Free Advice Friday – Wine & Whine

Dear Kim,

I’m writing to you because I know that you are a wine lover. My husband and I are having a very special couple over for dinner next week. They said they like Cabernet (like you), but since we don’t drink wine we weren’t sure if we should serve a Cabernet from the Sonoma or Napa region. What do you think?

Penny in Foryourthoughts, ND

Dear Penny,

Let me answer your question with a little story.

When I was 14, I went to my local pet shop to purchase 2 mice. The shop owner, who reeked of Bourbon and Tab, insisted on picking them out for me. He stared at their bits for several minutes and proclaimed them both boys, so I named them Sparky and Morris. Over the next few weeks Morris got fatter and meaner. It wasn’t until we saw Morris bitch slap Sparky and shriek “Don’t touch me, you asshole!” that my mother recognized the symptoms of pregnancy.

I’m embarrassed to say this, but I returned Morris (renamed Judy) to the pet shop like some wayward teen from the 1950’s. I thought for certain Sparky would become despondent and depressed, but instead he seemed relieved that I had dealt with his “little problem”. I could actually see the stress leave his tiny rodent shoulders. Silly mouse.

Penny, I think you know where I’m going with this…get your guests drunk enough and, like the pet shop owner with mouse genitalia, they won’t know the difference.

And stay away from French wines, you won’t know how to pronounce them and you’ll just look stupid.

Your welcome,

Kim

Dear Kim,

Like you, I’ve been a stay at home mom for 9 years now. My question is- how do I keep from losing myself, the person I was before I had children?

Margaret in Kidtopia, KS

Dear Margaret,

Oh Margaret, Margaret, foolish Margaret- you can’t. I’m so lost that I had a vanity plate made for my minivan that reads “WEAR M I”.

Back in the 90’s I did a stint as a Life coach at S.O.S. Counseling (Stop Officially Sucking). I was a young, single professional that had a naive view of life. The Motto on my business cards read “There’s Always a Way”. Years, marriage, and two children later, I realize my business cards should have said “There’s Always Xanax and Tequila Chasers”.

Somehow my life had changed…

My “excuse me, I have to use the restroom” became “I gotta go potty”. My “Screw you!” became “That wasn’t a good choice”. My purse became a suitcase without wheels, holding everything from tampons to harmonicas (in my purse now. i swear). And my boobs went from perky to a place capable of holding promotional pharmaceutical pens and washable markers.

Here’s my advice Margaret, embrace it. Embrace it and cry until the tears dry up.

If you’re really desperate, you could try taking an invigorating pole dancing class. It will give you those familiar inner thigh bruises and knee burns reminiscent of your wild college days. But when you get home you’ll still have to throw your stilettos in the closet and clean up the baby shit. Is it really worth your Better Homes & Garden reading time?

There’s always retirement,

Kim

I may be a bad mom.

Ana was being extremely rude (aka- bitchy) to me on Sunday, so I spent most of the afternoon exacting my revenge in passive-aggressive, psychologically non-damaging ways.

I began with the immature and old fashioned “I squish your head” technique. She must have known I was up to something because she wouldn’t hold still, so I waited until she was trapped in her car seat.

Notice, still no manicure.

Hahaha, a prisoner of vehicle safety!

After dinner, she asked to have a Kit Kat for dessert. And I lied. I said we didn’t have anymore, then I greedily ate the last one in the bathroom. That’s right, I. ATE. IT. and it was goooood! (And don’t go feeling sorry for her, she still got her chocolate fix)

Then she made the tragic Frat Party mistake of passing out early on the couch.

Bonjour Monsieur, you look pooped. Viva la nap!

Now here’s the part where I felt rotten…when I picked her up, she was burning with a fever. Poor thing was miserable because she was sick!

I wiped off her stylish mustache (Crayola washable marker) and took her temperature, 102 degrees! I’m going to hell.

I have since made it up to her.

Over these past two days her and I have been inseparable, laying on couches, beds, floors, etc. I took her to the doctor’s and they said it’s just a virus that needs to run its course, thank goodness.

Brian has accused me of actually enjoying this illness, and truth be told, I kinda am. Of course I don’t like my baby feeling ill, she’s sad and pathetic looking, but I welcome an excuse that allows us to slow down our pace and cuddle all day. Not to mention her excess body heat acts as a natural furnace for me on these cold rainy days. Ok, that was completely selfish…

While I hope she feels better soon, I’m going to miss the constant cuddles. Does that make me a bad mom?

My Saturday – Lost (in corn hell)

Day 1– A corn maze sounded innocent enough. “Good, wholesome family fun” they said. “Should take you 15 minutes” they said. Lies, bullshit, and lies. So far we’ve been trudging in here for hours.

Day 2– We lost Brian about 5 miles back. The kids and I suspect he was just hanging back to scare us because he said something about a horror film then disappeared. But we’ve made so many turns I don’t see how he could have kept up with us. Now the kids are pissing their pants every time the wind blows. Thanks Brian. Thanks.

Day 3– It’s important that we keep moving. Collin had a mini break down today, crying because he misses his father. I begged him to keep it together by yelling, “He’s gone, gone, I tell you! And we can’t afford to waste time crying about it. I’m the head of this household now, and I will get us out of here, damn it!”

Pull it together, man!

Besides, doesn’t he realize his father was just bringing morale down with his “I told you we shouldn’t have done this” and “there’s probably an ax murderer in here” attitude. Good riddance Mr. Dead Weight.

Day 4– If I hear “This looks familiar” one more time I swear to god I’m going to go bat shit crazy! Of course it looks familiar, it’s all corn corn corn!!!!

Day 5– Up until now I’ve been leading our little troop by using my gut instincts, and it’s apparent to everyone that my instincts suck. Most of my time today will be spent questioning all my life decisions that have led me to this moment.

It took me 5 days to admit that Cornfield angels weren’t guiding me out of here, I now know we need a system. It was my idea that we start marking our trail by spelling out ‘Screw you Schmidt’s Farm’ with corn ears every 30 feet, but the kids thought it would take too long so we switched it up. Now we’re making corn silk hands giving the middle finger. The finger points the way.

FYI- turns out the kids were right about it looking familiar, we just stumbled on some middle fingers. We’ve been going in circles. They made me apologize.

Day 6– I don’t know how much longer we can survive, we’ve eaten all the crackers and mints found at the bottom of my purse and we’re down to the last water bottle. I’ve been reflecting on every wilderness movie I’ve ever seen, hoping to remember some survival techniques. Unfortunately, the only movie I can recall in any detail is “Alive”.

Two things are for sure: 1. I refuse to eat my kids no matter how hungry I get…they’re full of preservatives and red dye #4, and 2. We’ll all be forced to drink our own urine soon. I plan on paying Collin $5 to go first so I can see if I’d rather die of dehydration.

Day 7– I tripped over a skeleton today. My guess is, because she’s alone, she ate her children but drew the line at drinking her own urine. What a horrible decision, everyone knows you can go longer without food than water. …or maybe her kids ate her…crap.

Note: I’m assuming it’s a “she” because I’m starting to buy into the whole stereotype that woman are bad with directions.

Day 8– Mr. Johnny Come Lately found us. He claims he’s been out of the maze 3 times looking for us. I can’t help but to think he’s telling the truth because his red solo cup is full of fresh Chardonnay*. Bastard!

*Did I mention it’s at a vineyard? Why the hell else would I go???

Day 9– Is it wrong to hope that our new leader gets us lost too- at least for a little while? I don’t want the kids to have a story that starts with “Remember the time mom led us into the cornfields to die, but dad saved us?”

Day 10– Well, Mr.Perfect did it. La.Dee.Friggin.Da.

“Our Hero!” the kids cheered. I should have eaten them all with a side of fermented corn.

Time Key: 1 Day = 5 minutes.

An excerpt from my unwritten and unpublished book “Thanks But No Thanks – Things I should be grateful for but, damn it, I’m not”

I do want to go, I just don’t want to go with him…with them.

He parks the car next to the entrance, and for a moment my thoughts are lost in the familiar, soothing rhythm of the automatic doors- open, close, open, close, open, close. I want to say “take me home”, but it’s the promise of what I might find behind those doors that keeps me quiet. My hands begin to shake and my heart starts racing. And just like that, I am powerless to leave.

I look at my husband and nod. It’s a nod that says “yes, I want this and we will enjoy it together”. And with that, he smiles and we all get out of the car in slow unison. Hand in hand and void of ceremony, the whole family enters my private sanctuary, a sanctuary that has now been horribly violated by their presence. And somewhere in my soul a voice is screaming,

“This is my heaven! You should not be here…this is MY MARSHALLS!”

I now realize this trip was a mistake. There’s no joy in lazily shopping for fabulous bargains with your husband and children. None at all. I must find a way to shop undercover to avoid hearing Collin and Brian bitch about how long I’m taking, or schlepping Ana to the bathroom 5 times.

As soon as we cross the threshold I thankfully realize my subconscious has a plan B. Damn right subconscious! You rock!

As if directed by angels, I quickly point to the left and shout “Look! Cowboy Cheerleaders are giving away Barbie dolls and Xbox games!” And I go right.

I devise Operation Labia, called so because the term is both feminine and covers a place equally valuable to me.

Without a doubt, the first area I must visit is the Home Goods section. There are very few hiding places here because the aisle are streamlined and all the furniture lies in the center. And not unlike the Cornucopia in The Hunger Games, once they realize I lied to them, this is where they will go to seek out and then kill my joy.

As I’m looking at mirrors for our dining room, I suddenly see 50 reflections of Brian sitting in armchair that’s on clearance. It’s a startling sight, and thankfully he doesn’t see me. He’s too busy acting like The Godfather, barking orders and sending the children out on short missions to search for me.

I duck and watch the scene unfold from the safety of the bath towels. While Brian is a brilliant strategist, I believe he’s foolishly putting too much faith in Ana’s ability to stay on task, as witnessed by her unsupervised handling of China plates and licking of coffee mugs. This is his problem, I remind myself.

I quickly move on, knowing I must stay one step ahead of them. And so I make a mad dash for the shoes. Suddenly I hear Collin’s voice yelling,” I see her! I see her!”

I switch gears and loop around down the toy aisle. I begin knocking Dora dolls and Star Wars Legos off the shelves in my wake. Ha ha ha! You’ll loose your little minions here, Brian!

Once back at the shoes, I take my time knowing the children will not and can not be persuaded to leave the toy section. It is here, among the discounted Uggs, BOC, Bandolino, and Michael Kors shoes that I feel most at peace.

I’m meditating among the seasonal boots when I hear them coming. As I peek up from zipping a Bare Trap faux fur suede boot (with cool buckles on the side), I see them heading my way in a reverse triangular formation. Brian is in the back sending the kids (who are clutching toys. A bribe tactic no doubt) down various aisles. I hear shouts of “nope” “all clear” and “no, Pooperbutt”. I start to wonder if Brian has military training.

They are getting closer.

With one boot on and the other tucked under my arm, I begin a modified army crawl towards the Ladie’s Knits.

Arriving at my destination, I insert myself into the clothes rack and begin shopping from inside. I can’t help but to feel safe and happy as I am nestled by soft sweaters, and my cheeks tickled by their discounted sale tags. I know it’s time to leave when I hear myself humming “I’m a Little Tea Pot”. I fear I’m cracking.

I grab 3 sweaters and drape them over my head to use as camouflage on the way to the dressing room.

Tucked in the back dressing room, I begin to try on sweater #1. It’s not really my color but the shape looks like it will be super flattering. I have it poised over my head when, in an eerie sing song voice, I hear “mommmeyyy, oh mommmeyyy”. Shit!

I quickly jump onto that tiny stool that all dressing rooms have. Yes, I’m convinced that this is the stool’s real purpose and I send the designer a telepathic “thank you”.

I hear her coming down the dressing room corridor and I can feel her looking under the doors for the familiar cracked heels and deformed baby toes of her mother. But I remain perched on the stool, grateful for all of the squat exercises I’ve been doing lately. My quads are burning but they are strong.

I hold very still as I hear her approaching. In the mirror’s reflection I can see her hair dragging on the floor as she peers underneath my door. I don’t move.

“Oooh, Pooper Stinkybutt”

When I don’t respond to the crude nickname she has given me, she gets up and moves on to the next door. I have escaped detection! I am dizzy from the adrenaline and my own cleverness. And then…a lone Lego piece tumbles from my purse, as if in slow motion it bounces, once…twice…three times, then settles at her feet. I hold my breath…

Sorry, you’ll have to buy the book to see how it ends.

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