Let’s play a game, it’s called “What’s happening here?”

No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service

Ugh. Every morning we’re late for preschool because Ana either won’t get dressed or she repeatedly takes off the clothes that I just convinced her to wear. Dressing and redressing her multiple times, every single morning, is EXHAUSTING.

At my wit’s end, I told her that if she wasn’t dressed when we had to leave, she’d have to finish getting dressed at school. She pretty much told me to stick it up my ass, so I decided to let her experience the consequences of that decision.

When we arrived at preschool (sans shirt and shoes), I removed her coat and dressed her in the corner of the classroom. I could tell she was embarrassed and I suddenly felt really shitty about the whole “following through” tactic- but DAMN, I can’t keep being her bitch.

After she was dressed, we talked and we hugged. I then proceeded to stand outside of her classroom for the next 15 minutes to make sure she wasn’t traumatized. I felt like crap. I mean, I know that whole point was for her to be affected by the situation, but Dr. Phil never said it would be so heart wrenching. Damn you Dr. Phil. *shaking my fist*

Needing to cheer up and needing a boost of dopamine, I headed to my dealer…Marshalls. (read about my love for Marshalls here)

Now here’s where I give you some common sense (except if you’re me) advice: if you feel fat, bloated, and sad, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT try on Spandex workout clothes- it will only compound your sadness. Stick with shoe or lamp shopping.

After returning the clothes to the dressing room lady, I headed over to the home decor department. I wandered around until I came across an aisle that had ottomans. I’d been looking for one for a while now and I saw two possibilities on the shelf. I grabbed the first one, set it on the ground, put my ass on it…and fell in! WTF?! right?

Turns out it was one of those storage ottomans where the lid sits on top, only this lid wasn’t lined up properly so it flipped off, and now I was stuck inside with my legs in the air. FYI- there’s no graceful way to extract yourself from a storage ottoman.

After getting out, I took the other ottoman down, (making sure it didn’t have a misaligned lid) sat on it, and proceeded to cry. While my mind was sad, I couldn’t help but to notice that my ass was pretty damn comfy. So when I was done crying, I took it to the counter and bought it.

The ottoman now sits in my kitchen, still damp from all the tears. I can’t decide if I like it or if it was an emotional purchase, so I’m going to keep the tags on for a few months.

Oh, and I forgot to mention that I accidentally stole an umbrella from Marshall’s. It was under the ottoman in the cart and I forgot to pay for it. But you’ll be happy to know that I took it back in (even though it was raining and I could’ve really used an umbrella).

*Don’t steal kids because it’s wrong (but mostly because karma’s a huge bitch).

When I picked Ana up she was upbeat and seemed to have forgotten the whole thing. We even played soccer together in the gymnasium for about 1/2 hour before heading home (a guilty conscience always makes me a more attentive parent). And guess what? She was dressed for school on Friday with almost no problem. So I guess this had a happy ending. But I still feel ucky.

P.S. I got my period later that day- that might explain all the crying.