My son is a total A-hole. He has decided 5:00 am will be the new wake up time and shrillingly yells and stomps all over that it’s “wake up time” In. Every. Room. He’s 2 1/2. Brother 4, sister 5. Is there any rule somewhere, either for or against, plopping them in front of the TV and letting the crew of Paw Patrol take the lead while I pretend to watch/snooze on the couch for another hour?? I’m pretty sure this isn’t a pediatrician approved way for my kids to start the day but somewhere in the mom book, just for a a few months, is there an emergency pass?? Tell me there is!!
Mourning my sleep in Minnesota
Yes, there is a rule, it’s called the “Do whatever the hell you need to do to be a somewhat healthy & functioning parent” rule. For me, that means completely dressing my 5 year old for school, THE NIGHT BEFORE. She totally drags ass in the morning, and I was about to go bonkers insane before coming up with this questionably brilliant solution. Here she is getting ready for bed:
“Nightie-night! It’s going to be a cold one tomorrow.”
What I’m trying to say is, if your sanity rests on plopping your 2 year old in front of the TV so you can snooze for another hour, then GO FOR IT! Besides, TV isn’t all bad- how do you think my kids learned their letters and numbers? Me? Ha! All the credit goes to Sesame Street. Of course, they now sound like Count von Count, “Vun, Doo, Thrrrree! Mommy bought thrrrree bottles of wine! ah…ah…ah…” An unfortunate side effect, but we’re looking into speech therapy.
But if damaging your child’s developing brain with television is a real concern, then might I suggest toys? Yes, toys. Go to a thrift shop, purchase a bunch of crappy toys, disinfect them until your hands bleed and the bleach makes your skin translucent, then put a new toy in your darling’s room each night while he’s sleeping. In the morning, he’ll be so into the new toy that he’ll totally forget about his carefully crafted plans of mental and emotional domination.
This appeared in Ana’s room after one particularly exhausting evening:
Do you have any idea how long it takes to color a house that big? At one point, she didn’t leave her room for a week, and we almost missed her bitching.
Mourning, I hope I’ve given you some encouragement and/or solutions to help turn your little A-hole into a little Angel. TV, toys, coloring books, whatever you need to do, do it! Oh, and make sure to hook a Clapper up to your television- no reason you should get out of bed.
Now put on Paw Patrol and get some rest!
I’d like to send a BIG SHOUT OUT to my newest sponsor Imagination T’s!