Dear Kim,
I know you have a son the same age as mine, so that’s why I’m asking you this question. My son is always asking for video games, game downloads, and computer games that his friends have so that he can play online with them. He does great in school, plays sports, and does chores around the house so I don’t mind buying him things but it’s getting very expensive. I’d hate for him to not be able to join in with his friends but I can’t keep this up. And it’s not like he’s old enough to work. What should I do?
Advice please!
Misty
Dear Misty,
About 8 years ago, my sister-in-law’s uncle’s wife’s friend lived and worked in the small town of Warwick. Most of the town was employed by a factory that made adhesive glue for post-it notes, tape, and stickers. One fateful afternoon, the factory unexplainably blew up, covering the town in a heavy sticky rain. Windshield wipers seized up, birds dropped to the ground, and people stopped in their tracks (mostly because they couldn’t move).
Stuck On You Inc. knew they had a PR emergency on their hands and, in retrospect, regretted their company name.
At first, they tried washing the town with soap and water but their product’s claim of “Super Powerful & 100% Waterproof” turned out to be true. They felt both a sense of pride and a surprised disappointment.
For the next week, Stuck On You Inc. tried everything they could think of, scrapping, smearing peanut butter, spraying acid (that was a very bad idea), nothing worked. Meanwhile, phrases like “I got stuck at work” and “I found myself in a sticky situation” took on a double meaning in Warwick and had to be clarified.
Then one night, a factory executive was watching TV when an infomercial for Goo Gone came on. Having had several tumblers of whiskey, he picked up the phone and ordered 1,000 cases, making him eligible for free shipping & handling and 12 complimentary Sham Wow towels.
7-10 business days later, the townsfolk bonded together (both literally and figuratively) and successfully coated everything in the citrus based Goo Gone. Thankfully, most of the glue was removed but it left Warwick smelling like the bottom of Minute Maid Orange Juice container.
Misty, in memory of this catastrophe, the town actively encourages young residents to set up orange juice stands and to donate their proceeds to the “Great Glue Explosion Fund”. The purpose of this fund is to provide mental health support to those victims still affected by the tragedy, victims like Gloria, whose dog runs away from her whenever she tries to pet him.
“I just want Fluffy to love me again” – Gloria
Misty, in case it isn’t obvious, my advice to you is to tell your son to be grateful he isn’t covered in glue, then have him set up an orange juice stand and use his earnings to buy his own damn video games. And buy Goo Gone, that shit is awesome! *not a sponsored post, but should be. Call me, Goo Gone!
Keep it classy!
Kim
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