About a month ago, I got a “I need to have a hammock” bug up my ass. So I bought one at a yard sale for $10. It wasn’t until this Saturday that the bug came out of my ass and said, “Listen Bitch, you need to hang that damn hammock!” So off to the hardware store I went.
After selecting chains, hooks, and those things that mountain climbers use, I took everything to the counter. The register guy rang it all up (it cost more than the hammock itself) and said “Do you need a bag for that?” I don’t know about you, but when a cashier says “Do you need a bag for that?” I hear, “You DON”T need a bag for that. And if you ask for one, you’re a lazy Earth-killer that probably pours Clorox bleach and chemical fertilizer down your kitchen drain.”
“Oh, no. I have plenty of room in my purse for heavy duty chains. In fact, I can use them to secure my hemp wallet and eco-friendly tampons.”
Then we went to the grocery store, where I had to put the chains on the conveyor belt to get my wallet out. And Ana says to the clerk, “We’re going to hang-a-monk”
Ha…ha…ha…kids say the darnest things…that’ll get you arrested.
Later that night, we went out to a nice dinner (still haven’t hung the hammock).
And I made the mistake of taking Ana to the bathroom with me.
As I’m in the stall, I hear her say, “What’s this do?” Then this happens…
*This is a reenactment as I’m not in the habit of taking my camera to the bathroom.
On Sunday, I decided I HAD to hang the hammock
I call this pic “Shit’s About to Get Real”…or “A Badass Lives Here”, I haven’t decided yet.
and then I HUNG IT! and it was TOO TAUNT! son of a bitch.
Now Ana uses it as a swing.
Bright side: I can relax in a lawn chair while she swings on the monk I hung.
How was your weekend?
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