Exhausted Mothers everywhere, here’s my answer to the horrible Bento Box Fad!

Well, it finally happened, the thing I’ve been dreading…yesterday, my precious daughter rolled off the school bus bitching and moaning about the lack of artistic effort that I’ve been putting into her packed lunches. My first thought, “Oh shit, has she been on Pinterest?” My second thought, “We need to update our parental controls to include Pinterest.”

But no, it seems that some better-than-me mother (who, I guarantee, does have a Pinterest account) has been sending her daughter to school everyday with a lunchbox full of “love” in the form of Disney inspired entrees and Chicka Chicka Boom Boom carrots. And Ana has taken notice. Thanks a lot, lady. Thanks. A. Lot.

According to my daughter, Wednesday’s lunchtime was spent watching little Hayden nibble on Elsa’s certified organic noodle braid, while Ana despondently ate from a zip-lock bag filled with pretzels and an enormous amount of apathy. Her tale of woe was really quite heartbreaking. So, like any guilt-ridden mother, I decided to give this stupid Bento Lunch thing a try.

I promised Ana an Olaf lunch, but when I read the first three ingredients: Japanese Nori noodles, purple seaweed, edible modeling clay, I was all, “Oh heeeellll no!” Packing a lunch should not require me to source food from various specialty shops and craft stores. I haven’t shaved in four days and THAT needs to happen before I start driving around town seeking out cuisine for my 5 year old to throw out.

How’s that Meat Loaf song go?

“I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that. Nooooo, I won’t. do. thaaaat.”

But I promised her an Olaf lunch, so it was on to Plan B. Unfortunately, I had no Plan B…at least not until I drank a couple glasses of 2009 Cabernet from the Napa region- that always loosens up my wheels.

And so, exhausted, not-so-perfect mothers everywhere, I’d like to present my “Damn you, Hayden’s mom!” answer to this crazy, expensive, and time consuming lunch fad:

 

The “I ain’t got time for that. Here’s some lunch money” Bento Box

Step 1: Get lunch money from your purse.

Step 2: Arrange money and tape down

Step 3: Use a Sharpie to draw the rest.

Olaf says…don’t “flake” on your test!

Tired of sculpting carrots and molding eggs into an edible Mona Lisa reproduction? The "I ain't got time for that. Here's some lunch money" Bento Box.  #AntiBentoBox

 

Screw making little broccoli trees with an “I love you!” tediously carved into their stalks with an X-Acto knife while freebasing your blood pressure pills and trying to remember your insurance provider’s Mental Health co-pay. No thank you. Besides, unlike a scene from The Lion King made out of graham crackers and Russian caviar, my “I ain’t got time for that. Here’s some lunch money” Bento Boxes provide the perfect canvas for real communication between you and your child:

 

Confronting potty issues:

Tired of sculpting carrots and molding eggs into an edible Mona Lisa reproduction? The "I ain't got time for that. Here's some lunch money" Bento Box.  #AntiBentoBox  www.OneClassyMotha.com

Offering friendship advice:

 

Tired of sculpting carrots and molding eggs into an edible Mona Lisa reproduction? The "I ain't got time for that. Here's some lunch money" Bento Box.  #AntiBentoBox- www.OneClassyMotha.com

 

Calling them out:

Tired of sculpting carrots and molding eggs into an edible Mona Lisa reproduction? The "I ain't got time for that. Here's some lunch money" Bento Box.  #AntiBentoBox - www.OneClassyMotha.com

 

I realize the “I ain’t got time for that. Here’s some lunch money” Bento Box still requires a minimum amount of effort on your part, which is something I’m normally against, but just think of the look on your child’s face when they open their lunch box and see something like this:

Tired of sculpting carrots and molding eggs into an edible Mona Lisa reproduction? The "I ain't got time for that. Here's some lunch money" Bento Box.  #AntiBentoBox - www.OneClassyMotha.com

Arachnophobia, cured. “Thanks, mom!”

Ladies, even if your child doesn’t buy lunch, I’m here on my linoleum floor, begging you to step away from the melon baller and to embrace the beautiful quadrilateral simplicity of a square cheese sandwich. After all, you don’t need to win the “MOM OF THE YEAR” title because, as far as your child is concerned, you already have it.

Please send me your “I ain’t got time for that. Here’s some lunch money” Bento Box pictures so I can pin them to my Pinterest “I ain’t got time for that. Here’s some lunch money” Bento Box idea board!

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Comments

  1. Kim, I am DYING over here!! I swear I laughed out loud throughout this entire post,and I’m not just saying that. I never use LOL unless I actually do LOL, dammit. Once again, my friend, you are a genius.
    Shay from Trashy Blog recently posted…Say Yes to the DressMy Profile

  2. I might sometimes wish I had known about blogging when my two boys were little (trust me the stories are all epic) but I’m eternally grateful I will never have to compete with a Pinterest Mom.
    Vanessa D. recently posted…Pets and Sketchy BalloonsMy Profile

  3. Hmmm.
    I’ve never lived in any school district ever (and I’ve lived in a few) and neither do any of my now gkids

    Not elementary or middle school that is

    Your all spoiled

    I went out of my way to find a house within a block of any school any of the kids went to

    I moved out of one city to another specifically because the three schools they were going to were all over three different districts… A complete and total headache for one in elementary one in middle and last one in high school

    I found a house and a town that accommodated my “must have” and stayed put till last one finished walking to school and walking home and even watched as they skulked by the house in high school to go to town with the rest of the lunch bunch teenagers. And put up with all the house full of teenage bus kids sitting in my living room eating their brown bags from home while watching soap operas with my kids…
    Kathy recently posted…The only #AngelHairPasta Avail in the #Calgary , I spent an hour…My Profile

  4. Too hilarious… but I’m afraid my craftiness skill level is not even up to your Bento Box standards. My philosophy… when my son starts eating better, I’ll start making better lunches.
    Robin recently posted…What my son does at recessMy Profile

  5. You are the bento master. I applaud you.
    Jenn @ Something Clever 2.0 recently posted…Is It OK to Interrupt Mom’s Shower? A Primer for ChildrenMy Profile

  6. I personally love the taste of apathy, as it reminds me of the casseroles of my childhood, but I love your clever bento boxes more. BRAVO!
    Amy Flory – Funny Is Family recently posted…Crock Pot Thursday: Easy Crock Pot ApplesauceMy Profile

  7. LOL, this was great. Now this makes sense to me. Damn you, Hayden’s mom, indeed.

  8. I have always been and will always be the PB&J, fish crackers, an apple, and a cookie mom. Plus my 6yo knows how to pack his own lunch so unless he wants to get up at 5:00 AM (HIM, not ME) and get all crafty, we’re sticking with the classic sack lunches around here. 😉
    Kelly O’Sullivan recently posted…Eat from the tree of knowledge, my sonMy Profile

  9. I am truley frightened when they day comes that my son is old enough for mW to have to compete with pinterest parents. I don’t even deal with my mothers own pinterest escapades…

  10. I for one just know that Hayden’s Mom nickname in high school was “Slutty Slutty Big Boobs” and she is now trying to redeem herself with these lunches to make herself feel better about herself.

  11. Mothers bad mouthing other mothers, sad.

  12. My kids will be getting bento boxes, not because mommy is waking up at 6 fucking AM, but because my SO is Asian (mostly vietnames with a ton of others on top) and packs real bento boxes. I on the other hand, am not waking up for that shit. Sorry fruit of my lady parts, mommy doesn’t do mornings.

  13. I almost shipped my pants when saw this post via in the powder room. Awesome!!! Way to go, Kim!
    Erin recently posted…State Fair vs. Home DepotMy Profile

  14. These are my kind of Bento lunches! My kids don’t get lunch money, they have a declining balance account. Normally I pack them leftovers and they are happy. They’ve never complained about the quality of their lunch, and I’m pretty sure they’re old enough to know that if they did, I’d say “pack it yourself, then!”
    Rabia @TheLiebers recently posted…Resolution Recap: Getting SMARTer after SeptemberMy Profile

  15. One Classy Motha! says:

    The way you ladies are supporting my laziness, well…it just warms my heart! Thank you;)

  16. I love it. I had heard about these mothers. I don’t know what they are thinking. I wish they could come clean my house with all the spare time they have.

  17. Stephany Castillo says:

    First, love this. I find myself trying to keep up with these women who are fortunate enough to work inside the home. It’s close to impossible to maintain crafting skills in a lunchbox on a daily basis. I applaud those who can do it. I however, fund a lunch account. Period.
    Second, as always, never fails, the troll had to come to the party with a big wet blanket. Thanks for the reminder of how annoying Facebitches are. Lighten up and take it for what it was meant to be….a funny, light-hearted reminder that we don’t HAVE to be perfect. This isn’t mom’s bashing moms, it’s mom’s celebrating each other, preferably with a big glass of wine. Cheers.

  18. Kim–over 5,000 FB shares…go YOU!! I knew this post would go viral the second I read it. Congrats!
    Shay from Trashy Blog recently posted…Trashy Shorts: Halloween CostumeMy Profile

  19. This is hilarious! I have 4 kids and I always pack their lunch. No matter how tempting it can be, I never tried to make those “beautiful” boxes which I think never actually stay that pretty after the running and throwing of bags. Do they? As long as the kids ate their food I’m happy.

  20. OMG, I can’t stop laughing, hhahahha

  21. Add this to my list of reasons to homeschool!

  22. really? seriously unimpressive and very lazy.

  23. This had me in tears laughing. I LOVE your sense of humor. It reminded me of a day when I was in a hurry and had forgotten to pack my kindergarten daughter’s lunch. She ended up with power bar and a diet coke. And guess what – she lived! :-) I can’t wait to read more posts!

  24. Angela B. from TN says:

    I almost spit out my coffee laughing this morning! You are my hero for speaking out. My kids are lucky that I even pack a lunch, let alone remember they need to eat more than once a day. I am NOT a morning person. Your bento boxes inspire me and my kids would be impressed with those. Thanks for making my day!

  25. Trina Lucas says:

    I LOVE THIS. At first reading ‘Bento’ I was like..whaaaaaaaaa????
    But my cousin/sister, Marcia sent this link to me so I knew it had to do with my whole sense of humor thing about parenting….YOU NAILED IT!

  26. Jen from Maryland says:

    My 7 year old makes her own lunch. My job is to be sure all the necessary and desired ingredients are on hand, but she gets right to work on it as soon as we finish dinner each night. I hated making lunches and then hearing ungrateful remarks ( when she was 5 and 6) so there you have it. Make your own or use YOUR own allowance money to buy lunch.

  27. haha!! this is AWESOME!

  28. My daughter is nearly 21 now. But in elementary school when she asked to pack her lunch instead of getting school lunches, I said okay but it will be peanut butter and jelly sandwiches everyday. “Everyday?” “Yes. Every.Day.” That ended that nonsense.

  29. OMG this is brilliant. LOOOOOVVVVEEE I almost “shipped” my pants laughing so hard

  30. You’re such a good mom! You actually make your kids lunch! Kinda hard to be a P-Mom (PTA or Pinterest?) when your kiddo actually PREFERS (shudder) cafeteria food. UGH! Thank you for the 1st coffee of the day laugh!

  31. Funny. But I hope that the mom didn’t really send her daughter cafeteria food money instead of a healthy homemade lunch? Because that is not funny, but kind of sad…

  32. Ok. Thankyewwwww….
    My 4 year old grandson is leaning against me with one eye on cartoons and the other on my computer screen (I am not being a lazy grandma….we are taking a break from making cities out of boxes and blocks and blankets and then turning into zombies and destroying said cities)….and sees the picture of Snowman on the bottom of the lunchbox,
    “How come you never make me that cool snack, grandma? I want a snowman tomorrow in my snack!! Please, pleeeeeeeeease!”
    Sighhhhhhhh……………………….

  33. from another person says:

    so instead of wasting time on the stupid bento boxes you spent it making a blog to complain how other moms try to make healthy lunches the kids will eat. even if it is dumb it’s got more purpose than blogging about your laziness

    • One Classy Motha! says:

      Its purpose was to give tired, guilt ridden mothers a much needed laugh. Besides, my children refuse to eat edible modeling clay, regardless of how many vitamins & minerals it contains.

  34. My long ago kindergartener son when half a year wanting only fruit loops in his lunch. Then we went through a jello cup phase. He also decided at 7 he was a vegitarian, because he hated the taste of meat. If I had a bento box I could have written “mom and dad love you even if you won’t eat real food” note.
    Meg Hammil recently posted…Rick Riordin’s Blood of Olympus:A Saga Ends TriumphantlyMy Profile

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