The Weekend in Crappy Pics- At the Beach!

 

First, I need to explain Ana’s new look. Remember when I screwed up her haircut? Well, Brian kept asking me when I was going to take her to a professional. So I did.

So. I. Did…

Anywhoo…moving on.

 

 

I hope everyone had a great Father’s Day weekend, we certainly did! Here are just a handful of crappy pics to highlight our trip to the beach.

 

The first thing we did when we got there was to play the horse racing game, and it’s no surprise that I was in. the. zone. See here as my family watches me in amazement. (click here to learn how you too can be a winner)

 

I still don’t understand why they stood so far away from me. They totally missed out on hearing little Billy’s mom cheer him on:

“C’mon Billy! You can do it! Good job! Ugh! What was that?! Get out of your head, Billy. GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD! You’re getting beat by an adult! NOOOO, BILLLYYY!
20130613-110438.jpg

Kiss it, Billy’s mom.

 

The next day we went Putt-Putting on a boardwalk rooftop. Let’s just say that Ana was a little “distracted” by all the fiberglass animals.

 

3…2…1…

It was all cute and funny until I we realized the gorilla wasn’t anchored to the ground. Even the attendant came running from her little “Putt Hut”.

 

About halfway through our game, Ana saw her first rainbow! She was so excited!

It was beautiful!

Then this happened…

Holy hell! A dark cloud literally descended upon us! I thought the world was ending, so I did what any rational person might do in such a dire situation…I let go of my kid’s hand and took off my earrings, because it was windy, and they’re my favorite earrings, and I wanted to have them in the afterlife.

 

Then next day (when the world didn’t end), we went to the beach.

*tomorrow, I’ll detail this beach day in my Tips for Tuesday.

 

Later that afternoon, we walked down to the pier and went fishing. Ugh.

For the record, I’m not a huge fan of fishing, mostly because I hate the idea of putting a hook through a live worm’s body, it just seems so cruel. Luckily, I remembered reading somewhere that the Germans use cheese for fish bait. So I grabbed some cheese, poured myself a glass of wine, and we headed down to the dock.

 

Here I am “fishing”…

…”fishing” for compliments on my new up-do – and wondering where my sunglasses are.

Brian didn’t stay long, he was annoyed that the bait kept falling off his hook. He mumbled something like “I doubt the Germans use deli sliced provolone” and left.

Sadly, the only thing we caught that day was my cell phone from falling in the water.

 

On Father’s day, we pretty much spent that morning cleaning up the beach house, driving 2 hours home, then watching the US Open while Ana bitched about Brian using “her” TV. When he told her to go upstairs to watch her shows, she replied, “Happy Mother’s Day, Baaaby” and stormed off.

 

At the beach house, before Ana turned on her father.
Happy Father’s Day, Brian!

How was your weekend?

 

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Cheapo Wino Review Wednesday

CUPCAKE VINEYARDS SAUVIGNON BLANC 2012 – $11.99

 

Winemaker’s Notes: “Sourced from the South Island of New Zealand, the Sauvignon Blanc exhibits complexity and a vibrant zing. Flavors of Meyer lemons and Key limes integrate wiht hints of grapefruit, gooseberry and citrus, culminating in a long, creamy finish.”

Serve chilled with oysters on a half shell or with a rich, creamy lobster risotto.

 

Kim Notes: “Like a Summer’s Eve douche, it left me feeling clean, light, and refreshed.”

To be honest with you, I know very little about Sauvignon Blanc other than it’s made from white grapes and has the appearance of a well hydrated person’s urine. But I know many of you love it and you’re probably sick of reading my Chardonnay reviews.

When asking around about Sauvignon Blanc, I was told that it’s a great daytime wine- so I had it for breakfast with my eggs and One A Day vitamin. And guess what? I quite enjoyed it!

I immediately detected notes of grapefruit, pear, apricot, and lemongrass. It was like a fruit bowl in my mouth! *I can’t say I detected the winemaker’s gooseberry, but that’s probably because I have no clue what gooseberry is.

The winemaker said it pairs well with risotto so I plan on trying it with my Maple & Brown Sugar oatmeal tomorrow. Who knows, it might start replacing my coffee.

 

 

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Tips for Tuesday! Upcycling for Cheapo Winos!

Today’s tip is for the Cheapo Wino that has everything…except the ability to water his or her plants with any consistency during the hot summer months.

Last summer, I relied heavily on those Aqua Globe things to keep my potted plants alive, and they worked great (when I remembered to refill them).

But when I pulled them out this year, they were all broken. Wah, wah, waah. I went online to buy more but “ouch!”, they’re kinda expensive.

So I got to thinking, “Candy Ass (positive self-talk), you’re pretty clever. Can’t you create something from materials found around the house?”

And then it hit me! Of course! I’ll make use of my most abundant and natural resource, empty wine bottles!

 

How to make Cheapo Wino Plant Bottles

 

Supplies

empty wine bottle

cork

drill w/ a drill bit (about 7/32)

straw

pliers

screwdriver

scissors

a plant likely to die under your care

Directions

1. Hold the corkscrew in place with the pliers, then drill all the way through the cork.

 

2. Insert a screwdriver into the hole to clear out cork debris. Insert the straw into the cork.

 

3. Fill wine bottle with water and put the cork in the bottle (with the straw sticking out…duh). Cut the straw down so that it extends about 3 inches.

 

4. Use the screwdriver to dig a deep hole into the plant’s soil. Invert wine bottle and insert. Be careful NOT to bend the straw.

 

5. Watch the plant thrive!…or possibly die*

*I’ve only been using this for about 5 minutes. It could go either way.

 

Like my tips? No? What did you expect, I’m listed under Humor Blogs not DIY. Could you give me a little clicky-click love anyway by smacking the banner below?

PS- after you click the banner it’ll seem like nothing happened but trust me, you voted! and I’ll love you a little bit more…but not more than my wine. sorry.

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Weekend in Crappy Pics

Saturday

We went to a fair that had rides dating back to the 1970’s.

I call this picture Nostalgia, Loose Bolts, and Tetanus Shots.

When offered a prize at the Duck Pond game, my nephew chose the world globe key chain.  Ana picked this…

 

 

Saturday Afternoon

Ana made up an imaginary friend named Billy, and challenged him to several foot and bike races.  Not surprisingly, she won all of them.  Then she and Billy got into a huge argument, and she refused to let him play basketball with her.  Apparently, imaginary friends can be real assholes.

 

Sunday

The family practiced hitting golf balls into a net that I had set up in our backyard.   But every time we knocked a ball in (a rare happening) the net would tip over, so Brian went into the garage to find something to stake it down with.  He found something alright…

…my leather Acura headrest.  Who does that?!

He thought it was a brilliant idea…then he brilliantly left it out in the rain overnight.  Bye-bye resale value.

“Why couldn’t you use a rock like a normal person?”-Me.

 

Sunday Evening

I concluded the weekend by sitting on our deck, drinking a margarita. I was really enjoying myself until this damn mosquito kept landing on my crotch.  I was determined to kill it.  Unfortunately, killing it required me to smack my crotch over and over again with my right hand, while holding my margarita with my left (of course I was facing my neighbor’s kitchen window.  They were eating burgers, I was smacking my crotch).

But my determination paid off!  And it turns out it wasn’t your everyday run-of-the-mill mosquito, oh nooo,  it was a black & white striped Asian Tiger Mosquito!

How exotic! I quickly put  it in a trial size soap box and mailed it to a local taxidermist for mounting.  He said the turn-around time is around 8-12 weeks, so I should have it back just as I’m emerging from my Dengue Fever quarantine.

How was your weekend?

Could you give me a little clicky-click love by smacking the banner below?

PS- after you click the banner it’ll seem like nothing happened but trust me, you voted! and I’ll love you a little bit more…but not more than my wine. sorry.

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