“I can do this, I can do this, I can do this” has been my mantra for the last 16 days, 8 hours, and 27 minutes. That’s right folks, I’m still cleansing my chemical riddled body and I haven’t had a drop of alcohol since I started…pay up bitches! The key is to have a husband that can’t wait to mock you for cracking- he’s good to me like that.

Anyway, I only have 3 more days to go…on Phase 1. That’s right, I said “Phase 1”. You’re probably all like “WTF?!”. Yup, I have a Phase 2…no sugar or starch for 3 weeks. But let’s cross that bridge when we come to it. *don’t worry, I will be drinking wine.

Anywho, my loss is your gain. Today, I have another awesome guest post, this time by another one of my very favorite bloggy friends, Dani Ryan from Cloudy, With a Chance of Wine ! Dani almost kills me with her posts…really, I sometimes choke on my cleansing lemon water from laughing so hard. It’s just that she has an uncanny ability to see the humor in the everydayness of being a mother, a wife, and a friend and she writes it in such a way that you can’t help but to go “Baahahahah!” Her posts make me happy! If you haven’t been to her site, you need to head over after reading this!

 

 

For those of you who don’t know me, I love few things more than a nice, cold glass of white.

And I should’ve named my blog Cloudy, With a Lot of Wine.

The trouble is, I’m a bit of a wine snob, and prefer vintages in the over $20 range.

But it’s not my fault.

I blame my in-laws.

I was perfectly happy drinking $5 boxed wine before they bought a home in wine country and started free-pouring expensive, oaky chardonnays and full-bodied cabernets down my throat.

OMG, I love those people . . .

So when Kim asked me to help with her Cheapo Wino Wednesday review, I was a little nervous.

Does she know how hard it is for me to handle Dora The Explorer’s voice when I have a wine headache?

But with Kim not drinking, I knew I had to take one for the team, so I threw my 2-year-old into her car seat and headed over to the liquor store.

As I was perusing the aisles for something under $15 that didn’t look like it would burn my esophagus, I noticed a familiar bottle staring at me:

Upon closer inspection, I realized this had been my “go to” wine in my 20s when I wanted to impress someone (new boyfriend, boss, university prof – you get the idea), and since it was within my allotted price range, I knew I had to try it again.

After reading the winemakers notes, I thought I had made a good decision:

–Internationally recognized as one of the best value-for-money wines available throughout the world –Renowned for consistency and quality –Combines easily with food, family, and friends

Of course, this last part is a moot point for me since I don’t like to mix my wine with friends (too chatty) and food (kills my buzz).

But I still had high hopes.

So once The Kid was in bed and The Hubs and I were comfortably sitting on the couch watching Downton Abbey (yes, we finally got sucked in), I started drinking.

Things got off to a good start, and I was beginning to think I would have enough commentary to write The Top 10 Reasons Bin 65 is My New Drug of Choice:

1. It has a screw top, so I didn’t have to waste any of my precious drinking time farting around with a corkscrew.

2. It’s very oaky.

3. It’s not too sweet or fruity, so my taste buds didn’t scream “WINE HANGOVER!” with each sip.

4. After 5 sips, I still didn’t have the overwhelming urge to pop an antacid.

5. At half the price I usually pay for wine, I realized I’d have much more disposable income to spend on important things. Like shoes.

As I was day-dreaming about Jimmy Choo, I poured myself another glass.

And then it happened.

I started feeling that familiar stinging in the back of my throat, my stomach started burning, and I felt myself starting to dehydrate.

So I did what any normal person would do.

I poured that glass down the drain and reached for the good stuff:

Oh well. I never have occasion to wear Jimmy Choo shoes anyway . . .