پاکستان میں Mostbet com ویب سائٹ ملاحظہ کریں، اور آپ یقینی طور پر کھیلوں پر شرط لگانے یا آن لائن کیسینو میں کھیلنے کے لیے یہاں واپس آنا چاہیں گے۔ کھیلوں کے شائقین کو ایونٹس کے ایک بڑے انتخاب، مختلف پروموشنز اور بونسز، مفت بیٹس، مفت گھماؤ اور زیادہ مشکلات تک رسائی حاصل ہے۔ اور کھیل کو مزید آسان بنانے کے لیے، ہم نے ایک موبائل ایپلیکیشن تیار کی ہے جسے آپ آسانی سے اپنے فون پر انسٹال کر سکتے ہیں۔

Free Advice Friday – Bickering Bettys

January 25, 2013 Written by One Classy Motha

Hey Kim,

I can’t take the bickering between the two girls (my daughter and niece). They may as well be sisters because they spend everyday together. I told them in the car today that I am going to keep a squirt bottle on me so every time one of them whines, takes something from the other, or slaps the other, I am going to squirt them. It worked to keep the cat off the counter. I figure, they are acting like animals so why not treat them like one. It’s more PC than a cattle prodder right? Thoughts….lol!

Emily in Bickerington, WA

Dear Emily,

I like your idea and I totally respect people that think outside the box. However, I see the water squirting as a potential mold and mildew problem. You’re going to be squirting so much that your house is going to be constantly soaked. I, myself, have gone through this problem with my own children. I have a possible solution but let me begin with a little story…

Once upon a time, I had a fish tank that contained a Barb fish, a newt, a fresh water crab, and a Betta fish. I’m not sure if you’re familiar with the characteristics of these aquatic creatures but this was a bad, bad combination. The kid at “Wet Dreams Fish Emporium” could’ve told me as much but he was too busy flirting with the girl restocking the fluorescent aquarium gravel.

Anyway, within hours of meeting one another, the Betta attacked the barb and the barb chewed the feet off of the newt (who we named Nubby). It was a savage scene.

So you know what I did Emily? I separated them. That’s right, I set up aquariums all around the room and gave them each their own space to swim safely and freely.

I wish I could tell you that this story had a happy ending. Unfortunately it doesn’t. The new tanks didn’t have lids so it wasn’t long before our cats ate both the fish. And a few days after that I found the fresh water crab in the back of my bedroom closet, dead. And in his claw, he held the lifeless body of the newt. A murder-suicide.

But here’s my point…separate them. Now I understand that you can’t physically separate them because you need to care for them both, so visually separate them. One word for you…blinders, because out of sight = out of mind.

I’m going to show you how to make blinders. The kids can wear these at home, in the car, at stores or restaurants, basically anywhere you want them to ignore each other. I even use these to watch TV when my family is in the room.

*I don’t recommend them when crossing the street.

Blinders

Materials:

Pop tart box

headband

duct tape

scissors

materials to decorate

Instructions:

1. Cut the panels from the pop tart box

2. Let each child decorate the plain side of 2 panels

3. Attach 1 panel to each side of a headband with duct tape

4. It’s ready to wear! Enjoy the silence of having 2 children ignore one another!

Emily, I hope I was able to help you. I understand that this isn’t a perfect solution but it’s the best one I have to offer. It really has worked out for us. Each kid gets that “only child” special feeling and, while we discourage eye contact, we do let them write letters to one another to keep in touch. Plus they see each other on holidays and the occasional play date.

Please let me know how you’re doing, unless it’s bad…I only enjoy pleasant emails.

Good Luck!

Kim

psst…I just entered my blog for this Top 25 Mom Blogs  on circleofmoms.com!

Could you click this button and vote for me….pretty please? Voting is once every 24 hours.  Thank you!

a mom blog community!

4 Comments Filed Under: Free Advice Friday, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , ,

Still no stomach bug…I guess I’ll have to exercise for weight loss.

January 23, 2013 Written by One Classy Motha

So this is how Monday night went…

I assumed I was going to get the stomach bug from Ana, so I ate a box of Thin Mints, a handful of chocolate chips, my weight in cheese, and I washed it all down with a chocolate martini. Then I sat and waited for the vomiting to begin.

And…nothing.

Damn it. Now all those calories are sitting in my ass wondering when I’m going to buy a bigger pair of pants to accommodate all the expansion that’s about to happen.

So yesterday morning…

I tried so hard to think of a reason why I couldn’t go to the gym. The only thing I could come up with was either clean my house or take a trip to the Medical Walk-In Center for my overdue pap smear. I went back and forth for a while but eventually settled on the gym.

Of course, halfway through my spin class I started to feel nauseous. I thought, “Oh hell no! I didn’t eat healthy this morning AND exercise only to go home and vomit all day.” But luckily it turns out I was just getting motion sickness from reading the calorie counter and tweeting.

So last night….

After all that healthiness, we went to a micro-brew restaurant where we ate truffle fries, pork belly tacos, toffee cake, and drank the darkest, densest, beers they had. Yum! Unfortunately the kids loved the truffle fries too and ate most of them…

Truffle fries? Our kids aren’t cheap.

Aww, don’t you just love Ana’s shirt? So cute, right? Now check out the whole outfit…

Unfortunately, I didn’t get the purple socks and silver shoes in this shot.

Man, she looked a mess. I actually threw this on her early this morning because she was running around naked. When I tried to really dress her for school, she refused to change. Some days I’m too tired to care and this was one of them. I just told everyone that she insisted on dressing herself and BAM! it made the whole outfit endearing. Brian was horrified. whatever.

So tomorrow…

Rinse and repeat.

5 Comments Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , ,

I pulled a parenting move that made me sad.

January 21, 2013 Written by One Classy Motha

Let’s play a game, it’s called “What’s happening here?”

No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service

Ugh. Every morning we’re late for preschool because Ana either won’t get dressed or she repeatedly takes off the clothes that I just convinced her to wear. Dressing and redressing her multiple times, every single morning, is EXHAUSTING.

At my wit’s end, I told her that if she wasn’t dressed when we had to leave, she’d have to finish getting dressed at school. She pretty much told me to stick it up my ass, so I decided to let her experience the consequences of that decision.

When we arrived at preschool (sans shirt and shoes), I removed her coat and dressed her in the corner of the classroom. I could tell she was embarrassed and I suddenly felt really shitty about the whole “following through” tactic- but DAMN, I can’t keep being her bitch.

After she was dressed, we talked and we hugged. I then proceeded to stand outside of her classroom for the next 15 minutes to make sure she wasn’t traumatized. I felt like crap. I mean, I know that whole point was for her to be affected by the situation, but Dr. Phil never said it would be so heart wrenching. Damn you Dr. Phil. *shaking my fist*

Needing to cheer up and needing a boost of dopamine, I headed to my dealer…Marshalls. (read about my love for Marshalls here)

Now here’s where I give you some common sense (except if you’re me) advice: if you feel fat, bloated, and sad, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT try on Spandex workout clothes- it will only compound your sadness. Stick with shoe or lamp shopping.

After returning the clothes to the dressing room lady, I headed over to the home decor department. I wandered around until I came across an aisle that had ottomans. I’d been looking for one for a while now and I saw two possibilities on the shelf. I grabbed the first one, set it on the ground, put my ass on it…and fell in! WTF?! right?

Turns out it was one of those storage ottomans where the lid sits on top, only this lid wasn’t lined up properly so it flipped off, and now I was stuck inside with my legs in the air. FYI- there’s no graceful way to extract yourself from a storage ottoman.

After getting out, I took the other ottoman down, (making sure it didn’t have a misaligned lid) sat on it, and proceeded to cry. While my mind was sad, I couldn’t help but to notice that my ass was pretty damn comfy. So when I was done crying, I took it to the counter and bought it.

The ottoman now sits in my kitchen, still damp from all the tears. I can’t decide if I like it or if it was an emotional purchase, so I’m going to keep the tags on for a few months.

Oh, and I forgot to mention that I accidentally stole an umbrella from Marshall’s. It was under the ottoman in the cart and I forgot to pay for it. But you’ll be happy to know that I took it back in (even though it was raining and I could’ve really used an umbrella).

*Don’t steal kids because it’s wrong (but mostly because karma’s a huge bitch).

When I picked Ana up she was upbeat and seemed to have forgotten the whole thing. We even played soccer together in the gymnasium for about 1/2 hour before heading home (a guilty conscience always makes me a more attentive parent). And guess what? She was dressed for school on Friday with almost no problem. So I guess this had a happy ending. But I still feel ucky.

P.S. I got my period later that day- that might explain all the crying.

10 Comments Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: ,

Free Advice Friday – Your period and you.

January 18, 2013 Written by One Classy Motha

Dear Kim,

I suffer from horrible periods. They make me miserable! I feel fat, ugly, and I’m just really depressed for about a week every month. Do you have any suggestions?

Florence in Vaginaton, VA

Dear Flo,

You’ve come to the right place for help. About 6 years ago, I was a PMS/Menses counselor. I bet you’ve never heard of a PMS/Menses counselor before, I hadn’t either prior to opening my business, PMS-R-Us, (Preventing Mental Shittiness).

Initially, I had trouble getting my name out there and locating potential clients. But then I began sprinkling my cards around tampon aisles, candy aisles, and in liquor stores like they were confetti. The response from the menstruating community was immediate and intense (bitches be batty!).

Sadly, my business was only open for 3 weeks. I started the day after my period, determined to help other women in my situation, and quit 21 days later because everyone was getting on my GODDAMN nerves.

But lucky for you Flo, I’m in a better mood today, and I do have some tips:

– Stock your closet with a week’s worth of clothes that are two sizes too big. They’ll either fit that week or make you feel really skinny. Either way you win.

– Throw out your digital scale and purchase the kind with the dial. At the onset of PMS you’ll need to ask your husband or significant other to turn the dial back 5-10 pounds. If he asks which, say “surprise me”. If he’s any kind of man he’ll turn it back 15lbs.

And Flo, here’s the most important thing you can do…

– Make yourself a tampon crown. You read that right. Every month I make myself a tampon crown, and by doing so, I turn my crappiness into a “Celebration of my Womanhood” and “I’m Not Pregnant Again!” ceremony. I dub myself, Queen Menses!

Here’s how you too can be the queen of your menses:

Queenmenses

Materials:

An empty tampon box (not regular, you want Super because you’re Super. According to my awful periods, I’m Super Plus)
5 tampons
Tape
Scissors
1 News Years Eve hat

Instructions:

1. Cut the box open and cut all the flaps off. Measure it around your hat and cut it to size.

2. Flip the box over and draw an outline of your crown, giving it 5 peaks of staggering height. Do NOT draw on the front because you will enviably screw up. Trust me, you don’t want to look in the mirror and have your crown be a reminder of  your life’s failures.

3. Cut your crown out.

4. Tape your paper crown to your New Years Eve hat. Tape a tampon to each peak. String up or string down, your crown, your choice.

5. When your crown is finished, set it on a pillow of silk, satin, or fur for maximum effect.

I prefer fur, it ties in nicely with the whole pubes thing.

5. Create a ceremony and have someone present the crown to you, addressing you as Queen Menses. Feel free to personalize this ceremony. I like to have my husband do this as I’m seated in an over-sized arm chair and drinking a chocolate martini. I hold a toilet plunger as my scepter.

6. After being crowned, dance around the room singing “I Feel Pretty” from West Side Story. I don’t really know the words (I think I mix it with Zippidy Do Da) but the chorus is all I really care about.

Flo, I hope I’ve given you some ideas to counter your shittiness. Please take a picture of you wearing your crown and send it to me…it makes me feel less alone in my craziness.

Yours in menses,

Kim

6 Comments Filed Under: Free Advice Friday, Uncategorized
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