Free Advice Friday – Bickering Bettys

January 25, 2013 Written by One Classy Motha

Hey Kim,

I can’t take the bickering between the two girls (my daughter and niece). They may as well be sisters because they spend everyday together. I told them in the car today that I am going to keep a squirt bottle on me so every time one of them whines, takes something from the other, or slaps the other, I am going to squirt them. It worked to keep the cat off the counter. I figure, they are acting like animals so why not treat them like one. It’s more PC than a cattle prodder right? Thoughts….lol!

Emily in Bickerington, WA

Dear Emily,

I like your idea and I totally respect people that think outside the box. However, I see the water squirting as a potential mold and mildew problem. You’re going to be squirting so much that your house is going to be constantly soaked. I, myself, have gone through this problem with my own children. I have a possible solution but let me begin with a little story…

Once upon a time, I had a fish tank that contained a Barb fish, a newt, a fresh water crab, and a Betta fish. I’m not sure if you’re familiar with the characteristics of these aquatic creatures but this was a bad, bad combination. The kid at “Wet Dreams Fish Emporium” could’ve told me as much but he was too busy flirting with the girl restocking the fluorescent aquarium gravel.

Anyway, within hours of meeting one another, the Betta attacked the barb and the barb chewed the feet off of the newt (who we named Nubby). It was a savage scene.

So you know what I did Emily? I separated them. That’s right, I set up aquariums all around the room and gave them each their own space to swim safely and freely.

I wish I could tell you that this story had a happy ending. Unfortunately it doesn’t. The new tanks didn’t have lids so it wasn’t long before our cats ate both the fish. And a few days after that I found the fresh water crab in the back of my bedroom closet, dead. And in his claw, he held the lifeless body of the newt. A murder-suicide.

But here’s my point…separate them. Now I understand that you can’t physically separate them because you need to care for them both, so visually separate them. One word for you…blinders, because out of sight = out of mind.

I’m going to show you how to make blinders. The kids can wear these at home, in the car, at stores or restaurants, basically anywhere you want them to ignore each other. I even use these to watch TV when my family is in the room.

*I don’t recommend them when crossing the street.

Blinders

Materials:

Pop tart box

headband

duct tape

scissors

materials to decorate

Instructions:

1. Cut the panels from the pop tart box

2. Let each child decorate the plain side of 2 panels

3. Attach 1 panel to each side of a headband with duct tape

4. It’s ready to wear! Enjoy the silence of having 2 children ignore one another!

Emily, I hope I was able to help you. I understand that this isn’t a perfect solution but it’s the best one I have to offer. It really has worked out for us. Each kid gets that “only child” special feeling and, while we discourage eye contact, we do let them write letters to one another to keep in touch. Plus they see each other on holidays and the occasional play date.

Please let me know how you’re doing, unless it’s bad…I only enjoy pleasant emails.

Good Luck!

Kim

psst…I just entered my blog for this Top 25 Mom Blogs  on circleofmoms.com!

Could you click this button and vote for me….pretty please? Voting is once every 24 hours.  Thank you!

a mom blog community!

4 Comments Filed Under: Free Advice Friday, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , ,

Still no stomach bug…I guess I’ll have to exercise for weight loss.

January 23, 2013 Written by One Classy Motha

So this is how Monday night went…

I assumed I was going to get the stomach bug from Ana, so I ate a box of Thin Mints, a handful of chocolate chips, my weight in cheese, and I washed it all down with a chocolate martini. Then I sat and waited for the vomiting to begin.

And…nothing.

Damn it. Now all those calories are sitting in my ass wondering when I’m going to buy a bigger pair of pants to accommodate all the expansion that’s about to happen.

So yesterday morning…

I tried so hard to think of a reason why I couldn’t go to the gym. The only thing I could come up with was either clean my house or take a trip to the Medical Walk-In Center for my overdue pap smear. I went back and forth for a while but eventually settled on the gym.

Of course, halfway through my spin class I started to feel nauseous. I thought, “Oh hell no! I didn’t eat healthy this morning AND exercise only to go home and vomit all day.” But luckily it turns out I was just getting motion sickness from reading the calorie counter and tweeting.

So last night….

After all that healthiness, we went to a micro-brew restaurant where we ate truffle fries, pork belly tacos, toffee cake, and drank the darkest, densest, beers they had. Yum! Unfortunately the kids loved the truffle fries too and ate most of them…

Truffle fries? Our kids aren’t cheap.

Aww, don’t you just love Ana’s shirt? So cute, right? Now check out the whole outfit…

Unfortunately, I didn’t get the purple socks and silver shoes in this shot.

Man, she looked a mess. I actually threw this on her early this morning because she was running around naked. When I tried to really dress her for school, she refused to change. Some days I’m too tired to care and this was one of them. I just told everyone that she insisted on dressing herself and BAM! it made the whole outfit endearing. Brian was horrified. whatever.

So tomorrow…

Rinse and repeat.

5 Comments Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Tips for Tuesday – Got the bug? vomit tips.

January 22, 2013 Written by One Classy Motha

I am so tired. Ana woke up at 1am with vomit all over herself and her bed, and then continued vomiting on and off until 6am. I heard that the stomach bug was going around but I had hoped that it would miss us. Guess not.

Today I’m going to give you some tips for dealing with this icky virus. And if you were at one of the many birthday parties Ana attended this weekend, you might want to pay close attention…and sorry about that.

Immediately after vomiting occurs

– After the clean-up, you’ll need to go into your garage, pull out a painter’s tarp, and cover the entire room like construction is about to begin. Make sure to set up all your cleaning supplies and give your kid instructions on how to keep everything tidy in the event that you fall asleep- after all, you need your beauty sleep too.

– Make sure to explicitly demonstrate emergency vomiting options should the bathroom suddenly seem far away. There’s nothing more soothing for a 3 year old than to watch their parent pretend to puke into a 10 gallon Lowe’s bucket at two o’clock in the morning.

Sweet Dreams

 

– Create a vomit smock. It’s exactly what it sounds like. This can be made from one of your husband’s shirts that you’ve always hated or a garbage bag.

Garbage Bag Vomit Smock

Not to be used while sleeping…and probably at all.

Simply take a kitchen garbage bag, turn it upside down and cut out a neck and arm holes. (do I really need to give you these instructions?)

Prevent the Spread

– Bathe the rest of the family in hand sanitizer*. You’ll also want to liberally apply Lysol to all of your exposed body parts* and reapply every four hours (follow the same directions as on the back of your SPF 50 sunblock).

*warning labels would advise against this.

Recuperation

– In my opinion, the first food you should feed a child who has recently vomited is chocolate. That way, if they’re still sick the clean up won’t be totally unpleasant- it’ll be like cleaning up organic hot chocolate but a hint grosser.

*This may make you hungry, which will be both confusing and disturbing. I recommend keeping Thin Mints in your nightstand and not judging yourself too harshly.

_____________________________

Now here’s the crazy shit…

Ana got maybe 3 hours sleep but she woke up happy, energetic, easy going, etc. I haven’t seen her like this in years…years people…she’s only 3…years. Maybe the vomiting was cathartic? Maybe bitchiness is a virus? see here….

A Curiously Happy Girl

Just cross your fingers for me that the vomiting has passed because I need some sleep and I don’t have another tarp. The happy can stay.

UPDATE: Never mind, she just punched her brother in the balls for looking at her. Everything’s back to normal.

11 Comments Filed Under: Tips

I pulled a parenting move that made me sad.

January 21, 2013 Written by One Classy Motha

Let’s play a game, it’s called “What’s happening here?”

No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service

Ugh. Every morning we’re late for preschool because Ana either won’t get dressed or she repeatedly takes off the clothes that I just convinced her to wear. Dressing and redressing her multiple times, every single morning, is EXHAUSTING.

At my wit’s end, I told her that if she wasn’t dressed when we had to leave, she’d have to finish getting dressed at school. She pretty much told me to stick it up my ass, so I decided to let her experience the consequences of that decision.

When we arrived at preschool (sans shirt and shoes), I removed her coat and dressed her in the corner of the classroom. I could tell she was embarrassed and I suddenly felt really shitty about the whole “following through” tactic- but DAMN, I can’t keep being her bitch.

After she was dressed, we talked and we hugged. I then proceeded to stand outside of her classroom for the next 15 minutes to make sure she wasn’t traumatized. I felt like crap. I mean, I know that whole point was for her to be affected by the situation, but Dr. Phil never said it would be so heart wrenching. Damn you Dr. Phil. *shaking my fist*

Needing to cheer up and needing a boost of dopamine, I headed to my dealer…Marshalls. (read about my love for Marshalls here)

Now here’s where I give you some common sense (except if you’re me) advice: if you feel fat, bloated, and sad, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT try on Spandex workout clothes- it will only compound your sadness. Stick with shoe or lamp shopping.

After returning the clothes to the dressing room lady, I headed over to the home decor department. I wandered around until I came across an aisle that had ottomans. I’d been looking for one for a while now and I saw two possibilities on the shelf. I grabbed the first one, set it on the ground, put my ass on it…and fell in! WTF?! right?

Turns out it was one of those storage ottomans where the lid sits on top, only this lid wasn’t lined up properly so it flipped off, and now I was stuck inside with my legs in the air. FYI- there’s no graceful way to extract yourself from a storage ottoman.

After getting out, I took the other ottoman down, (making sure it didn’t have a misaligned lid) sat on it, and proceeded to cry. While my mind was sad, I couldn’t help but to notice that my ass was pretty damn comfy. So when I was done crying, I took it to the counter and bought it.

The ottoman now sits in my kitchen, still damp from all the tears. I can’t decide if I like it or if it was an emotional purchase, so I’m going to keep the tags on for a few months.

Oh, and I forgot to mention that I accidentally stole an umbrella from Marshall’s. It was under the ottoman in the cart and I forgot to pay for it. But you’ll be happy to know that I took it back in (even though it was raining and I could’ve really used an umbrella).

*Don’t steal kids because it’s wrong (but mostly because karma’s a huge bitch).

When I picked Ana up she was upbeat and seemed to have forgotten the whole thing. We even played soccer together in the gymnasium for about 1/2 hour before heading home (a guilty conscience always makes me a more attentive parent). And guess what? She was dressed for school on Friday with almost no problem. So I guess this had a happy ending. But I still feel ucky.

P.S. I got my period later that day- that might explain all the crying.

10 Comments Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: ,
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