For this week’s Theme Thursday, myself and other bloggers are answering several questions that have been posed to us.  Some answers may be predictable, some might be surprising, and a few might be better read after you’re done eating.

Questions:

1.What’s the dorkiest thing that gets you excited?

The Dewey Decimal System!  There’s something about its order and predictability that just turns me on.  As a teenage, I spent many Friday nights at the library.  While most girls were on dates, running their fingers through their boyfriend’s hair, I was running my fingers through the card catalog.  As I got older, I would only date guys that were librarians because they knew how to turn me on – they’d start with my ankle…then my back…over to my chest…”Oh god, yes!  Alphabetize me!”

Then I discovered wine.

2.  What hidden/odd talent do you have?

I think this video sums it up. I’m available for birthdays and bar mitzvahs. (P.S. My best Marilyn Monroe impression)

Ankle Idol

3.  What’s the worse job you ever had?

I was an appointment setter for a door to door meat man (insert your own joke here). I sat in a 5×8 closet, making cold calls to people, selling them on the opportunity to possibly buy frozen meat. But you know, that still wasn’t as bad as the week I spent as a waitress.  They had 50 burgers named after famous people (Laurel and Hardy burger, the Catherine Hepburn burger, the Cheech and Chong burger…) and I was suppose to memorize them all during my free time instead of going to the bars with my friends.  Well, after day 5, I said “stick this job up your Three Stooges ass”.

4. If your readers met you in person, what would surprise them most about you?

That I don’t curse much in person, and never in front of my children.  It’s true god dammit!  What, you don’t believe that shit?

5.  Is there someone you wish you could apologize to?

Dear Denny’s staff in Burlington VT,

I am so so sorry.  It was an ill attempt by a very drunk person to hover over the toilet seat while peeing.  I really don’t remember the incident but my friend tells me that it was quite a mess. And that is why we suddenly took our Over My Hammy meal to go.

Sincerely sorry,

Kim

6.  What’s you guilty pleasure?

That’s easy, wine and chocolate…and giving back to my community.

7. Which skeeves you out the most: vomit, poop, snot, or pubic hair?

Vomit, no. Poop, no. Snot, if it’s smeared and dried. Pubic hair, intact – no, laying on the toilet – yes!  In fact, I even have problems eating the grain quinoa because they leave these little things behind when they’re cooked that look like mouse pubes.

8.  Is there anyone you’re secretly jealous of?

Pretty much anyone that gets paid to do what they love.  Of course, I would never wish them otherwise, I just want that too!  Don’t we all?

9.  What’s the grossest thing you found in your food?

I was once in a Vietnamese restaurant enjoying some kind of shrimp dish in some kind of weird sauce (Vietnamese cuisine sucks).  While I was chewing, I bit into something hard.  I pulled out of my mouth, what looked like a tiny tibia and femur bone.  I was horrified, but I made it do a little jig before I called the waiter over. He says, “Oh, haha, no worry. That just a frog leg.”  Then he walked away. Just. walked. away.  I think he considered it a bonus, like finding a diamond among shit.  He probably added a damn dollar to my bill.  Needless to say, I did not return.

10.  What do you want on your tombstone (the actual stone, not the pizza)?

I thought long and hard about this…

Here lies Kim

she made us laugh

a wonderful person

with a mighty fine ass.

Pop in and check out my friends’ responses. Click on the links under Theme Thursday, over there ——->