Something came up that made me think of this story, so I thought I’d share it with you.

We were living in a house perched on the side of a windy back road which many commuters used as a short cut. Our son was just starting to walk and I was very nervous that he might go into the road if I took my eyes off of him. So one day, I decided to call a fence company to get an estimate on the purchase and installation of a fence.

Here’s how the conversation went:

Me: Yes, I’d like to get an estimate on having a fence installed.

Guy: Sure, how big is your yard?

Me: It’s about a half acre.

Guy: And what kind of dog do you have?

Me (assuming he wants to figure out how high the fence should be): Oh, um, I have an Australian Shepherd but I’m not worried about him, the fence is really for my son. I need something to keep him from running into the street when he’s playing outside. I figure a fence ought to stop him in his tracks. Hahaha.

Guy: (long pause)…Ma’am, do you know you called an electric fence company?

Me (not wanting to look like an asshole): Of course I do (god no, but I was seeing this through). So do you need to know the size of his neck for the collar or is it more of a one size fits all?

Guy: ( he hung up)

But you know, that phone call got me thinking- people use leashes for their kids all the time…so…

Endorsement: “The Collar worked for our family! I was able to enjoy my afternoon margaritas while knowing my toddler was most likely playing somewhere in our yard.”

Side effects may include: Loss of dignity, a nervous demeanor, twitchy eye, and occasional diarrhea (usually when zapped).

*Before purchasing The Collar, ask you child’s pediatrician if an electrical fence is right for you and your child. After asking, act like it was a joke or Social Services may come a’ knocking.

Dear Social Services,

This was only a joke. We did not do this. Really. If our sons says we did, he’s lying. He’s just pissed we won’t buy him an X Box.

Signed,

Mother of the Year 2005 (it was a good year)

Kim S.