OMG…as if Brian being miserable from his surgery last weekend isn’t enough, now I have Ana who’s had a fever since Tuesday.  And here’s the suckiest part, she’s not acting sick!

I’ll be honest, when she gets a fever, I sorta look forward to a whole day of just cuddling and relaxing together. But an Ana with a fever, who doesn’t agree she has a fever, is the worst Ana of all!  She has that, “Oh no no no, you will take me to the park or you might find a thermometer up your ass.” attitude.  And my favorite part of all of this, I think she gave me her virus. ugh.

So yeah, it’s been a fun week in our Classy household.  I apologize but today is a re-post (hopefully you haven’t read it) because I feel nauseous, although I really need to finish this glass of wine.  What? Antioxidants are good for an ailing body.

Oh, but I did cook up something special that I’m going to share with you on Tips for Tuesday.  I wanted to share it with you today but it’s Free Advice Friday and I know how much you rely on my words of wisdom.  Honestly, what would you do without me? ……..probably screw up less shit.

Dear Kim,

I was thinking about getting a part time job, something that I can do for extra money but still be here when my kids get home from school. Any advice or ideas?

Thanks,

Pam in Brokeville, OH

Dear Pam,

At one time, I too was in search of a flexible part time job. It’s always been important to me to have a stash of cash that’s all my own. In the past, my primary income came from reselling the birthday, valentine, and Christmas gifts given to me by my husband. I listed them on venues like eBay or Craigslist and always under the seller name ‘Cauliflower69’, Brian knows I hate cauliflower so he’d never suspect it was me. But I think he recently caught on because lately my gifts are mostly underwear and perishable food items. FYI- finding a buyer for underwear, even those listed as “New Without Tags”, is a lot harder than you’d think.

Needless to say, the change in my financial status made it nearly impossible to support my addiction to animal print ballerina flats. Zebra, leopard, giraffe, pigeon- you name it, I have to have it! Pam, did you know that there isn’t an outfit in your closet that wouldn’t look better with a pair of animal print shoes? But here’s some advice, if you can only invest in one pair of animal print ballerina shoes, buy Chameleon- that son of a bitch goes with everything!

Anyway, back to the job search advice…I looked at a lot of possible part time jobs that would give me the flexibility necessary for a stay at home mom. Sadly, I lacked the body and the “willingness to do anything” that most of them required. I did, however, stumble across one that held some promise, something a mom might know about. It was listed under Scalp Services/ Lice, and the ad read something like…

Want to meet exciting and interesting people? Enjoy the rush of the heebie jeebies? Yearn for the thrill of the chase while invading the personal space of another? Want to feel like a cowboy of your own tiny rodeo? If you answered ‘yes’ to these questions then the challenging career of Lice and Nit Removal could be for you.

The perfect candidate will possess a positive attitude, a strong stomach, nimble fingers*, and be extremely near-sighted.

*acrylic nails a plus

I seriously considered applying for it myself, I even thought about what my business cards would say:

Kim, Lice Location & Extraction Officer

“Lice: Hair Today,Gone Tomorrow!”

Remember, if you’re not “picky” about your nit removal company,

you may be left scratching your head!

(234) 555-LICE

But my friends pointed out that flip-flop season was just around the corner (flip-flops are a much cheaper habit to support). They also said they would never meet me for happy hour if I was coming straight from work. Maybe you have less judgemental friends, Pam. If so, it’s worth checking out.

Good luck to you and your job search!

Kim

P.S. – I enclosed an old pair of ballerina flats that you can wear to your first interview. They’re size 8 and in Salmon (the fish, not the color), the iridescent scales say “I think outside the box”. You’ll thank me when you get the job!

You must head over and check out my girl Alyson over at Shitastrophy!  She wants all the Skinny Ladies to Shut Up!  Read why!