پاکستان میں Mostbet com ویب سائٹ ملاحظہ کریں، اور آپ یقینی طور پر کھیلوں پر شرط لگانے یا آن لائن کیسینو میں کھیلنے کے لیے یہاں واپس آنا چاہیں گے۔ کھیلوں کے شائقین کو ایونٹس کے ایک بڑے انتخاب، مختلف پروموشنز اور بونسز، مفت بیٹس، مفت گھماؤ اور زیادہ مشکلات تک رسائی حاصل ہے۔ اور کھیل کو مزید آسان بنانے کے لیے، ہم نے ایک موبائل ایپلیکیشن تیار کی ہے جسے آپ آسانی سے اپنے فون پر انسٹال کر سکتے ہیں۔

Dear Ladies, Fall is here, relax and let your body hair down!

Now that bikini waxing season has come to a close and leg hair maintenance has slowed down, I find I have a lot more time on my hands. Frankly, I’m kind of relieved, as weeding both my yard and my body was getting rather exhausting.

Every summer, I waste precious time and money trying various ways to eradicate my body hair. I’ve used messy home waxing kits, a god awful EpiLady that literally ripped the hairs from my nerve endings, and I’ve even performed a sad duct tape experiment which did little more than exfoliate my skin. But in the end, I always come back to good ol’ Nair.

“Nair?” you ask. Well, for those of you not “in the know”, Nair is a wonderful, deadly chemical that melts away body hair in ten minutes and burns a hole through the ozone layer in five- so you know it works. I love it! (This is not a sponsored post. If it were, it’d be the worst one ever.)

The instructions say to put it on your hairy parts for a maximum of 6 minutes, but I treat that as more of a suggestion than a warning because chemical burns are hardly noticeable when you have an awesome tan.  So I spend a full 15 minutes naked, cold, and covered in white cream, while avoiding furniture and doing squats. Hey, if I have 15 naked minutes to kill, it’s either have a drink or do squats…and unfortunately, the Potassium Thioglycolate fumes interfere with the bouquet of my wine.

* I highly recommend you lock the bathroom door while doing this otherwise you might burn your kid’s eyes out…and I ain’t talking from the fumes. Here, want to see a pic of me getting my Nair on? click here.

I’ve discovered that it’s important that you remain upright while waiting for the Nair to work on your bikini bits. I once dropped something on the bathroom floor and bent down to retrieve it, ten minutes later I was bald in some areas and had crop circles in others. Not the look I was going for.

And because I really like you, I’m going to tell you something that many women will not share…when you’re bare down there…are you ready for this?…your pee goes everywhere! It’s so disgustingly true! I realize some women like to line the public toilets with toilet paper, so for them this may not be a problem. However, I prefer to hover in public restrooms, but (make a note here) you CANNOT hover with a Brazilian or even a Nair-Brazilian knock off. A ship needs a rudder, if you know what I mean. Show me a pee splattered toilet and I’ll show you a “bald down there” girl.

I can’t even imagine getting a Brazilian. Having someone so up close and personal, and who probably doesn’t even want to be there in the first place, is totally awkward and not unlike some of my past dates. When would I schedule it anyway? First thing in the morning?  I don’t even go to the dentist without brushing my teeth in their lobby first. So how could I get a Brazilian without the opportunity to shower seconds before stripping?  I guess I could always shove an Altoids up there?  Though, I pray I remember to pee first…ever put an Altoids in your mouth then drink a glass of water? Cold flames from Hell, my friend. Cold. Flames. From. Hell.

Oh screw it, I’ve got at least 8 months to worry about this. So back to my original point: Fall is here ladies, relax, enjoy the long pants, and let your body hair down!

Ladies:This post will make you grateful that the pool is finally closed.

This Season’s Hottest Summer Leg Hairstyles!

 

Spice up your summer with one of these trendy summer leg hairstyles! Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy!

 

Tired of the same old ‘do? Are your limb locks looking limp? Well, good news, I’m here to give you some much needed insp-hair-ation! Today, I’ve rounded up some of my favorite summer leg hairstyles, complete with “How To’s” so you can create the look at home and spice up your summer style!

 

1. The Maxi Dress

Oh please, we all know what your leg hair looks like under that maxi dress!

This leg hairstyle is super simple and says “I’m ready for summer fun, daytime or nighttime, ’cause with follicle maintenance on the back burner, I ain’t got nothing but time!”

How to Get the Look:

Step 1: Cultivate a “f@ck this bullshit” attitude.

step 2: Shampoo leg hairs.

Step 3: Blow-dry hair using fingers until it’s three-quarters of the way dry, then work in mousse from root to end, tousle and go!

2. The Capri

We all know what your leg hair looks like under those capris!

The Capri is a sassy summertime style for the woman who cares about the appearance of self-maintenance without all that pesky effort. Let your ankles scream “I’m sexy”, while leaving your calves plenty of time to watch Wheel of Fortune.

How to Get the Look:

step 1: Lather leg hairs.

step 2: Shave no more than 6 inches above the ankle.

Step 3: Apply a leave-in conditioner to the remaining hair, then blow-dry with a large round brush.

Step 4: Once hair is completely dry, run a styling cream through to separate strands creating a piece-y texture to prevent stiff hairs from poking through your polyester pants during book club.

step 5: Top the look off with peep toe shoes, painting only the toenails that show.

3. The Bermuda

We all know what your leg hair looks like under those shorts!

For the woman who wants to feel super sexy…but only from the top of the shins down! This style will take you from school drop-off to a romantic dinner for five at Applebee’s!

How to Get the look:

Step 1: Lather leg hairs.

Step 2: Shave from the ankles to that place where you usually cut yourself (also known as the kneecap).

Step 3: Blow Dry.

Step 4: With a medium-barrel iron, curl small sections all over thighs, then break them apart with fingers to create a wavy, imperfect texture. Use a fine-tooth comb to tease at roots then smooth over and comb upward towards the vagina.

4.The Swimskirt

We all know what your leg hair looks like under that swimskirt!

The “Swimskirt” because you’re more of a lawn boy than a bushwhacker

How to Get the Look:

Step 1: Lather legs.

Step 2: Put on some Sarah McLaughlin and guzzle a dirty martini.

Step 3: Pull out a brand new razor and shave until you’d rather be “…in the arms of an angel…”

Step 4: Blow dry using a diffuser.

Step 5: Divide the pubic region into a few large sections. Using your biggest curling iron on each ,hold the iron vertically and wrap sections down the barrel—starting at mid-shaft and working your way to the back.

Step 6: Use texturizing balm or wax to separate strands and control fly-aways.

5.The Bikini

you actually took time to shave? how?

Well, well, you smug son-of-a-bitch…you’re the reason my husband says ridiculous things like, “I hear most women don’t french braid their leg hairs.” and goes around dropping hints like, “For the love of all that is good and holy, can’t you PLEASE shave?!”

How to Get the Look:

Step 1: Check the calendar. Is it your anniversary and/or your husband’s birthday? If YES, than continue to Step 2. If NO…umm…are you sure you really want to do this?

Step 2: Making sure the bathroom is clear of *cats, get naked and stand in the middle of an empty tub.

Step 3: Apply generous amounts of Nair to all areas of the lower body, and set a kitchen timer for 10 minutes.

Step 4: While standing there naked, cold, and vulnerable, take this opportunity to reflect on any regrets or bad decision you’ve made in your lifetime (maybe this is one of them?). Now imagine pouring Nair over all of that negativity. Feel it burning along with your skin. Can you smell the bad energy leaving the room? Yes, it does smell an awful lot like sulfur and calcium thioglycolate.

Step 5: Rinse with cool water & pat dry. Now dry your tears.

Step 6: Apply baby powder between your thigh to keep from squeaking when you walk.

*accidentally remove their fur once, and they’ll shit every time they see you put lotion on. Trust me.

No matter which style you pick, make sure to ROCK IT! Now get out there and show the world what you’re made of! (in my case, wine & sarcasm)

The Weekend in Crappy Pics

On Friday, the kids and I jumped in the car and headed to the Museum of Natural History! I can’t really explain it, but we ended up at Petco instead…buying a hamster. No one was more surprised than me, except maybe the hamster.

Ana kept calling him a guinea pig. I think that made him a little nervous about our hamster knowledge and the level of care that he’d receive.

Now here’s a little tip for Petco: If you’re selling an animal that requires tiny blocks of wood in its cage because “it’s a chewer”, how about you not send it home in a thin cardboard box?

There was a lot of screaming on that car ride…probably not the best transition for Blaze. Yes, Collin named him Blaze. I want to Photoshop him riding a chariot and wearing gladiator gear with the phrase “In a Blaze of Gory!” written underneath. I’d totally make that my LinkedIn profile pic.

 

On Saturday, I went to the gym and ran on the treadmill for 4 whole miles!

I’m relatively new to running, but with the help of some awesome music, I was really getting into it. In fact, I was really jamming out to the Pussycat Dolls’ “Don’t cha” song:
Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me? Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me? Don’t cha?
And as I felt my ass jiggling, the thought occurred to me “Shit, I’m the girlfriend”. I then skipped over to Cyndi Lauper’s “True Colors” to soothe my wounds.

 

Later that night, around cocktail hour, I sat on our deck with a martini in hand, crossed my legs, and saw something that reminded me of this poignant quote:

 

Victory at all costs, victory in spite of all terror, victory however long and hard the road may be; for without victory, there is no survival. – Winston Churchill

 

My Leg

I took a few moments to honor the little guy’s survival journey…then I plucked him.

 

On Sunday, I went running again.

Brian’s suspicious about all this exercise. He thinks I’m full of bullshit and that I’m either cheating on him or secretly shopping. Given the prickliness of my legs, he’s leaning towards shopping.

Sunday night, I attended a summer camp meeting. That’s right, all next week I’ll be volunteering my services at a summer camp organized by members of my neighborhood. It’s a great cause as all the proceeds go towards pancreatic cancer research. This ain’t no Camp Cheapo, guys- these chicks are organized!

In an attempt to put distance between myself and my children (who will be participating) I asked to be given kitchen duty, preparing snacks and meals for the campers. When I told Brian this he said, “Are you really qualified for that?” My response, “Oh, pah-leez, I have a PH freakin D in chicken nugget preparation and PB&J assembly.” But between you and me, I’m a little nervous about the mac & cheese.

I’ll let you guys know how it goes.

How was your weekend?

Psst…could you do me a little fave and click the banner below and throw me a vote? Just a click validates me. Thanks!
Top Mommy Blogs - Mom Blog Directory

Follow

Get every new post on this blog delivered to your Inbox.

Join other followers: