Today’s tip is “how to get rid of ants in your house”.
We,here at the One Classy household, have recently encountered a little ant problem. Being a natural problem solver (and by natural, I mean it comes easily, not chemical-free), I was confident that I could quickly and efficiently nip this in the bud.
However, I’m sorry to say, much like my failed Flatten your chicken breasts with your SUV tip, this has a somewhat unsatisfied ending.
Here’s my original tip:
Step 1. Buy some ant bait that promises to kill the Queen.
Step 2. Once she’s dead, usurp her throne as the new Queen.
Step 3. Finally, order your minions to work the fields on one of your nearby ant farms (which you can purchase from Amazon.com).
God only knows what they’ll harvest, but who cares, as long as they stay off your counter tops.
Sadly, my bait didn’t bring any “ants to the yard”.
Brian said we had “foodie” ants and that my cheapo bait was equivalent to a Denny’s at 3 am. To prove his point, he went to the hardware store and came back with some brand name ant mansions that boasted of “2 foods”. I guess some ants are picky?
Well guess what? Even with Raid’s buffet of “2 foods”, they still didn’t come!
I started to think that maybe these traps suffered from an image problem- you know, sterile domes of death aren’t exactly welcoming. It was clear to me that we needed to make them more appealing & “home-like” by providing some of the amenities that today’s ant are looking for.
I give to you…Antville Manor!
ANTVILLE MANOR: offering large lots, picket fences, community pool, and a state of the art workout facility (with a dedicated dirt lifting center). We currently have two models available, perhaps a third if these don’t sell.
As soon as my “OPEN HOUSE” sign went up, this happened…
So you see guys, this is all happening today and I won’t know for a few days if I’m their new queen or not. The anticipation is killing me…and hopefully them.
Hey, if you think I’d make a kind and honest Queen then click this banner please…I said CLICK THE DAMN BANNER!!!
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