Happy holidays from our classy family to yours!
Holiday cookie tip
December 24, 2012 Written by One Classy Motha
We received a knock on our door yesterday morning. Of course, our first reaction was to stare at each other with panicked eyes assessing our various stages of undress.
Next, we did Rock, Paper, Scissors to determine who would answer the door. When Ana lost, we knew we had to choose again…she’d invite them in.
In the end, it was me who answered the door, carefully hunching over and concaving my chest so that my bra-lessness wasn’t obvious.
(Just so you know, this scene plays out every time someone knocks on our door before noon on a weekend.)
Turns out it was my exterior house painter wearing a Santa hat and delivering a tray of cookies. You may recall him from my Camp Cheapo posts – remember when Mr. Bojangles peed all over his belongings and in his coffee?
I thought it was so sweet of him to bring us homemade cookies! And how could I tell they were homemade? Well, at first it was the paper plate and endless layers of Syran Wrap that gave it away. But then I saw THEM, the headless reindeer. Here’s a tip for your next cookie exchange…
*If you’re going to make reindeer with fragile necks don’t streak them with red frosting.
It was a reindeer slaughter scene. Poor Ana cried as she ate a bloody Rudolph and, through her tears, she asked for another.
Are we still here?
December 21, 2012 Written by One Classy Motha
Shit.
If you’re reading this then that means the world didn’t end. Which is a good thing unless you came here looking for Free Advice Friday. I didn’t want to spend my last night on earth telling you how to live your life. So, instead I drank wine in bed while watching DVR’d episodes of How I Met Your Mother (don’t you dare judge me).
My “because the world didn’t end” to-do list:
Write “Free Advice Friday” and post it
Go shopping for Christmas gifts
Lose the 10 pounds I put on
Buy more wine
Clean the house
Go to the grocery store
Shave my legs
In the meantime, I’ll leave you with some random advice based on my own personal experience (throwing you a bone here):
Never Ever throw runny dog shit into a nearby bush.
The laws of physics dictate that the branches will bow, allowing some of the dog shit to slide to the ground, whereby the shift in weight will cause the branches to rapidly return with such velocity that it’ll fling the remaining shit back at you.
Shit will rain down on you. It just will. – I cried.
Now go out into the world wiser, showered, and grateful for another day!
UPDATE
P.S. Guess what happened at 6:11am? Turns out the Mayans weren’t predicting the apocalypse at all, they were predicting the start of my god awful menstrual cycle. So you see, this was all about me. Sorry for the scare:(
She’s such a sweetie, not.
December 20, 2012 Written by One Classy Motha
Brian: Are you going to look like mommy when you grow up?
Ana: By wearing her clothes?
Brian: No. I mean, will your face look like hers?
Ana: (her eyes dart all over my face) No way! Hers is bad and mines is not!
Really?! Well guess what, mommy’s spending your toy money on botox and a chemical peel.
Start thinking of names for your pet rock.