پاکستان میں Mostbet com ویب سائٹ ملاحظہ کریں، اور آپ یقینی طور پر کھیلوں پر شرط لگانے یا آن لائن کیسینو میں کھیلنے کے لیے یہاں واپس آنا چاہیں گے۔ کھیلوں کے شائقین کو ایونٹس کے ایک بڑے انتخاب، مختلف پروموشنز اور بونسز، مفت بیٹس، مفت گھماؤ اور زیادہ مشکلات تک رسائی حاصل ہے۔ اور کھیل کو مزید آسان بنانے کے لیے، ہم نے ایک موبائل ایپلیکیشن تیار کی ہے جسے آپ آسانی سے اپنے فون پر انسٹال کر سکتے ہیں۔

Free Advice Friday! Sorry, Pam.

*no leopards were harmed in the making of this review. But I did receive free shoes. 

Remember this question?

Dear Kim,

I was thinking about getting a part time job, something that I can do for extra money but still be here when my kids get home from school. Any advice or ideas?

Thanks,

Pam in Brokeville, OH

If so, then you know I gave Pam some pret-ty bad advice. I know, I know…big surprise. I encouraged her to get a job picking lice off the infested heads of strangers, told her to pair all of her outfits with animal print shoes, then I sent her a pair of ballerina flats in salmon (the fish, not the color) instructing her to wear them to her next interview.  I’m told the interview was a bust.  But I still stand by the virtues of animal print shoes…especially chameleon.

Well, shortly after publishing that letter, Fibi & Clo (an online boutique & direct sales company) sent me the most gorgeous pair of Leopard print ballerina shoes ever!

Here they are:

and here they are with bunions:

Aren’t they adorable?! They’re luxurious, classy AND super comfy!

*I’d like to stop right here and take a moment to point out how bony and malnourished my feet appear in this photo.  But before you start worrying about me, let me reassure you that I’m eating a diet exceedingly rich in trans fats, carbs, and red dye #3- everything from the ankle up is nice & plump…and red.

You probably can’t tell by looking at the photo but they’re made with beautiful, soft mohair; it looks like real leopard fur!

*Confession: Sometimes, when I’m feeling anxious or sad, I sit criss-cross applesauce and stroke both shoes until the dark cloud passes- like pet therapy but without the animal poop.

So……

Dear Pam,

If you’re still reading my blog (highly unlikely), I’d like to amend my advice….

If you want a great, flexible part-time job, you should throw away your lice comb and check out Fibi & Clo.  They combine some of my most  favoritist (I will not let you change that, auto-correct) things: beautiful shoes, hanging out with girlfriends, & making money!  Oh, and they have jewelry too!

At a minimum, ditch the salmon shoes and buy a better looking (and smelling) pair here!

Love,

Kim

PS- Please come back to me, Pam.

If you’re starting to work on your holiday list, don’t forget to check out my sponsor GiftsForYouNow.com!  They have a ton of personalized gifts, many under $25- perfect for your kid’s teacher, the bus driver, or the lady that waxes your hoo-ha.

Tips for Tuesday! Photograph Tips, evoking real emotions.

So you may have noticed that I didn’t post a Weekend in Crappy Pics yesterday (let’s pretend you care), that was either because:

A. Something secretive happened over the weekend and I can’t talk about it

or

B. Nothing happened over the weekend and I literally have nothing to talk about.

 

You decide.

 

Anyway, I’m working on a super duper writey thingy this week which has taken all of my free time (9:00 pm-9:30 pm)…and my brain cells, so today I give you a repost. BUT I can almost guarantee that most of you haven’t read it. What’s that called, “New to You”?

Besides, with the holidays approaching, I thought you could use some photography tips. Enjoy!

 

___________________________________________________

 

 

I’ve received several comments and questions regarding my pictures. Many readers want to know how I manage to capture the perfect expression in each of my photos. So today, I’m going to share my secret with you.

The trick is to know your subject on a deep psychological level. Know what motivates them and what saddens them.  Know their hopes, their dreams, their fears. Basically psychoanalyze them for vulnerabilities. If they’re not family or close friends you’ll either need to stalk them or have them fill out a questionnaire prior to photographing.

The good news is, it’s pretty easy to get someone to smile….

“Hold that up and we’ll buy a puppy!”

But you have to choose the perfect statement to capture the subtle nuances of almost any other emotion…

Depression

“That wasn’t good enough. No puppy for you.”

Despair

“Santa is dead.”

Crushing Guilt

“Santa’s autopsy came back. Turns out the stress of your toy demands killed him.”

Processing Disgust

“Your sister just sneezed on that.”

This technique works on animals too.

WTF?

“The vet called. She said you’ll die if you keep eating cat shit.”

This look was accomplished by standing in the corner and loudly yelling at the photographer to “hurry up! We have an appointment to get his testicles cut off after this”.

That was actually true. But we sang “Jingle Balls” on the ride over to lighten the mood.

My suggestion, is that you create a bank of go-to phrases capable of evoking every emotion. Also, get a second job because your children’s therapy sessions may prove to be expensive. But hey- great pics are priceless!

 

 

After reading this, I strongly suggest you head over to my sponsor,  The Shitastrophy, she’s offering a free After-Halloween Candy-Holic evaluation & intervention (which may or may not be her stealing your candy). 

How to Protect Your Candy: An after Halloween special edition.

“Protect my candy? Why? My kids collected tons of it!”

My Dear Reader,

Yes, you’ve trained your little Hunter/Gatherers well. You dressed them sweetly, taught them how to say “trick or treat” with an adorable little lisp, and had them memorize your top 5 favorite candy bars in alphabetical order because you’ll be damned if they come home with crappy Dum Dums again. So sure, you might be rolling in the Snickers now, but it won’t always be that way.

Candy gets eaten.

As the household’s candy resources begin to deplete, you’ll notice disturbing behaviors among certain family members, behaviors like: hording, bartering, extortion, and full-out raids carried out under the cover of darkness. And I’m not referring to the kids’ behavior. Look in the mirror, my friend.

In order to avoid all this ugliness, you need to be proactive by creating a secret stash. Don’t worry, I’m here to help!

The first thing you need to do is to separate the candy into two piles, candy you love and candy you hate.

Taffy? ugh. That should come with a coupon for a root canal.

Next, focus on hiding the candy you love. I like to choose my candy hiding spots by taking cues from drug trafficking movies. However, I don’t recommend shoving anything up your hooha- I did that once with Whoppers, the box ripped and I developed an epic yeast infection.

Some hiding locations I have successfully used are:

– Inside metal curtain rods

– Books that I’ve hollowed out (preferably ones that you’d never read. I use cookbooks)

– Tampon boxes (what sicko is looking in there for candy? Well, besides you.)

Damn right, Kit Kats are SUPER!

– under toilet tank covers

*A great hiding spot for almost anything…except kittens. don’t ask.

Now that your favorite candy is safe, you need to create an explanation regarding its disappearance.

The way you go about this is very specific to your family’s situation. Here are a couple options I’ve used over the years:

Does your child have allergies?

Collin is allergic to walnuts. They cause his lips to swell, his throat to itch, and his eyes to water. Needless to say he avoids them at all cost. So I tell him that I was forced to throw out all the candy that said “contains walnuts” or “may have trace amounts of walnuts” or “produced in a factory that uses walnuts”. Then I add “Sorry” (sad face). Consequently, he’s developed a paranoia about the candy industry trying to kill him.

 

Do you own a dog?

Mr. Bojangles is my fall guy. And it’s a role he’s comfortable playing as long as I slip him a Pop Tart for his troubles.

To pull this off, you need to spread your “hate pile” of candy on the floor, scatter some wrappers around, and place your dog in the center. Quickly (before your pet actually eats the candy) snap a picture of your “bad doggie” in a compromising position. Make certain that the picture is blurry- you want your children to believe you were rushing in to save their candy. tip: Remember to save this year’s empty candy wrappers for next year’s staging.

*if you don’t have a dog, you can use a fat cat. But never use a bunny or a goldfish, that’s just insulting your kid’s intelligence. Isn’t it bad enough that you’re lying?

 

It was poisoned!

Tell them, that during a routine candy inspection, you had reason to suspect a majority of the candy was tampered with. For their safety, you were forced to throw it out. Then launch into a 15 minute talk on Stranger Danger while enrolling them in a Safety Awareness course at the local community center, then eat your candy while they’re taking said course. I call that a win-win!

 

That’s all I got, guys. But if you have any other ideas, please share them in the comments section below. You can send your kids to only so many Stranger Danger classes before they either lose all faith in humanity or smell a rat.

 

 

It’s time to start holiday shopping! Check out my sponsor GiftsForYouNow.com. They have like a bazillion personalized gifts to choose from AND they’re having a store wide Anniversary Sale!

Tips for Tuesday: How to renovate your laundry room all by yourself!

 

 

That’s right, I said “all by yourself”, because who wants to hear “How much is this going to cost us?”, “Seriously? C’mon, football is on.”, and my personal favorite…

“What’s wrong with our laundry room?”

No, Brian. What’s right with our laundry room? The shelving has collapsed, the wallpaper is a threat to anyone who suffers from seizures, and the floor & sink are stained beyond the powers of bleach.

This called for a major overhaul.

*The photo above was our actual laundry room, designed by the previous owners and filled with crap by us.

 

Step 1 – Empty the room

The first thing you need to do is empty the whole laundry room (except the washer & dryer) and arrange everything into a huge pile in your garage. This pile will hide all of your purchases until it’s time to renovate (Brian gets twitchy if he sees the tangible evidence of money spent).

I hid a new utility sink, complete with espresso cabinet, in our garage for two weeks. He walked around it everyday, completely oblivious.

Step 2: Paint the room

If you have wallpaper, remove it. But do yourself a favor and rent a wallpaper steamer from a local hardware store. That DIFF stuff can kiss my ass. Luckily for me, our wallpaper peeled off like ugly gift wrapping paper. Even it knew it was time to go.

Spackle/repair any holes.

Paint all of the walls except for the area behind the washer & dryer (we’ll do that later). Then paint the trim and baseboards.

 

-Here’s a baseboard tip:

When your wall paint is dry, run a thin bead of paintable caulk where the baseboard meets the wall, smoothing it with your finger. Once the caulk dries, take painter’s tape and tape about 1/2 inch ABOVE the baseboard.

Paint the baseboard and the area above the baseboard.

This creates a clean look and makes your baseboards appear chunkier and classier!

 

Step 3: Floors

Before installing the floors, you’ll need to move the washer and dryer out of the room. Don’t worry, this was surprisingly simple *If you have a gas dryer, I’m clueless and you’re on your own.

Unplug the dryer and separate the air vent thingy from the wall. It’s usually held together by a simple clamp.

 

Then turn off the water to the washer and unscrew the hoses. This is exactly like taking a yard hose off, but indoors.

And don’t forget to unhook the drain hose (the hose that empties the dirty water). That’s usually held in place by a simple clamp too, like the dryer vent thingy.

 

Next, put those moving discs under the washer and dryer and push them to where they won’t be in your way. I parked mine in front of the stove.

I hope you kept your paint can out because now’s the time to paint the wall behind the washer & dryer.

 

Ok…the floors…

It was important to me to do this on my own and on a budget, so I decided to use Peel & Stick floor tiles. After doing some research and reading a ton of reviews, I purchased a Peel & Stick faux hardwood floor that looks soooo real and was only .98 cents per sq foot! Plus it could be applied directly to my old floor!

It’s by Style Selection and can be found at Lowes. Here’s the description:

Style Selections 4-in W x 36-in L Oak Luxury Vinyl Plank

4-in W x 36-in L Oak Luxury Vinyl Plank

  • Realistic wood design and texture
  • More resilient than wood or laminate, with stain and scratch resistance
  • Easy to install in 3 simple steps with a fast peel-and-stick application
  • Perfect in high-traffic areas

*Read the instructions for the flooring you choose. My peel & stick only required me to wash the old floor with soap & water. Now that’s my kind of prep work!

 

– Flooring Tip- Cutting around tricky trim.

Did I mention that Peel & Stick tile can be cut with scissors?! Easy-peasy!

Once the floor is laid, move the washer & dryer back into the laundry room and hook them back up. Just reverse what you did to unhook them.

 

Step 4 – Hanging the cabinets

Once you’ve selected your cabinets (to save money, I purchased ready-to-finish cabinets at Lowes & painted them), you’ll probably wonder how the hell you’re going to hang them on your own. You build a ledge! No, you’re not jumping off.

Buy a 1×2 piece of wood that’s the length of (or longer than) your cabinets. Using a level, screw it into the studs. Prop the cabinet onto the ledge, hold it in place with one hand (or your shoulder) and screw it into the wall with the other.

Remove the ledge and repair screw holes…or don’t, I don’t really care.

Step 5 – Lighting

Turn on your ceiling light, then go to your junction box and turn off the power to the laundry room. If the ceiling light is off when you come back then you know you hit the right breaker. BUT DOUBLE CHECK it by flipping the light switch up & down. You never know, I’m sure there’s someone that’d like to see you electrocuted.

Remove old lighting by unhooking the wires (red, black, & copper). Following the instructions to install your new light (hooking red to red, black to black, & copper to copper or copper to screw). *The copper wire is sometimes referred to as the ground wire.

Step 6 – Decorate!

I got halfway through step 6 before Brian received the credit card bill and begged me to stop. So here’s what I have so far:

I’m pretty sure I bought everything from Marshall’s. And if you’ve read this, then you know I love me some Marshall’s!

I present to you, the before & after…

Ahhh…

Do you have any projects lined up? Shoot me an email if you have any questions about it (but that doesn’t mean I’ll know the answer).

Top Mommy Blogs - Mom Blog Directory

Follow

Get every new post on this blog delivered to your Inbox.

Join other followers: