پاکستان میں Mostbet com ویب سائٹ ملاحظہ کریں، اور آپ یقینی طور پر کھیلوں پر شرط لگانے یا آن لائن کیسینو میں کھیلنے کے لیے یہاں واپس آنا چاہیں گے۔ کھیلوں کے شائقین کو ایونٹس کے ایک بڑے انتخاب، مختلف پروموشنز اور بونسز، مفت بیٹس، مفت گھماؤ اور زیادہ مشکلات تک رسائی حاصل ہے۔ اور کھیل کو مزید آسان بنانے کے لیے، ہم نے ایک موبائل ایپلیکیشن تیار کی ہے جسے آپ آسانی سے اپنے فون پر انسٹال کر سکتے ہیں۔

And the winner is…(maybe but probably not) you!

Woohoo! Today is the big day! The STFU, Parents book is officially released and we find out who won a free copy (and BookSperm: You love to read, he loves to breed.)!

Happy Birthday!!!

But before I announce the winner, I’m going to do one of those annoying stall tactic things where I just bullshit for a while. This is meant to create an “edge of your seat” experience.

 

To begin with, I was thrilled to see so many wonderful comments! Some of you have been reading my blog for months, while others are new (and I hope you stay) but you all have one thing in common…you’re funny as shit! Really, your comments had me laughing and smiling, thank you!

And a big shout out to those of you that told me you love me! Just so you know, I think of you every night as I drift off to sleep…your comments printed out and clutched in my pudgy fluid retaining hands.

Also, I’m am both grateful and overwhelmed by your willingness to share your leg shaving schedule with me! I’m still double checking my figures, so I’ll have to get back to you later this week with the FOS (Frequency Of Shaving) breakdown.

 

Moving on to the selection process…Elefun.

If you’re new to my blog, let me explain. You see, awhile back I realized that I was creating a lot of stress for myself by making informed decisions based on a combination of extensive research, intuition, and common sense…and my decisions were still wrong. Who needs that? So instead, I decided to start writing all my options on tiny pieces of paper and to just randomly pick one. That technique got the job done, but to be honest it lacked the festivity that all half-assed decisions deserve.

Then one Christmas, Elefun appeared under our tree like an angel sent from Toys R Us. Ana saw him as just a toy, but I knew he was meant for greater things! …like telling me which shoes go best with my cream skirt.

Now Elefun makes most of my life decisions

What should I cook for dinner, Elefun?

Lasagna it is!

What color should I paint the foyer, Elefun?

Good choice! I bet that’ll look great!

What form of birth control should Brian & I use, Elefun?

I totally agree! (psst…all the papers said vasectomy)

Now on to the drawing….

(click this link) And the winner is….

Congratulations to the winner!!! You’ll be contacted shortly for your mailing address. Sorry to the losers (the PC term is “second place winners”), you get squat…except for my undying love and gratitude. Isn’t that enough, dammit?!

Free Advice Friday! Sleeping in Suburbia

Dear Kim,

I’m a stay at home mom of two kids under 3. It’s almost impossible for me to run errands with them! When we finally get out the door, one of them (or both) always falls asleep in the car. So I spend the next hour entertaining one while the other one sleeps. Do you have any suggestions?

Sleeping in Suburbia

 

Dear Sleepy,

Two kids under 3? I assume they were spaced like that for some kind of long term benefit, because that’s short term bullshit right there!

Do I have any suggestions? Do I ever! You won’t believe this, Sleepy, but I’ve developed a new business/iPhone app that may help you. Let me tell you a little story…

About a year ago, my darling Ana and I were riding to Nordstrom’s for their semi-annual sale. We didn’t have a lot of time because I had to beat it back to meet Collin’s bus, but I wasn’t worried because I was headed there for one item only, a pair of cute peep-toe wedges with a cluster of tiny rosettes nestled right on top. Mmm, I can still smell them.

Well, the moment I parked the car, I turned back to yell my shopper’s call “Let’s go go go!” but what I saw created a mixture of feelings that’s almost indescribable. She was asleep! At first I felt a sense of relief wash over me (ah, so quiet), then anger (I will get my shoes!), then guilt (But she needs the rest). See what I mean?

Then I asked myself this, “Sugar Ass (positive self-talk), wouldn’t it be wonderful if you could call a babysitter to meet you in this parking lot and have her sit in the car while you shopped?” Yes, yes it would, Cinnamon Legs. It was in that very moment that my business venture seed was planted…or idea bloomed…I don’t know, some landscaping analogy.

 

Babysitter 2 Go!

Sleepy, the next time Junior falls asleep in the car, you can…

1. Tap the “B-2-GO” icon

2. Fill out the required fields

3. An available babysitter match will show on the screen!

Currently, I’m only testing this on a small scale (my niece Cherri is the only sitter listed and she won’t travel farther than 3 blocks) but I feel like it’s the start of something big!

Sleepy, if you’re interested in being notified once Babysitter 2 Go becomes available in your area, just leave your contact info in the comments. But FYI- it could take a while…do you plan on having grandchildren?

Good Luck with the two kids under 3 thing,

Kim

Vote For Us @ Top Mommy Blogs

A giveaway: One Classy Motha style! STFU! No really…

Ok, so get this…about three weeks ago, I noticed a HUGE amount of traffic landing on my Beaver Babies post- like bees to honey, my friend, like dirty bees to honey.

Push! Push! I see the head! It’s a boy!

So I did a little investigation and found that the origin of this vag-u-cational frenzy was a blog called STFU, Parents ( www.stfuparentsblog.com ). I must spend the majority of my day with my head up my ass because I hadn’t heard of this blog. Naturally, I headed right over there and clicked the “about” page:

“STFU, Parents is a submission-based “public service” blog that mocks parent overshare on social networking sites. It was created in March 2009 and is an entertainment destination for thousands of daily readers. The site serves as a guide for parents on what NOT to post about their kids as well as a forum for non-parents to vent about their TMI-related frustrations.”

Well, as you know, TMI + Oversharing = One Classy Motha!

Yes, I could be the poster child for this site…or the mascot.

 

After I spending forever reading, laughing, and peeing my pants, I wrote Blair a “thank you for the shout out” email. And guess what? 1) She said she’s been a fan of mine for like ever (I made that up) 2) It was one of my readers that submitted my link to her (reader, you rock!) and 3) She has a book coming out on April 2nd and asked if I wanted to give one away on my blog! – Umm, Hell Yeah!!!

Aww, isn’t it beautiful?

Shh, it’s sleeping until April 2nd.

If you haven’t had a chance to check it out, here’s the summary:

“Are you a parent? Do you have friends who are parents? Do you have parents? Then chances are you’ve been exposed to the growing online phenomenon known as overshare.
From posting photos of baby’s first poo and the intricacies of placental crafts to sanctimommies declaring their child the most beautiful kid in the world and criticizing the parenting skills of fellow Facebook “friends,” STFU, Parents collects the most bizarre, hilarious, and horrifying examples of oversharing on the web. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll cringe at detailed descriptions of baby’s first blowout, but one thing’s for sure: You’ll never look at parenting the same again.”

Blair was kind enough to send me my very own copy, and guys…OMG…sooo hilarious! I read it in the bathtub so I don’t have to worry about peeing my pants (leave me alone, I had a big baby).

You can preorder the book here. But if you want to try to win it first, all you need to do is leave a comment at the end of this post. Your comment can be anything: tell me a little tmi story (I’m always up for those), tell me you love me (I really like hearing that), or tell me how often you shave your legs (and be honest- I’m collecting data to show Brian).

But just so you know, kissing ass won’t help your chances. Why not? Because the winner will be chosen by none other than Elefun! Ohhh Yeaaahhh! That’s right, I’m writing everyone’s name down on a little piece of paper, shoving them down Elefun’s trunk, and flipping on the switch! The first name that Ana catches in her little net will be the winner! The winner will be revealed on April 2nd via live recording. Don’t worry, I’ve done this before.

Oh, and I have a bonus gift for the winner – A One Classy Motha bookmark! You’ve heard of a bookworm, but have you heard of a booksperm? Booksperm:- You love to read, he loves to breed.

All this could be yours!

I’m so excited! Leave me a love note below- and Good Luck!

PS- Gift Idea: this book, a Beaver Baby, and a box of condoms would make an awesome baby shower gift!

Psst…If you laughed your ass off OR you cracked a shitty smile, please vote for me on your way out by clicking the Top Mommy Blogs button. (that’s it, just click) Thanks! Mwah!

Vote For Us @ Top Mommy Blogs
 

 

Weekend Update Through Pics: birthing babies from my organic ass.

How was your weekend? I hope it was a great one, filled with laughs, love, wine, wine, and wine. Sorry, I’ve been detoxing from crap for the last week, which means no alcohol. So instead of drinking, I’m dropping old wine corks in my tea like they’re sugar cubes.

Essence of Wine Tea – “When you don’t have time to lose your mind, but your ass is so huge, you’re laying off the booze”

How did my weekend begin? Glad you asked. Do you remember the time that I accidentally left Ana in the gym daycare and went home to eat eggs? (If not, you can read that story here– it’ll make you feel like a better parent. ) It was kinda like that.

 

Friday

Me at the playground with other moms:

 

Mom 1: Is Brian home today?

Me: yup, why?

Mom 1: I was just wondering who was getting Collin off the bus.

Me: Oh, that’s right, today’s a half day. I totally forgot. Thank goodness Brian works from home!

Mom 2: So I was telling my friend the other day…

(At this point, I get this bad feeling. Hmm, what is it I’m forgetting?)

Me: OH SHIIIITTTT! Brian went to his friend’s for March Madness!!!

 

I look at the clock and it’s 1:03pm, the bus drops him off at 12:56pm. Holy Shit!

I shove all of our stuff under my left arm, and with perfect timing, Ana shoots out of the curly slide. I throw her under my right arm and we take off running, like this…

Luckily my neighbor was home and rescued him from wandering around the driveway. Thank you, Tiffany!

 

Saturday

this happened…

So Collin and I went shopping for a new couch while Brian and Ana went to the moon-bounce place. Hey- that was Collin’s choice.

While shopping, I get this text from Brian…

Nice, real nice.

 

Sunday

The whole family went bowling, for the first time ever. Surprisingly, other than pulling a muscle in my ass & back, it was a success!

 

I asked Ana if she liked bowling and she said “No…I love it!”

 

After bowling, Brian picked up a pizza and made me hold it on my lap all the way home. Way to be supportive of my detox.

smells…so…good

I don’t think he wants me birthing the baby in my ass.

So, what did you do this weekend? If it was “have chocolate martinis”, keep that shit to yourself.

 

Follow

Get every new post on this blog delivered to your Inbox.

Join other followers: