Friday
I had eyelash extensions applied! That’s right kids, this is my birthday week so I wanted to do it up all fancy-like.
BOOM!
“When I blink, I want it to look like a million tiny spiders are doing ‘the wave’.” – One Classy Motha
By the way, before you start talking smack about me, my nails look like shit and I haven’t shaved my legs in a week, so I can’t be all that high maintenance.
Surprisingly, the kids were great and kept relatively quiet for the whole 1 hour appointment. It’s probably because I promised them a picnic in the park afterwards…without ever once mentioning that the food I bought was organic and vegan approved.
Unfortunately for him, I’m lazy and the ATM happened to be next to the health food store.
Saturday
I practiced Parasite Parenting at the neighborhood pool. (Parasite Parenting: Weaseling your kids into another family’s fun while you relax)
Sunday
This happened:
My poor baby girl woke up with a 101 degree fever (probably from that damn Host Family). Thank goodness it turned out to be the “I just want to lay in your arms and rest” fever and not the “I think I’m going to vomit all over your face” fever.
So I used the unexpected downtime to apply for an awesome writing job:
Dear Mr. Wallace,
I’m very interested in the Freelance Copywriter position available at XYZ (name protected so you don’t steal my job). When I read that you were looking for someone who is social media savvy, loves XYZ, has basic HTML experience, and is extremely professional, I almost crapped my pants! This job is right up my margarita soaked alley!
As the creator, editor, writer, and publisher of www.oneclassymotha.com, I meet all of your requirements and I can do them while wiping someone else’s ass. Now THAT’S multi-tasking.
I understand that you’re offering an hourly pay rate, and I expect that it’s probably pretty low. That’s ok, Mr. Wallace, money isn’t everything. Though, I would like to make enough to pay cash for my 3-legged dog’s anal gland surgery rather than taking out a loan. The last encounter with my bank, regarding their 2012 Community Pet Contest, was extremely humiliating. In my defense, the registration packet never indicated there wasn’t a talent portion…and besides, who doesn’t love Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On” played with musical urine glasses? (true-ish story)
Poor guy, it took him all day to fill them.
I’ve attached my resume and a sample of my writing for you to read at your leisure, preferably while drinking an alcoholic beverage (it might make you just loosey goosey enough to actually offer me the job).
Ok then, I’ll be desperately waiting to hear from you.
Sincerely,
Kim
www.OneClassyMotha.com
I’m feeling really good about this one, guys.
I’ll love you forever and ever if you click the banner below…you do want my love, right?
Do you want to see something other than crappy pics? Then check out my classy sponsor Amber Coleman, an It Works! Global Independent Distributor. She has some fabulous body pics (no, not those kind, you sicko)
