پاکستان میں Mostbet com ویب سائٹ ملاحظہ کریں، اور آپ یقینی طور پر کھیلوں پر شرط لگانے یا آن لائن کیسینو میں کھیلنے کے لیے یہاں واپس آنا چاہیں گے۔ کھیلوں کے شائقین کو ایونٹس کے ایک بڑے انتخاب، مختلف پروموشنز اور بونسز، مفت بیٹس، مفت گھماؤ اور زیادہ مشکلات تک رسائی حاصل ہے۔ اور کھیل کو مزید آسان بنانے کے لیے، ہم نے ایک موبائل ایپلیکیشن تیار کی ہے جسے آپ آسانی سے اپنے فون پر انسٹال کر سکتے ہیں۔

Are we still here?

December 21, 2012 Written by One Classy Motha

Shit.

If you’re reading this then that means the world didn’t end. Which is a good thing unless you came here looking for Free Advice Friday. I didn’t want to spend my last night on earth telling you how to live your life. So, instead I drank wine in bed while watching DVR’d episodes of How I Met Your Mother (don’t you dare judge me).

My “because the world didn’t end” to-do list:

Write “Free Advice Friday” and post it

Go shopping for Christmas gifts

Lose the 10 pounds I put on

Buy more wine

Clean the house

Go to the grocery store

Shave my legs

In the meantime, I’ll leave you with some random advice based on my own personal experience (throwing you a bone here):

Never Ever throw runny dog shit into a nearby bush.

The laws of physics dictate that the branches will bow, allowing some of the dog shit to slide to the ground, whereby the shift in weight will cause the branches to rapidly return with such velocity that it’ll fling the remaining shit back at you.

Shit will rain down on you. It just will. – I cried.

Now go out into the world wiser, showered, and grateful for another day!

UPDATE

P.S. Guess what happened at 6:11am? Turns out the Mayans weren’t predicting the apocalypse at all, they were predicting the start of my god awful menstrual cycle. So you see, this was all about me. Sorry for the scare:(

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She’s such a sweetie, not.

December 20, 2012 Written by One Classy Motha

20121220-181842.jpg
Brian: Are you going to look like mommy when you grow up?

Ana: By wearing her clothes?

Brian: No. I mean, will your face look like hers?

Ana: (her eyes dart all over my face) No way! Hers is bad and mines is not!

Really?! Well guess what, mommy’s spending your toy money on botox and a chemical peel.

Start thinking of names for your pet rock.

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Cheers on the cheap!

December 19, 2012 Written by One Classy Motha

I know it’s not Tuesday but I have to share this tip with you before the holidays are over.

We’re having our family over for Christmas Eve and I’m determined to serve a festive holiday cocktail to go along with our rum balls.  I looked all over the internet for ideas and found myself inspired by this pic (I pinned it on my Pinterest board):

Mmmm…drinks that taste like some of my favorite cookies!  I sooo wanted to make them!  Unfortunately, every recipe required 50 million ingredients and I had none…well I had vodka.

Wanting to impress my guests, I printed out the drink recipes and headed to the liquor store. And holy hell, do you know how much money I’d have to spend to make a martini that tastes like Oreos? A LOT.  No thank you, Martha Stewart of the Alcoholic World.  I went home empty handed.

I was staring at my wine bottles when I thought to myself, “self, you’re resourceful, creative, smart, and beautiful (positive self talk is important). Surely you can come up with a great holiday drink that doesn’t require crazy shit like orange bitters and liquor soaked in unicorn balls.”  And so I did.

And this is where I tell you how to make a holiday inspired drink from ingredients you probably already have in your kitchen!

The Poor Man’s Peppermint Patty Martini

What you’ll need:

cheap vodka

vanilla extract

half & half

hot cocoa mix

sugar (optional)

candy cane

 

Directions:

1.  The first thing you need to do is to stick your candy cane*** into the bottle of vodka and shake. Set aside.

*Initally, I felt bad about stealing a candy cane from Ana’s bag but then I noticed that the tag said Juliet.  So Ana stole it from Juliet and I stole it from Ana? Suddenly I didn’t feel so bad for Ana.

Who’s Juliet? Does she know her candy is going in my vodka?

**Before putting it in the vodka, I accidentally dropped the candy cane on the floor and then stepped on it for good measure. But the great thing about cheap vodka is its ability to kill everything, even floor germs.

2.  Pour a handful of half & half into a cup, heat it up in the microwave, then stir in some hot cocoa powder.

You’re free to read the instructions on the back of the hot cocoa tin, but why stress yourself?

Me, once again proving that careful measurement is overrated.

3.  Throw in a half cap of vanilla extract. stir. taste.  If it’s not sweet enough, add sugar.

4.  Pour your cocoa concoction in a cocktail shaker with some ice.

5. Grab your vodka.  The candy cane should be dissolved by now, leaving you with a beautiful pink color.

Festive, no?

Now pour 2-3 gugs of vodka into the shaker.  What’s a “gug”?  It’s my unit of measurement for all my drink recipes.  As I pour alcohol, Brian usually stands next to me saying “gug, gug, gug,gug,….” to make me feel self conscious about drinking, then he goes out to smoke a cigar (a tobacco product).  If you don’t have your own household hypocrite, you can always use a shot glass.

6.  Shake and pour into a beautiful martini glass or jelly jar, whichever.

7. Garnish with a candy cane, peppermint patty, or thin mint.  Not having any of those left, I used a fig newton.

A classay drink! (not to be confused with a classy drink)

8. Take a deep breath…drink up!  CHEERS!

(Not bad, right?  In fact, I was shocked at how drinkable it was.  Of course, it smelled better than it tasted, but at a nickel per serving who cares?)

 

15 Comments Filed Under: Tips, Uncategorized Tagged With: ,

Tips for Tuesday! One classy Motha’s gift ideas!

December 18, 2012 Written by One Classy Motha

Friday’s tragic events have left me feeling a little bit unfunny and tremendously sad. Needless to say, I’m having trouble getting my humor on. But shopping always perks me up, so for today’s post I thought that I would do a crappy version of “Oprah’s Favorite Things”.

Here’s a list of some great gift ideas (according to me) which Oprah would never endorse, purchase, or use.

Vino2Go – For the person who has everything except a wine glass that doesn’t spill when they’re drunk. This is available through The Product Farm…but damn it, I went to order it and it’s sold out! Son of a bitch!!! I thought I’d tell you about it anyway so you can place your order for Valentine’s day. Though I’m sure some asshole is selling it on ebay right now for $99 if you want to head over there, place your bid, and come back. I’ll wait.

Spending the Holidays with People I Want to Punch in the Throat by Jen of the blog People I Want to Punch in the Throat.

Do you want to read a heartwarming book that fills your soul with all sorts of holiday fuzzies? Well, I can’t help you there. But if you want a great laugh with that “I’m going to hell” feeling then head over to amazon.com and buy this book! It’s also available on kindle.

Beardhead.com I love these hats!!! But not a damn person in my family will wear one, not even to make me a little bit happy. So can you buy one, take a pic of someone in your family wearing it, and send it to me? It’ll give me a laugh AND I’ll show it to my family as a way to say “why can’t you be more like them”.

The company makes several styles. They even make baby ones! LOVE!

Birdcage Umbrella – I cannot wait to get this! Do you know how many times I’ve walked into a pole while holding an umbrella (and without)? Lots. With this umbrella, I’ll not only be able to see where I’m going but I’ll also stay dry from that damn slanted rain. AND this is the umbrella made for the Queen of England. That’s classy enough for me. check it out here. P.S. They make them for kids too!

Wine Rack – Simply brilliant! This is a sports bra that has a bladder insider where you can keep your favorite beverage. The hose allows you to pour drinks or sip directly from it! And good news…they’re on sale right now! This would make a great gift for your flat chested BFF! Going up a boob size has never tasted so good! Get one here.

*I do need to point out that it looks like she had a boob job and the tube is a bloody drainage tube. Did I just kill the sale?

Pull My Finger Santa – Would it surprise you to know that we’ve had a PMF Santa for years? While other famlies kick off their Christmas with the lighting of the tree, ours begins with the pulling of the finger. FAAARRT “Ho Ho Ho, Now that’s a stocking stuffer!” It’s a cherished family tradition. You can start your own PMF Santa tradition buy purchasing one here.

XL Wine Glass – OMG! This wine glass holds a WHOLE BOTTLE OF WINE! A whole bottle! Do you know what this means? I can say “I only had one glass of wine last night” with a straight face. I have no more words. Get it here!

Squeezable Boob Creamer – C’mon, tell me you didn’t just spit out your coffee when you saw this! This would make a great gift for…um…um…someone in your mommy’s play group? The company suggests you buy two of them for a more realistic look. Get ’em here.

Time to pitch my own stuff…

Beaver Babies: A vagucational tool – Why explain the miracle of birth when you can simply toss this reversible vagina to your kids and walk away? Let Beaver Babies unravel the mystery for them.

Here’s what people are saying about Beaver Babies…

“Brilliant….but disturbing” Jamie Salvatori, owner of www.vat19.com

“That’s what happens when you cross my creativity with your father’s sick sense of humor” Linda, my mother

“What the hell have you done?!” Brian, my exasperated husband

“Where’s the other slipper?” Ana, age 3

This also makes a great gift for the mother-to-be. Each Beaver Baby can be either a girl or boy, and customized to match your skin tone and hair color (including pubic). Read more about Beaver Babies and enter a giveawayhere.

To place an order or to receive a free crappy tutorial, contact me at kim@oneclassymotha.com.

To Bliss and Back (Life Well Blogged) by Abbey Fatica & Monica Merrill-Mylet

I AM IN THIS BOOK! Isn’t that reason enough to rush out and buy it? no? ok, bitch. Then how about this:

To Bliss And Back explores the hilarity that we all experience when confronted with the ups and downs of relationships and marriage. Join the thousands of readers that enjoy these stories posted by the titans of the blogging industry on a daily basis. What could be better than a personal time-out to read and wrap yourself in laughter this season?

Buy one for you, your mother, your BFF, and the lady that waxes your hooha. You can read more about the book and purchase it here. Or do you want to win one?!!!!

GIVEAWAY – I’ll be giving away an ebook to a lucky lucky reader! All you have to do is leave a comment and you’ll be entered into a random drawing! The drawing will take place on Thursday, because I really don’t have any plans that day.

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In the meantime, if you find any “OMG! I sooo need to get this for someone”, leave a comment below with a link to the site so I can buy it or pimp it out on my pinterest board.

Now go out there and make me proud by buying some crazy shit!

;

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