I have some exciting news, Mr. Bojangles has an opportunity to star in a national TV commercial! This is the email I received…
They must have heard of his talents through my letter to our local bank, WSFS. Or maybe it’s because we’ve purchased a shitload of fish oil tablets from them and they expect his coat will radiate under the camera lights. In truth, the fish oil tablets were for us…what? they have better prices than Vitamin World.
Brian says that I’m being ridiculous and that they probably sent this email out to everyone. To that I say, “It must suck to be so pessimistic”.
Anyway, before entering Mr. B, I wanted to take a look at his competition. Here are a few entries:
Hi! I’m Oates! I am curious, a little bit sneaky and full of energy, but I’m always game for a cozy snuggle session. Vote for me!
Oates, I’ve got three words for you…Pre. dict. able.
Love getting gifts in the mail from PetMeds…
Nice sucking up. I’m sure that strategy will pay off. (psst, it’s customers voting, not the CEO).
I’m blind but I can still see you daddy!
OMG, you’re going for the sympathy vote, really? “Papa, are you there?”
Why don’t you just add that he only has 1 month to live and his dying wish is to star in a 1-800-PetMeds Commercial?
What “Stage” do I report to? I’m here to shoot the commercial!!
Is that dog wearing bedazzled shoes? WTF? Don’t lower that car window lady, ’cause this dog’s looking to jump.
After sizing up the competitors, I decided Mr. Bojangles was a real contender. So I stuck a bow tie on him, set up a professional photo shoot, and wrote an elegant introduction. Then I remembered that I bought him in front of a Taco Bell for $49 and he sometimes shits on my rugs. If Bo was going to win, I wanted him to do it by being himself.
Hello ladies, my name is Mr.Bojangles. In my free time I enjoy rolling in deer poo, drinking from the toilet, and nights out at the Litter Box Sushi Bar. When I’m not busy crapping on area rugs, I can usually be found eating rolls of toilet paper and snacking on Halls mentho-lyptus cough drops.
If I win, a portion of my winnings will go towards establishing a Non-profit organization that supports sufferers of PTNS (Post Traumatic Neutering Syndrome), it will be called Paws Without Balls. Our mission will be to provide counseling and, in some cases, reconstructive surgery for suffering canines in the Tri-State area.
A vote for me is a vote for compassion and testicular love (in the Tri-State Area).
Now I know you’re all excited to vote, but voting doesn’t actually open until November 29th. Don’t fret, I’ll send out a reminder on that date, along with the voting link for Mr. Bojangles.
Our family truly appreciates your support!
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