decor, Chad assured me that his bank was prepared to offer me a penny PER thought! That’s almost like 5 times what you’re willing to pay! I’m going to need you to beat that.

Here’s just one of the gems that the lucky bank can expect from me:

“I bet a picture of a naked woman on the front of the toilet tank would motivate a man to put the seat down.”

Boom!

And I have plenty more where that came from!

WSFS, I need to hear a strong counteroffer by midnight tonight (12am EST), otherwise Citizen bank will be the proud owner of ALL of my thoughts (or as many as it takes to afford one of those cute capuchin monkeys).

Sincerely,
Kim
www.oneclassymotha.com

Gina, with practice, you’ll soon feel confident enough to demand the salary you deserve!

Sincerely,
Kim
www.oneclassymotha.com

 

P.S. Don’t go with National Bank. The huge sign in their lobby says “We want your two cents!”  In my opinion, asking your customers for money is no way to run a business.
 
 
*DISCLOSURE: The above thoughts are the disappointed property of WSFS Bank.

 

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A letter to my local bank. My story of betrayal and revenge.

Dear WSFS,

Last week, while driving to pick up my dog from his anal gland surgery, I noticed your sign:


Admittedly, I was a little intimidated by such a vague writing prompt. I mean, “Everyone has a story, tell us yours” lacks any real direction, and I prefer to work within well defined parameters. However, I considered it a challenge and started brainstorming almost immediately.

I asked myself “Candy Ass (positive self-talk), what type of story would WSFS be interested in? Maybe a cute animal story? Maybe a human interest piece?”

And then it occurred to me…I could write about the time I saved my cat by performing CPR! But I’d leave out the part where I got flustered and also gave him the Heimlich maneuver (he was never choking). *FYI- the Heimlich is extremely difficult to perform on an unconscious cat. They keep flopping over at the waist.

I ran the cat idea by my husband but, although impressed by my heroism, he suggested that perhaps you were looking for a story with a financial focus. That made sense.

After hearing that, my mind went straight to my childhood “Day After Easter” resale business.

I actually never cared much for candy but, between my parents and grandparents, I received 3 Easter baskets every year. And every year, on the day after Easter, I would set up a table at the end of my driveway and sell my surplus of candy to the kids in the neighborhood. Afterwards, I’d trash what didn’t sell.

Those kids both loved and despised me. I imagine it’s the kind of relationship a drug dealer has with his druggie clients.

Anyway, business was good until the Easter of 1983. That year I sold only 2 hollow Easter bunnies, a handful of chocolate coins, and 3 bags of jelly beans. I knew with numbers like that I’d never get my Cabbage Patch Kid by the end of the school year. (I was going to name her Andrea and love her forever)

The next day, after drowning my sorrows in a bottomless bowl of Fruit Loops, I hopped on my Huffy and noticed a flyer smacking around in my spokes. I pulled it out:

 

THE “TWO DAYS AFTER EASTER” CANDY SALE!
Billy’s house 12pm-2pm
cash or trade for Baseball cards

Son of a bitch! I rode right over there…and that candy line was ridiculous!

It took some intimidation, but it turns out that Billy told the kids he’d have cheaper candy and that they should wait for his sale. He then stole MY candy from MY trashcan to sell!

That little ass had undercut me with my own product! (I secretly admired his tactic)

The way I saw it I had 3 options:

1. Give up the Easter candy business
2. Start riding across town to throw away my excess candy.
3. Ruin him.

Not surprisingly, I chose option 3.

The following year I held my sale as usual. And once again, numbers were low. That’s ok Billy, that’s ok…

Later that afternoon, I took my leftover chocolate, a box of my grandmothers laxatives (Chocolate Ex-Lax, extra strength), and some candy molds up to my darkened bedroom.

I spent hours up there melting laxatives and chocolate bunnies together in my Easy Bake oven while taking hits off my scratch-n-sniff stickers and laughing maniacally.

After the “candy” hardened, I re-wrapped it and dumped everything in the outside trashcan. Then I sat by my window drinking orange Shasta and waiting for Billy to be his own undoing. Mwahahaha!

Let’s just say that the following year Billy no longer had the consumers’ trust (or their parents’), my candy sales were back up, and I was able to purchase my first Cabbage Patch Kid! *Can you believe I had to camp out all night in a Boscov’s parking lot to get that damn Andrea? Now you can’t give them away.

WSFS, if anything can be learned from sharing my story, I hope it’s this- have faith in your dreams, show resilience when faced with adversity, and most importantly practice quiet patience…because a great revenge plan can take up to a year or more to execute.

Sincerely,

Kim S
www.oneclassymotha.com

P.S. You’re free to include this letter as part of your corporate training program.

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Another letter to my local bank – a solid loan request.

Dear WSFS,

I was beyond excited to see that WSFS is now offering Makeover Loans to its customers!  You truly are a progressive bank and I, for one, applaud your company.  Not every bank understands that beautiful people make better customers.

Shortly after seeing your advertisement, I set up a consultation with a plastic surgeon to determine just how much money I would need to borrow.

Unfortunately it was a terrible experience.  Call me sensitive, but I think it’s completely unprofessional for a plastic surgeon to play “Let Me Guess What You Need”.  I walked into his office wanting a boob job and a tummy tuck, but I walked out crying while holding pamphlets about ear pinning, ass implants, and something called vaginal rejuvenation.  He says I’m going to need a pretty hefty loan.

I plan on coming in next week to speak with one of your loan officers about obtaining my Makeover Loan. I have already gathered all the information I believe you’ll need to speed up the loan approval process. Below are the steps I’ve taken:

My credit score:

Using mycreditscore.org, I’ve evaluated my credit history and I’m proud to say it is exemplary.  In my experience, the key to money management is 1. Always pay your monthly credit card statements in full  2. Don’t apply for a retail credit card just because they offer 10% off your purchase  3. Make a monthly budget and stick to it  4. Take all the Keurig K-cups from your doctor’s waiting room instead of buying them  and  5. Never put your personal lubrication on auto-refill (it lasts longer than you think).

Earnings:

I’ve located and made copies of all my yearly earnings.  I’m currently self employed as a talent manager for my dog, Mr. Bojangles.  Perhaps you’ve seen him in the SPCA’s newest spay & neuter campaign “Bones Not Boners”?

Yo Dawg- condoms break, snip your snake!

While it’s not steady work, it’s quite lucrative.  I was originally earning only 20% commission, but just last month I gave myself a 100% raise.  I see this as fair since I’ve missed all of my children’s recitals, doctor’s appointments, and baptisms to shuttle his furry butt around.  And he’s not the easiest animal to work for, he’s chronically late and always crapping on the set.

References:

I realize that it’s important to offer letters that can attest to both my character and my need for improvement. So far I have acquired letters from my husband, my gynecologist, and the lady that waxes my bikini area.  I’m still waiting to hear back from my college boyfriend, as he was the last one to see my body in tip top shape.

Please let me know if there is anything else, other than the above documents and my driver’s license, that I should bring with me.

Thank you,

Kim S.

www.oneclassymotha.com

P.S.  I noticed you are offering a Veteran Loan program.  I think it’s a wonderful thing you’re doing.  If we didn’t already have a veteran in the family to teach my children about war, country, and sacrifice, I would totally borrow one from WSFS.

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