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Cheapo Wino…Thursday! Oyster Bay Pinot Noir

2011 Oyster Bay Pinot Noir $12.99

 

Winemaker’s Notes: Oyster Bay Marlborough Pinot Noir is elegant cool climate pinot noir at its best. Fragrant, soft and flavourful with aromas of ripe cherries and sweet fruit tannins that provide structure and length.

 

Kim’s Notes: I’m going to make this one relatively short. Ana has her first day of preschool tomorrow and, seeing as day drinking is frowned upon, I want to quickly settle down tonight, in my bed, with a martini to celebrate in anticipation. And being that we just got back from “Meet the Teacher” night, I’m inspired to present my review in bad Dr. Seuss style. Enjoy.

 

Oyster Bay

I do not like Oyster Bay

I would not drink it any day

I do not like it

not one little bit

I do not like it

I wanted to spit

Would you drink it in a glass?

I would not drink it in a glass

I would not drink it, it tastes like ass

I do not like this Oyster Bay

I do not like it any way.

Would you drink it in a bar?

Would you drink it in a car?

I would not drink it in a bar

I would not drink it in a car

I would not drink it in a glass

I would not drink it, it tastes like ass

I do not like Oyster Bay

I do not like it any way.

Would you drink it in a park?

Would you drink it after dark?

Not in a park

Not after dark

Not in a car

Not in a bar

I would not drink it in a glass

I would not drink it, it tastes like ass

I do not like Oyster bay

I do not like it any way

Would you, could you

if your day was bad?

I would not, could not

if my day was bad!

Would you, could you

if it’s all you had?

WTF do you mean, if it’s all I had?

I’ll tell you what…

 

I would so, could so

crush your spine

If you did so, done so

drank all my good wine!

 

 

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Cheapo Wino Review Wednesday!

Ahh, it feels so good to be back on the “Shh, everyone leave momma alone, she’s relaxing in bed with her glass of wine” train.

Today’s wine review is brought to you by the letter “B”. C’mon, you knew it was only a matter of time before I reviewed a wine called Fat Bastard. Honestly, aren’t you surprised it took this long?

Fat bastard Pinot Noir – $11.99

 

Wine Makers’s Tasting Notes: “Lively and elegant with ripe red fruits and a hint of floral notes. Soft, smooth tannins and rich flavors of strawberries and raspberries, finishing with cherry notes.”

 

Kim’s Tasting Notes: “Yooouuuu lying bastards!”

Smooth? This wine was so tangy (is that even a wine term?) that my salivary glands went into overdrive. The back of the bottle said it had a lot of “body”…yeah, because every sip is thickened by your own disgusting spit! So I guess, technically, there’s some truth in their advertising.

But I will say that this wine’s color was absolutely beautiful! It was a deep cherry red, like highest quality blood plasma available on the market today…if there is a market for blood plasma- I’m not sure, I’m not a doctor.

To sum it up, I really didn’t like it. But after repeated attempts and a self-motivational talk, I did manage to finish my glass. Though, I’m not sure how helpful that knowledge is, we both know I’d finish my glass even if it was filtered through my sports bra first…wasting wine is never an option.

So, if you like tangy, drinking your own saliva, and the color of fresh blood, definitely buy Fat Bastard Pinot Noir today! (I’m an awesome spokesperson, and available for your marketing projects)

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