Cheapo Wino Review Wednesday!

Ahh, it feels so good to be back on the “Shh, everyone leave momma alone, she’s relaxing in bed with her glass of wine” train.

Today’s wine review is brought to you by the letter “B”. C’mon, you knew it was only a matter of time before I reviewed a wine called Fat Bastard. Honestly, aren’t you surprised it took this long?

Fat bastard Pinot Noir – $11.99

 

Wine Makers’s Tasting Notes: “Lively and elegant with ripe red fruits and a hint of floral notes. Soft, smooth tannins and rich flavors of strawberries and raspberries, finishing with cherry notes.”

 

Kim’s Tasting Notes: “Yooouuuu lying bastards!”

Smooth? This wine was so tangy (is that even a wine term?) that my salivary glands went into overdrive. The back of the bottle said it had a lot of “body”…yeah, because every sip is thickened by your own disgusting spit! So I guess, technically, there’s some truth in their advertising.

But I will say that this wine’s color was absolutely beautiful! It was a deep cherry red, like highest quality blood plasma available on the market today…if there is a market for blood plasma- I’m not sure, I’m not a doctor.

To sum it up, I really didn’t like it. But after repeated attempts and a self-motivational talk, I did manage to finish my glass. Though, I’m not sure how helpful that knowledge is, we both know I’d finish my glass even if it was filtered through my sports bra first…wasting wine is never an option.

So, if you like tangy, drinking your own saliva, and the color of fresh blood, definitely buy Fat Bastard Pinot Noir today! (I’m an awesome spokesperson, and available for your marketing projects)

Tips for Tuesday! Save money with tampons!

Today’s tip is simple, straightforward, and will save you a ton of money.

 

You know how you have to either wrap a gift or spend a mint on those stupid gift bags? Well, here’s a cheap and clever alternative to packaging anything in the 6 inch x 8 inch or less range..tampon boxes!

Really, think about all those empty tampon boxes you have just laying around, practically littering your floor.They’re perfect for gift giving!

Not only are they colorful, but they tell the recipient “Hey, I think you’re Super!” or even “Super Plus” (for us heavy flow gals). What an absolutely thoughtful message!

 

 

Want to make someone feel even more special? Let ’em know that they’re a true gem!

 

Sending someone a “Congratulations” gift, knowing that they’re positively beaming with good news?

 

You might think I’m joking, but honestly, I always recycle my Tampax Tampon boxes! When they’re not being used to deliver cherished gifts, I’m putting old shoe laces through the sides and transforming them into disposable lunch boxes for the kids.

Mmm, lunch!

*I don’t recommend sushi

If you can think of any other uses for my pile of tampon boxes, please let me know…or even empty wine bottles (Lord knows I have a ton of those.).

 

Top Mommy Blogs - Mom Blog Directory

Dirty Martinis, Puzzles, and a Giveaway!

As you may know, I’m on the low sugar/ no starch phase of my body cleanse, so I’m trying to get creative with my food and drink choices. This weekend, as an alternative to red wine, I tried a Dirty Martini…

and…

I didn’t like it.

 

Man, I was totally bummed out! I’d been planning for months, the number of provocative ways I could possibly order dirty martinis. So far I had, “I’ve been a bad bad girl”, “Give it to me dirty”, “Spank me, cause I’m about to ask for it dirty”, etc. But noooo, I order my first dirty martini and follow it with “Yuk, can I have a club soda to clean out my mouth?”

Ok, so that made me sad, but you know what makes me happy? Puzzles & Giveaways!!!!

What am I giving away? Oh no, it’s not that easy beotches! You’ll have to solve the puzzle to find out…(or for lazy asses, just read below)

[embedit snippet=”sliding-puzzle-beaver-baby”]

For a chance to win, all you have to do is complete the One Classy Motha crossword puzzle below! I figured, if I’m giving you my “baby”, you should at least know some shit about me.

If you don’t know an answer, just fill in the little search box, on my left sidebar, with some keywords and voila! Once you’ve solved it, the puzzle will give you an option to share your completion via email (sharelink) or just shoot me the 8 answers at kim@oneclassymotha.com and you’ll be entered for the drawing! Winners will be announced on Thursday!

*And I’m guessing your chances are good because some peeps will be like “WTF, Kim? I don’t have time for puzzles.” Your welcome.

[embedit snippet=”crossword4″]

Good Luck, you kooky kids!

P.S. – The winner will receive a customized Beaver Baby (so be prepared to share your baby gender, hair color, and va-jay-jay pubic hair choice).

Guess what I did Monday night?!!

So here’s something exciting that happened to me Monday night…I was on Huffington Post Live!  How you ask? Well…

My friend Blair, over at STFU,Parents blog, has just released her awesome new book (WOOHOO! BLAIR!) and was scheduled to give an interview on Huff Post Live with host Nancy Redd.  Nancy asked her if she knew of any fun mom bloggers that might want to join in for a discussion on parental over-sharing & social media, and she gave them MY NAME!  My name, people!  Oh, and some other chick…what was her name again…oh yeah, only freaking HUGE mega blogger Jessica Wilzig Gottlieb!  Are you getting all this?

I was so excited and nervous that I almost vomited my breakfast burrito, but after 3 weeks of body cleansing I was determined to hold that bitch down.

As a webcam virgin, I read everything I could prior to Monday night.  This was the advice I found:

1.  Find a quiet place – Hahahaha!  Digging a hole in my neighbor’s yard was my first choice.  As that was impractical (wifi coverage was spotty), I settled on the basement.

2.  Make certain you have a flattering / pleasant background. I took one look at my pukey gold colored walls and knew that it would wash me out.  So I did what any rational person would do, I ran to the hardware store and selected a new paint color based on the color of my eyes.  Then I went home and painted the wall where I would be sitting.  No, not the entire wall…only where I would be sitting.

3.  Lighting is important.  I stole every lamp we owned and surrounded myself with them.  Sure, the kids had to cry themselves to sleep in the dark, but I explained that it was for a good cause.  They didn’t seem to care- they’re just so selfish.

4. Dress casual, yet professional:  But when I spoke with Blair, she said that this was a very relaxed atmosphere  and that I should wear whatever I normally wear around the house.  So I sent her this pic…

She replied that it was “fine”

 

The time had come!  At 8:45pm, kids in bed, dog far away, husband on deck smoking a cigar, I logged on and connected with the Huffington Post Live!  Then my worst social anxiety nightmare happened, the producer said, “You’re the first one here.  I can’t seem to reach the other two, and we have to go live a little early.  So it’ll probably be just you and Nancy talking until they show up.”   WHAT?!!!  NO NO NO NO NO!  It was like my ‘naked in school’ dream x 100.  But a minute later, their beautiful faces appeared…and the angels sang.

It was soooo much fun, not as scary as I thought, and I honestly didn’t want it to end!

I want to send a HUGE “thank you” out to Blair!  Go buy her hysterical book, guys- you’ll love it!  And another ‘thank you” to Nancy for making me so comfortable and Jessica for being such a blast!  Blair, Jessica, Nancy…you were my “first” and I’ll never forget you!

Here’s a link to the interview.  Keep your comments about my facial expressions to yourself. thank you in advance.

[embedit snippet=”huffington-post-live”]

 

Follow

Get every new post on this blog delivered to your Inbox.

Join other followers: