Today, I want to discuss something that no one wants to address…why my cat keeps peeing under the damn pool table- son of a bitch! Just kidding (though it does need to be addressed), I actually want to talk about “Tampon Maintenance”. I hope you weren’t eating just now.

As you may know, tampons have been linked to Toxic Shock Syndrome. While rare, the chances of developing TSS increases when using higher absorbancy tampons and when leaving them in for far too long. Now I don’t know about you, but I use the high absorbency ones because…well, because like the wrapper says, I’m “Super”…and sometimes I’m even “Super Plus”. So for me, remembering to change my tampons frequently is very, very important. Not to mention, no one wants a red stain as a reminder.

So now you’re probably thinking “Yeah, great point, Kim. How can I easily keep track of my tampon change? And I love what you’ve done with your hair!” Aww, thanks!

The first thing you need to do is to make some scientific calculations based on your flow rate, tampon absorbency, and menstrual duration ( F/A x M x .75= R), where R equals the replacement interval. Based on this formula, I determined that my tampon should be changed every 4 hours.

Here’s the problem…ask anyone who knows me, I’m late for everything except happy hour (I was even late for my own wedding. Brian, I said sorry like a billion times). So I’ve developed two “reminder” methods that can be used separately or together for maximum remindage.

Method #1 – Put it in your calendar and set the alarm to play the Jaws theme- it conjures images of blood (trust me, it’s motivating).

Unfortunately, I kept hitting the snooze button, so I had to develop a back-up method. But what?

As I was pulling out of my driveway one day, I saw the answer right in front of me, literally in front of me- the oil change sticker on my windshield. And method #2 was born…

Method #2– The TEA Bag Tag

The acronym TEA stands for Tampon Expiration Alert. This involves labeling all of your tampons with their change time. Each time you go to the bathroom, simply glance at the time on your TEA tag to determine if you need to change it out! Let me show you how to set this up.

1. You’ll need a tampon (duh), a sharpie (won’t smear), a stapler, and a small piece of paper.

2. Label a small rectangular piece of the paper with the tampon’s expiration time, then fold it horizontally.

3. Put the tampon string inside the crease and staple the paper to the string…like a tea bag!

4. Tuck the tag inside the tube so it doesn’t get hung up during insertion.

5. Replace back in it’s wrapper and voila!, you’ll always know the answer to the question “Shoot, when should I change my tampon?”

*If you’re keeping more than 1 tampon in your purse, I recommend writing the times on the wrappers so you’ll know in which order to use them.

*Paper may chafe.

*No fact checking was done in the development of this tip.

*Staples may snag pubic hair.