We’re at the beach, celebrating my birthday and the fourth of July…and the car fighting between the kids on the ride down drove me insane!

It wasn’t until my breathing became shallow and my head started pounding that I remembered my own advice.

I hope you enjoy this re-post while I head to the craft store in preparation of our drive home.

See you on Monday with some fresh Crappy Pics!

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Dear Kim,

I can’t take the bickering between the two girls (my daughter and niece). They may as well be sisters because they spend everyday together. I told them in the car today that I am going to keep a squirt bottle on me so every time one of them whines, takes something from the other, or slaps the other, I am going to squirt them. It worked to keep the cat off the counter. I figure, they are acting like animals so why not treat them like one. It’s more PC than a cattle prodder right? Thoughts….lol!

Emily in Bickerington, WA

Dear Emily,

I like your idea and I totally respect people who think outside the box. However, I see the water squirting as a potential mold and mildew problem.

Having gone through this with my own children, I do have a possible solution. But first, a little story…

Once upon a time, I had a fish tank that contained a Barb fish, a newt, a fresh water crab, and a Betta fish. I’m not sure if you’re familiar with the characteristics of these aquatic creatures but this was a bad, bad combination. Apparently, the kid at “Wet Dreams Fish Emporium” was too busy flirting with the girl restocking the aquarium gravel to tell me.

Anyway, within hours of meeting one another, the Betta attacked the Barb, and the Barb chewed the feet off the newt (who we named Nubby). It was a savage scene.

So you know what I did Emily? I separated them. That’s right, I set up aquariums all around the room and gave them each their own space to swim safely and freely.

I wish I could tell you this story had a happy ending. It didn’t.

Because the new tanks didn’t have lids, it wasn’t long before our cats ate both fish. And a few days after that I found the crab in the back of my bedroom closet, dead. In his claw, he held the lifeless body of the newt. Clearly a murder-suicide.

But here’s my point…separate the kids. Of course you can’t physically separate them into tanks but you can visually separate them. One word for you…blinders. Out of sight = Out of mind.

Today, I’m going to show you how to make my patent pending blinders. The kids can wear these at home, in the car, at stores or restaurants, basically anywhere you want them to ignore one another. I even use these to watch TV when my family’s in the room.
*I don’t recommend them when crossing the street.

Blinders

Materials:

Pop tart box

headband

duct tape

scissors

materials to decorate

Instructions:

1. Cut the panels from the pop tart box

2. Let each child decorate the plain side of 2 panels

3. Attach 1 panel to each side of a headband with duct tape

4. It’s ready to wear! Enjoy the silence of having 2 children ignore one another!

Emily, I hope I was able to help you. I understand that this isn’t a perfect solution but it’s the best one I have to offer. It really has worked out for us because each kid gets that “only child” special feeling.

By the way, while eye contact is discouraged, I do suggest letting them write letters to one another to keep in touch or hosting occasional play dates.

Please let me know how it goes, unless it’s bad…I only enjoy pleasant emails.

Good Luck!

Kim

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Guess what?! Today’s my birthday! Woo hoo! Sure, it’s a little overshadowed by the whole ‘birth of our country’ thing happening tomorrow, but whatever, it’s cool.

As you’re probably aware, today is Wednesday, meaning Cheapo Wino Review Wednesday. But sorry folks, I’m 41 today (gulp) and I insist on celebrating the closing of my 40th year with the pricey stuff!

So instead, I thought I’d share with you the birth of Cheapo Wino Wednesday, my first bad review!

Enjoy!

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As you know, on Monday I decided that I was going to start doing wine reviews on inexpensive wines. You just wet your pants, didn’t you?

This might be a little TMI, but I’ve always experienced a tingling rush of excitement when stumbling across a bargain, it’s almost sexual-like. No lie. In fact, Collin was conceived after a winning bid on Ebay.

But these reviews are about more than just me and my bargain-erotica (bargotica?), they’re about you! I believe that mothers everywhere deserve access to affordable yet delicious mental health care, and I’m determined to make that happen.

Now before I officially begin my review, let’s define my idea of a “bargain” wine. Before I was married, I was quite content with drinking a $5.00 bottle. It provided both the essence of grape and the warming sensation of grainy alcohol that I required. But over the years, Brian has spoiled me by frequently supplying the good stuff…the-we-can’t-afford-this-every-night- good stuff. As a result, my “el cheapo” price range has continued to rise. So for the purpose of this and future reviews, let’s set the maximum dollar amount to $15.

Now for my first review…
Wait!
Back up a sec. Let me quickly warn you that I have no clue what the hell I’m talking about. I mean, I know what I like but I’m not sure what all the fancy terminology means. So I’ll be using my own personal descriptors and preferences. Good luck with the deciphering.

Horse Haven Hills (H3) Cabernet Sauvignon 2010 by Columbia Crest

from Washington State – $11.99

Winemaker Notes: “This bold medium-bodied wine delivers aromas of cherry blossoms and rose petals, with a perfect balance of earth, mineral and deep berry flavors leading to a soft tannin cocoa finish.”

Kim’s Notes: “This shit is good!”

No really! Wine Spectator gave it a 90 point rating, which is amazing for a wine that costs only $11.99. Originally, Brian purchased this bottle for me so I didn’t know the price. After drinking it, and factoring in what Brian would spend, I guessed the value at $24.99.

My description…
It’s a nice deep, dark red…almost like the color of freshly clotted blood. I know, Mmm. The first time I opened the bottle (I drank 3 bottles this week to prepare for this review) I was immediately struck by a nice oaky smell, and I love me some oak (though, not a fan of oak furniture). And unlike a lot of “value” wines, this wine was smooth, it didn’t have the jagged glass feeling that I’ve come to expect in anything under $12. While it wasn’t totally chewy, it had a nice weight & feel to it, like that velvet blanket you frequently stuff in your mouth to keep from screaming.

This wine is ready to drink now through whenever (all my wines are “drink now” or “drink tomorrow”). It’s the perfect choice for mommy playdates, your next book club, or for guzzling while discussing this month’s electric bill with your spouse.

This wine pairs well with pizza bites, Hot Pockets, tacos, or handfuls of chocolate chips eaten directly from the bag while crying.

Go out and buy it today!

Throw a girl a birthday vote? Shameless, right?

Remember last week, when I attempted the Tampon Bird Feeder but failed to consider its absorbency in the rain? Well, I’m not one to give up on a good idea, so I’ve made a few changes.

The Idea: This bird feeder just screams “Eco-Friendly”! Not only are you feeding the birds, but when the seeds are gone they can use the cotton for their nests!
 

What you’ll need:
Peanut butter
Bird seed
1 Tampon (not 15, that was waaay too many)
Knife
Forgiving neighbors
 

Breakfast of champions?

 
 
Step 1:Remove the tampon from its applicator. Remember, this is NOT a recycling project, use an unused tampon. I cannot stress this enough!

 
 
Step 2: Smear the peanut butter wherever you want the seeds to stick. I found that chunky peanut butter is a bitch to work with.
 

 
 
Step 3: Roll the tampon in the birdseed. I prefer to use the “No-Mess” seeds because the last thing you want under a hanging tampon is a mess.
 

Step 4: And here’s the big change…hang the feeder under an umbrella! It’ll stay dry and unexpanded for days!

 
*Idea: Hang one on every umbrella rib. Just imagine you and your guests dining under a canopy of tampon bird feeders!

Happy bird watching!

Vote for me please! I’ll love you forever and ever if you click the banner below…you do want my love, right?

Make sure to check out my Sponsor MommyPie.com!

MommyPie.com is a new and entertaining site which has everything from potty training tips to Kim Kardashian’s crazy baby name. They also have cool giveaways! I swear, it’s like all of your favorite magazines in one place!