My wonderfully talented bloggy friend Jen, at Life on the Sonny Side bestowed upon me the “Very Inspiring Blogger Award”!

You can’t imagine how flattered I was until you’ve read her blog. Her writing is so warm, so beautiful, and it seems to just flow from her heart straight to her keyboard. I like to imagine tiny bluebirds fluttering around her as she writes.

So you and I are probably equally baffled as to why I might inspire her. After all, my writing seems to flow straight from my ass. But not one to look a gift horse in the mouth (I need to look that phrase up), I grabbed the award and ran! But hold on- it comes with some strings attached…

Luckily, the rules to this award are simple, they state that I have to share 7 things about myself and then pass this award on to a few bloggers that inspire me. Ok, 7 things? Have you guys noticed that I tend to elaborate a bit? We may have to split this sucker up- I mean after all, you’ve got things to do today, right? Here we go…

7 things about me

1. I almost failed driver’s education.

Yes, it’s true. I remember pretending to forget my scheduled driving times because I dreaded the stress of operating a vehicle that could potentially kill someone. Call me crazy. Unfortunately, this led to make-up sessions with my teacher that were filled with anger, resentment, and anxiety…on his part.

During one drive, he said I was the most nervous driver that he’d ever been forced to ride with. Forced? Way to build my confidence Mr. Johnson. Anyway, I was about to accuse him of overreacting when I suddenly swerved off the road to avoid hitting a low flying bird. Maybe he had a point.

At the end of the semester, though he wanted to, he couldn’t technically fail me because I had attended every class and passed every test. So here’s what that sneaky bastard did, he required that I get a Driver’s Permit instead of a license. This meant I’d have to drive with my parents for months before I could legally drive alone.

“Fine”, I said.
“Come again?” said my parents.

I don’t think they wanted to ride with me either.

But guess what…when I went to the DMV to get my permit I walked out with a WHAT!? WHAT!?…yeah kids, the DMV screwed up (go figure), I got my license!

Later that night, to demonstrate their faith in my driving ability (and because they didn’t feel like getting dressed), my parents sent me to pick up subs for dinner.

Wahoo! For the first time ever, I was going to drive by myself!

On the way to the sub shop I was amazed at how different it was to drive at night. It was so dark. So hard to see. Did I mention dark?

It didn’t occur to me until I got home…I forgot to turn on my headlights! Well, Mr.Johnson, that’s what happens when all of your stupid classes are held during the day. Jeez.

2. I have a cactus phobia.

You know how many of your childhood memories are almost forgotten except for the really awful or really wonderful ones. Yeah well…CACTUS. Maybe my mom will say it happened differently, but this is how my memory goes…

Setting: Me, sitting in the shopping cart. A table lined with various cactus plants is next to me. The table is shopping cart level. Many of the cacti look thorny but some look almost soft & fuzzy.

I’m not quite sure what these plants are but I want to touch them.

Mom: Kim, don’t touch the cactus plants. (she turns away)

Me: ok

(don’t touch, don’t touch, don’t touch,- ohhh, they look so fuzzy, must touch)

Holy hell! Before I knew it, cactus needles were buried deep in my palms! Let me tell you, I DID NOT grab that shit half-assed. Oh no no no, I squeezed tightly, hoping to feel every inch of its cute little fuzziness.

Quickly thinking, my mother bought tweezers and we stood outside of the store’s entrance as she plucked every thorn out of my hand.

At that point, the whole thing becomes a blur. But according to her, many people walked by us that day, me sobbing and her plucking my hand and saying “I told you not to touch”.

Yes, people probably thought I was being tortured, yet no one stepped in to save me. Real nice 1970’s people, real nice.

To this day I refuse to come within a foot of nature’s cruelest plant, the cactus. Truth be told, I’m most resentful of the cacti classified as “fuzzious bastardidis”, those are the ones that really piss me off. They seduce you with their appearance of softness and before you know it, you’ll disobey your mama just to touch one.

3. Oh shit, this is getting long guys. Let’s call this Part 1 and I’ll let you absorb all this incredible insight into my psyche and we’ll pick up on Wednesday (Tomorrow is Tips for Tuesday).