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The Weekend in Crappy Pics – The scariest phone call of our lives…

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On Friday night, we put the kids into Kid’s Night Out at the gym and headed to fancy seafood restaurant for dinner.

As a self-confessed hypocrite, I enjoyed eating my freshly caught fish while glaring at the “horrible” woman callously executing lobsters behind me.

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“Look at her, no regard for life!”  *nom nom nom*

It was while Brian was in the bathroom that my cell phone rang and we received the scariest call of our lives. It was the gym.

A young Kid’s Night Out counselor informed me that Ana had hit her head on the pool…

that her head was bleeding…

that she couldn’t follow the life guard’s finger…

that an ambulance was on its way.

no no no, this can’t be happening.

Surprisingly, I asked very few questions, not even bothering to clarify exactly what her condition was. I suppose, in my mind, if he didn’t offer that information it was because either he didn’t know the answer OR it was so awful that he couldn’t bring himself to tell me. I knew if I had any chance of holding it together, I couldn’t risk hearing the worst. So instead, I focused on the logistics – How long ago? What Hospital? Where’s Collin? Is someone riding with her?

On the way to the hospital, Brian peppered me with questions that most normal people would have thought to ask (How did it happen? How bad is her head? Was she unconscious? Who got her out of the water?). But all I could do was to sit frozen in time, repeating the phrase “I don’t know.” In fact, the only thing I did know was that we had to get to the hospital before the ambulance did. We had to be there waiting for her.

It seemed to take forever for the ambulance to arrive…then to pull in…then to back up. I wanted to scream! I found myself gravitating towards the ambulance doors before it even had a chance to come to a complete stop.

As soon as one of the paramedics opened the door, he smiled at me and said “She’s fine. She’s watching Peppa Pig.”

Breathe.

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We’re still unsure what happened, as no one but Ana’s friend saw what happened. But according to her, a little girl threw something across the pool and it struck Ana in the head.

I’ll tell you what, that little girl has a hell of an arm on her because they needed a staple to close the wound.

On Saturday, we did absolutely nothing, except light a fire, cuddle, and feel grateful.

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On Sunday, we did the exact same thing. Plus we watched Frozen.

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and I taught Ana a new word…

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Today, get this…Ana has a fever, a virus she no doubt caught from Kids Night Out. Normally I’d say “Poor girl, she can’t catch a break”, but honestly, we’re all feeling pretty damn lucky.

How was your weekend? Hopefully not as dramatic as ours.

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The Weekend in Crappy Pics

On Friday morning, Brian went into the hospital to have his tonsils removed, his uvula cut, and his deviated septum repaired (sleep apnea issues). It was Friday the 13th, people. Let me repeat, it was Friday. The. 13th. Apparently, that was the only day his doctor’s surgical schedule was clear. Gee, I wonder why?

Thankfully, surgery went great. The doctor said his deviated septum was the worst one he’s ever seen so this surgery should make a huge difference in his breathing (and hopefully his snoring. Shoot me if not.)

Anyhoo, after surgery, as I was sitting lovingly by his side, I pulled out my camera and started snapping away. I mean, let’s face it, that mummy-looking shit is “Weekend in Crappy Pics” gold! Unfortunately, the drugs weren’t strong enough and he woke up and made me swear I wouldn’t post any of the pics on my blog. What a baby. Fine.

But he didn’t say I couldn’t draw him…

 

BAM!!! I could totally be a court sketch artist! Check it out, compare my drawing to the original and tell me I’m not right.

 

 

They stuck him down some dark corridor, so I was really excited to see that his room had a window…

“Well, that’s an unfortunate view.”

A graveyard? Next door? Really?

And then it got stranger. I looked directly down and noticed that there were gravestones ON the hospital property.

“Hang in there. Things could be worse, you could be here.” – an inspirational message brought to you by ABC Hospital

20 million hours later, Brian’s ice bag needed refilling and I was about to call the nurse until I saw this…

so I found the ice machine and refilled it myself. Then I checked his blood pressure, took his temperature, and inserted a catheter. I think I did it right, but he might be peeing in two different directions for the next few weeks.

 

On Saturday morning, I headed out to pick him up at the hospital.

 

That was really hard, guys- I really wanted to stop. If he ever doubted my feelings for him…

We did absolutely nothing for the rest of the day.

 

On Sunday, I woke up to the sweet sound of birds tweeting…or so I thought. Turns out it was just Brian breathing through the tubes in his nose. I’m going to miss those tubes.

In the afternoon, I took Collin to flag football and Ana came along so that Brian could rest.

Remember last Sunday, when I busted out some Parasite Parenting skillz and Ana attached herself to the family with two boys and a dog? Well, I DID IT AGAIN, BABY! Same family too! suuuucckkkers.

 

 

When she got tired of standing behind them, she sat in her chair and moved it a foot closer every 5 minutes.

They didn’t notice her until she was in her new mommy’s lap. She’s that good.

When practice was over, I retrieved her and said to her other mother, “Hey, thanks for entertaining her. I couldn’t help but notice that you took family photos.Would you mind making copies for me? Thanks.”

And how was your weekend?

P.S. Did I mention that today is Brian’s birthday? Poor guy (and umm, bad planning on his part).

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