We’re currently on Day 3 of our Disney vacation and my inner thigh chaffing is being kept under control thanks to a last minute purchase of Gold Bond Medicated Powder. Brian laughed when I bought it, but guess who’s begging to use it now. Thaaat’s right.
P.S. Burglars – Our house is not empty, but Mr. Bojangles would still enjoy some additional company.
aww, I think he like you!
Today’s tip is brought to you by the very clever, very awesome, and very funny (hysterical, really), Jenn from Something Clever 2.0. Her blog has always been one of my favorite reads because she’s not afraid to stir up a little trouble by saying exactly what we’re all thinking – like this post about Halloween, her ass gets all judgy on you…yes YOU! I suggest you read it and take her advice.
How to Cut Your Child’s Hair in Ten Easy Steps
So you’ve decided to cut your kid’s hair. I’ve been cutting my son’s hair for three years (since his first cut), and oftentimes, I’m asked how I do it. It’s very simple. However, if you’ve never cut hair before, stop right there. Cutting hair is tricky, and cutting a squirmy person’s hair is damn near impossible. Practice on yourself and your spouse for a minimum of ten years before you attempt this feat.
Step One: Put your child in a high chair. Bonus points if you have one with a five-point harness. Super bonus points if your kid is asleep and you have two friends to hold him down.
Step Two: Carefully wrap a towel around the- oh, who am I kidding, those tiny little itchy bits of hair are going to get all over the place, no matter what you do.
Step Three: Toys and snacks go a long way towards helping your kid sit still. Try to choose toys that you can rinse off, and snacks that aren’t too sticky. Don’t worry about your kid not ingesting enough hair, they totally will.
Step Four: Try to choose a style that doesn’t require a flat iron to maintain, because kids hate those things, for some reason.
Step Five: Cut the most important part first. If the shit hits the fan and you have to bail early, you don’t want a girl with shaggy bangs, or a boy with a wiffle, sideburns and a mullet.
Step Six: Kids do not understand complicated commands like “face forward” or “look down.” But they love riddles and puzzles! Have them move their head the way you want by telling them to “listen to your shoulder” or “try to lick your belly.”
Step Seven: Threats and intimidation go a long way towards keeping your kid from squirming. Before every approach with the scissors or buzzer, remind your child that if they move, they will get cut/look ugly (maximum fear-inducing threat is dependent on the gender of your child).
Step Eight: Get over your fear of blood and your unnatural attachment to your child’s ears. You will nick them at least once a year. Whatever, Band-Aids are way cheaper than a trip to Snip-its.
Step Nine: Make amends.
Step Ten: Tomorrow is crazy hat day! And the day after that, and the day after that, and oh screw it probably the next three or four weeks.
Jenn Rose is a staff writer at In The Powder Room, and stay-at-home mother to one boy in Massachusetts. When she’s not writing or parenting, she’s watching way too much TV and drinking a little too much wine (not chardonnay). She hopes to become a zombie when she dies.
Connect with Jenn on her blog Something Clever 2.0, on Facebook, and on Twitter.
