A Feel Good Story! I’m not bullshitting you like I usually do.

As you all know, we’re currently fostering a 3-legged dog named Buddy.  Buddy is an adorably sweet thing that doesn’t seem to be the least bit bothered by his shortcoming.  Oh how I envy that.

Well, just this morning I received the following story from my father-in-law, who by the way, thinks Buddy is awesome (so he should probably just adopt him now).  I won’t spoil the story here, but I will say that “it’ll make you feel good” (but not in that drug induced kind of way).  And if you love animals, are pregnant, or have pms, you might want to have a tissue handy.

This is the story I received:

This dog was born on Christmas Eve in the year 2002. He was born with two legs. He, of course, could not walk when he was born. Even his mother did not want him.

His first owner also did not think that he could survive and he was thinking of ‘putting him to sleep’.

But then, his present owner, Jude Stringfellow, met him and wanted to take care of him.

She became determined to teach and train this little dog to walk by himself. She named him ‘Faith’.

In the beginning, she put Faith on a surfboard to let him feel the movement. Later she used peanut butter on a spoon as a lure and reward for him for standing up and jumping around. Even the other dog at home encouraged him to walk.

Amazingly, only after 6 months, like a miracle, Faith learned to balance on his hind legs and to jump to move forward.  After further training in the snow, he could now walk like a human being.

Faith loves to walk around now.

No matter where he goes, he attracts people to him. He is fast becoming famous on the international scene and has appeared on various newspapers and TV shows.  There is now a book entitled ‘With a Little Faith’ being published about him.  He was even considered to appear in one of the Harry Potter movies.

His present owner Jude Stringfellew has given up her teaching post and plans to take him around the world to preach that, “even without a perfect body, one can have a perfect soul.”

In life there are always undesirable things, so in order to feel better you just need to look at life from another direction.

I hope this message will bring fresh new ways of thinking to everyone and that everyone will appreciate and be thankful for each beautiful day.

Faith is the continual demonstration of the strength and wonder of life.

A small request: All you are asked to do is keep this story circulating

_______The End_______________________________

Did you cry?  If not, you probably hate kittens and babies.

Free Advice Friday – Marriage tips that may or may not help.

Dear Kim,

I saw your marriage tip on twitter and was wondering if you had any other great advice.

Sincerely,

Monica in Ballandchain, AZ

 

Dear Monica,

I assume you’re referring to my tweet:

“@MothaKim: I keep my marriage exciting by occasionally surprising him w/ little things, like making dinner & shaving my legs. #MarriageTips”

As you know, I’m here on Fridays with the sole purpose of helping you, my reader. However, because my advice is free, I can only offer you a few tips on marriage, otherwise I might hurt the sales of my soon to be released book, “L is for Love…& Lobotomy”    If you want all my secrets, it’s going to cost you $9.99 plus S&H.  And I’d appreciate it if you wrote a great Amazon review afterwards.

Not that you asked about it, but let me give you a little background on how my book came to be.  After I was “let go” from my anger management counseling position at Franklin Upper County University (FUC-U) I found a new job as a relationship coach.   Ok, technically my title was jewelry salesperson, but when selling an engagement ring to couples, I often found myself giving unsolicited relationship advice.  I didn’t sell many rings but I did realize my dream of someday self-publishing my own book.  And here I am Monica, here I am.

Here are a few tips. Consider them a teaser for all the sage advice my book will offer.

Tip #1 – I believe every man should come home to the smell of a delicious home cooked meal. That’s why I’ve developed a line of time released air fresheners called “I Cooked Faux You”.  They’re guaranteed to fill the air with the aroma of French onion soup at 5pm, pot roast at 5:30pm and chocolate chip cookies at 5:45.  Every purchase comes with an enclosed coupon for a Domino’s large pizza.

Tip #2 – Like what your husband likes.  For example, my husband says he loves Hooter’s Restaurant because they have the best wings.  And because his happiness is important to me, I told him we can go there every week.  He drives me up to the door and I grab our take-out.  Lately he seems to be losing interest in them. Weird.

Tip #3 – Spice things up in the bedroom by role playing.  But just be careful what you ask for.  Last week I asked him to be the mailman and he went along with it, but I could sense he was uncomfortable.  It’s probably because I use to date our mailman.

Tip #4 – If you’re in a heated argument and you want to win, just take your clothes off.  Men are simple creatures.  It will work.  Just don’t do it in couples therapy, I’m told they frown on that type of conflict resolution.

Monica, I hope I’ve given you some golden nuggets that you can use to improve your relationship.  I assume I have, because if you’re coming to me for advice you’ve already hit rock bottom, it can only go up from there.

Good Luck on the whole marriage thing!

Kim

This & That or Piss & Crap, you decide.

Just a short little post today because I’m sure you’re all very busy (plus I have a full DVR of shows to watch and a full glass of wine. I can’t do either while I’m typing…I want my wine).

Collin brought this Thanksgiving project home yesterday.  It’s everything that he’s thankful for in his life, expressed in 3 sentences or less.  And according to him, it’s been hanging up in the school hallway all week for everyone to read. How sweet.

Did you happen to notice the sentence that says, my family “lets me drink”?  For the record, we don’t let our children drink alcohol, so I assume he’s referring to water. But the fact that he’s thanking us for water probably raises just as many eyebrows.

I just started using Pinterest. I also just started using touch tone dialing because I’m a little behind the times.  Anyhoo, in your spare time, will you seek me out on Pinterest and be my friend?  I would seek you out but I don’t know how.  Here’s the linky thing they gave me (let’s hope I do this right):

Follow Me on Pinterest

Holy shit! I think that worked!

Also, the tutorial for the above holiday craft project (maxipad-tampon holiday tree) can be found here. AND I figured out how to get it on my pinterest page so you can re-pin it to yours (look at me, already talking the lingo!).

Finally, what you’ve all been waiting for:

The Name that Dog Contest!

Our 3-legged foster dog’s new name is….drum roll…BUDDY!

Brian said “that name is lame” and I said “well so is Buddy”. Gotta love bad taste humor.

We want to thank everyone for their wonderful suggestions!  The winner was selected by creating a list of all the names submitted (yes, even John Holmes & Lunchbox) and letting Collin decide.  I think the name is perfect. Sweet and perfect just like this dog. Does anyone want to adopt a dog?

This means that you, Michele from www.familyviewed.com (twitter- @FamilyViewed) are our grand prize winner!  You will receive a $25 gift certificate from iTunes and an expired Wendy’s jr. frosty coupon!  Michele, I have faith that you can convince the Wendy’s general manager to honor it.

Well that concludes today’s This & That / Piss & Crap.  Go out and adopt a dog today…this one

Tips for Tuesday! Arts & Crap Holiday Project

Today I’m going to show you how to make a beautiful and simple holiday arrangement.  It’s the perfect gift to give to your babysitter, your kid’s teacher, the lady who waxes your bikini area – basically anyone who deserves more than a card but less than a kidney.

And the best part, it can be made with everyday items that you probably have laying around your house.

Let’s get started!

Supplies

1. a clear liquor bottle (vodka, dark rum, whiskey, etc)

2. maxi pads / panty liners

3. blue construction paper

4. a branch from the back of your Christmas tree

5. scissors

 

 

Steps

1.  Empty your clear liquor bottle…

 and remove the label.

*For instructions on “how to remove labels”, visit a Martha Stewart tutorial or something and come back here.

2.  Tightly roll up the blue construction paper and insert into the bottle.

3.  remove the backing of the maxi pads and apply horizontally around the bottom half of the bottle, creating a soft snowy ground against the blue sky.

4.  Using panties liners, cut out snowflakes or stars.  Remove the backings and apply them to the bottle.

5.  Remove a limb from your Christmas tree or outdoor bush and insert into the bottle.

6.  Write a seasonal message in the snow to your special someone.  I recommend using a festive red marker.  Remember, if you’re using an extra absorbency pad, you’ll probably need to write the message over and over again until it no longer disappears.

7.  Decorate your tree!  You might want to consider using ornaments, pictures, or battery operated lights.  The kids and I decided it would be fun to add faux icicles.

 

Happy Holidays, Mrs. McGurtle!

This project makes a great alternative to the scented candles and coffee mugs.  It truly says “From our dysfunctional home to yours!”

 

 

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